3.11 – Listening to your family – feedback
How and when can you fit in some time to listen to your children? Try to find the time to listen to your children daily. It could be while you are doing something together already e.g. walking to and from school or eating breakfast or dinner, or it could be that you plan to do something together, or just turn the TV off and play or go for a walk.
| Situation | What others said |
|---|---|
| They are asking you questions constantly. For example “Why is the sky blue”, “Why are you doing that?” etc. | Answering all of their questions can be tiring! Try your best and if you don’t know the answer say so. You will be showing them that it’s OK not to know everything and that there is a solution, for example ‘let’s look it up together’. The internet can help with most questions, and you will help teach your child how to learn things for themselves. |
| You want your child to talk to you more. | Start by making the time to talk, so you are not stressed and trying to do too many things at once. Sometimes it’s easier to play with the children, so you make time to talk as they make time to play. Children talk a lot when they are playing so make a den or build a Lego house together and let the conversation flow. Make time to listen even when you are tired or stressed or if you really can’t talk right now give a time and place when you can talk e.g. “I’ll just get your little brother bathed and into bed and we can have a chat then.” |
| You want your child to develop their own views, but they are so different from your views! | Your child will respect your views if you respect theirs. Don’t expect them to agree with everything you say (children are testing their own views of themselves and the world). Listen to their views and validate them e.g. ‘I can see that you have thought this through’. Offer your opinion without it sounding like it is more important than theirs ‘I see where you are coming from but I feel slightly differently.’ |
| Your child doesn’t want to talk about something. | If your child seems unhappy or doesn’t want to talk it could be a sign that something isn’t quite right. Offer opportunities to talk and make it clear that you can try to help with anything. Older children might want to keep things private and this is an intensely difficult time for parents who are worried about bullying, gangs, drugs, alcohol, schoolwork and relationships/sex. Try to say that you respect their privacy and that if there is anything you can help with you are available. Remember, if you are often judgmental about the way they talk, their clothes, their friends, etc. you will have made it even more difficult to come to you. |
| Your child tells you something really worrying about themselves or a friend. | If you are shocked by something that your child tells you it is important that you try very hard to remain composed and stay calm and rational. It is fantastic that your child has confided in you; make sure that they feel they can again in the future. Ask them what they feel should happen or how you can help. |
Next we will look at the importance of being honest with children and others in the family.
Next: 3.12 – Honesty scenariosBack: 3.10 – Listening to your family