3.6 – The importance of listening to our children
Have you ever been ignored or felt that the person you’re talking to isn’t really taking in what you are saying? It is really frustrating when you are trying to get your point across or to share something you feel is important, useful or interesting and the person you are talking to isn’t paying attention to you. Being ignored makes us feel small and insignificant; it can damage our sense of self. If we can imagine how this feels we are in a good starting place to think about why listening to children is important. Children need to be listened to.
Children who are listened to are generally balanced and confident. Children who are ignored can be shy, difficult to communicate with and have low self-esteem. We listen to children from the first second of their life. When they gurgle we pick them up and say “Are you talking to me?” whilst smiling and using a positive happy tone of voice. Unfortunately later in their lives, and sometimes in tricky circumstances, we forget how important it is to listen and become snappy or dismissive. Don’t feel guilty, we’ve all done it. We can all learn to listen more effectively.
Look at the following questions. Some may simply need a yes or no answer and others will require more detail. These questions can help you think about how and if you are listening effectively to your children. Write your answers in your worksheet.
| Question | |
|---|---|
| 1. Over the past week, has your child/ren said anything that is significant, for example about what has made them happy or sad? | |
| 2. How much time do you put to one side this week just to listen to them? | |
| 3. Have you given your child choices to show that you listen to them? | |
| 4. Have you made it clear that you are available if they need to talk? | |
| 5. When they talk to you do you respect their views or impose your own ideas? | |
| 6. What would you do if your child said something that really worries you? | |
| 7. Does your child keep whining? If you are listening does that mean you have to do what they want? | |
| 8. What do you do if your child interrupts you? |
If this exercise has made you feel like you need to improve how you listen to your children, don’t worry. We are going to to see what we can do to make things better by looking at listening skills and communication within families.
Next: 3.7 – Listening scenariosBack: 3.5 – How we can help develop our children’s self esteem feedback