3.8 – Listening scenarios – feedback
| Scenario | What others said |
|---|---|
|
1. Age |
Children in this age range may not have the words to explain what is wrong, so it would be important for parents to pay attention to their children’s actions and behaviour. Rather than just saying “No” give them a reason why they can’t have what they want and offer them a choice of something else say raisins or rice cakes. Giving reasons and offering alternatives will help them to feel listened to. Encouraging our children to talk about their day and what is going on around them, can be easily fitted into our daily routines and will help our children to build confidence and self esteem and will also involve listening to our children. |
| 2. Age 5-6 scenario |
By this age children have a good range of words and will want to practice as much as possible. You will likely be questioned about everything (why) and have endless chatter while they learn about what is around them. Try to listen and answer as patiently as you can. When we are tired or busy it’s quite easy to dismiss children’s questions (“Not now.” or “Go away.” or “I just need to get dinner done…”) but if we want our children to learn then we need to answer their sometimes endless questions. If we don’t listen our child may feel that we are not interested in what they have to say. Reading to our children is a good way of extending their vocabulary as well as giving parents opportunities to talk with their children about their thoughts and feelings, which will help them to build empathy and self-esteem. |
| 3. Age 7-11 scenario |
At this age they have probably stopped hanging around questioning you about everything, and are engrossed in their own interests. We may not be spending much time communicating with our children now that they are more independent. Sometimes we have to stop what we are doing and listen, setting aside some time each day to listen to what our children have to say. We can often be too busy and tired or distracted and don’t actually hear what they are saying and we can miss important information like the school project that they needed help with. Sometimes we may not know how to help our children with their homework and it could be that we have been avoiding it. Don’t worry, you and your child could learn together:Look on the internet, in the library or you could speak with their teacher at school about where you could both find the information needed to do the project. |
| 4. Age 12-16 scenario | Finding time to listen to our teens can be a challenge; we may have work commitments, other children, housework… teenage children will be learning to be independent and will probably be spending more time out with their friends or locked in their bedroom. It would be fair to listen to what your 14-year-old wants. Ask them why it’s so important to them to stay at their friend’s house, and then state why you wanted them to be home. Try to reach a compromise: “You can stay at your friend’s but you need to be here for the first few hours that the family arrive.” Spending time listening to teens can be difficult as they may only attempt to talk to us to ask us for money or when they need a lift somewhere. Keep on trying to keep the communication lines open by respecting their views. You’re not always going to be able to agree, but let them know you’re there for them and offer comfort and support when they need it. |
| 5. Older children scenario | Older children will need their privacy and will want their own space and the right not to communicate with you about aspects of their life. But sometimes they may share things that are really worrying them. You may feel like you haven’t the capacity to take on other people’s problems and that dealing with your own family is quite enough! However your daughter is clearly worried about her friend and is sharing genuine concerns. Sit down or stop and listen to your daughter and acknowledge her concern. And when she has finished speaking you may want to ask some questions to clarify the situation, but the most important question is to ask what does your daughter want you to do? It may be nothing or she may want you to talk to her friend as you are such a good listener and won’t judge her. |
A tip for listening
Two of the most useful phrases to show our children that we are listening to them are “I hear you.” and “I am listening to you.” – sounds obvious but this is a way of reassuring them that we are listening.
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