5.18 – Avoiding arguments

We are all going to have arguments with our children. There are certain things we need to keep in mind when we find ourselves in this situation. Firstly, we are the adult; we need to model good behaviour and be the one that stays in control. Secondly, we need to stay focussed and not sway from our decisions or our point of view:

• What we need the child to do.
• What is right or wrong.
• What is acceptable or unacceptable.

Can you avoid arguments?

It isn’t easy but we can try to avoid arguments in the family. So how do we avoid them? Some techniques to avoid arguments are around what we say and do. If we have been using some of the behaviour techniques we have already learnt we will hopefully not get into too many disagreements, but there will always be flare ups and we need to deal with them.

Some tips on how to avoid arguments

1. Stay calm.
2. Explain the reason.
3. Listen.
4. Explain the consequences.
5. Offer choices.
6. Keep a straight face.
7. Avoid labelling (“Are you stupid?” is not helpful!)
8. Maintain eye contact.
9. Think about if it’s worth it!
10. Use a behaviour technique.
11. Use reminders eg house rules, star charts or contracts.
12. Take deep breaths.
13. Ask if we can discuss this (now or later?)
14. Encourage the child to take deep breaths.
15. Try to be positive.
16. Count to ten.
17. Don’t take it personally.
18. Compromise.
19. Negotiate.
20. Let them deal with the consequences.
21. Keep voice low.
22. Be firm and fair.
23. Remind that we can’t communicate by shouting and crying.
24. Agree to disagree.
25. Repeat what we want.
26. Use a distraction technique.

Think up your own top tips on how to avoid arguments.

Next: 5.19 – Arguments summaryBack: 5.17 – Thinking space scenarios – feedback