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Hi I am new to the forum and desperate for advice. I have been separated from my ex for 3 years and in that time he has introduced no less than 5 girlfriends to my kids aged 10 and 7. I am gutted and devestated at the effect this is having on their emotional wellbeing and the future effect it can have on their ability to understand love and respect relationships in the future.
Each time I talk to my ex I hear the same rubbish "This is the one" "She makes me happy" "We are planning a future together" but as we all know in the world of dating that its easy to have hopes that do not always follow through and it takes time to get to know one another.
My ex is an insecure man who can not be on his own and is desperate for family life but sadly each time he finds a new lady he pushes them away by rushing everything wanting marriage and more babies too quickly (4 he now has from 3 different relationships living in 3 different counties - the two other children he does not see as contact was stopped in court by mothers)
Every new woman he introduces has children and therefore quickly there are new friends and sleepovers!!! Once he splits with them my kids new found friends quickly disappear and my kids are left again. Im tearful as to know what will happen to my children and the instability this brings to their little minds.
When I voice my concerns, my ex childishly makes out that I don't want him happy, that Im trying to ruin his life and even blames me for splitting him up with his other girlfriends despite them themselves telling him otherwise that any split is due to his behaviour and possessive actions. He says im obsessed with him and cant get over him (despite me having a new partner now for 2 and a half years) He cant seem to understand that I am just a concerned mother looking out for the children. He also starts to threaten and bully me through messages and getting "hate campaigns" started against me with old friends telling them im stopping him seeing his childern and denying access to their school which I have never done (in fact he picks the kids up from school - just never bothers to go to events or check dates).
I am at my wits end now as he just blatently ignores my requests and fears for the kids and I dont know what to do. I dont want to stop any access like the other mothers did but at the same time I dont want his insecurities re relationships and need for "family" to have a devestating impact on my kids ability to form them in the future. He only has them 2 days out of 14 so i cant see why he cant just see the girlfriends on the other 10 days until he been with them a number of months.
Since this is now the 5th time he is behaving in this manner and more so as I have an email where he is clearly trying to win back his ex whilst dating this new one and another email where he is telling me that he has been with the new partner for 3 months yet telling his other ex he is single!!! When his previous ex told him that he was being unerasonable introducign the kids and getting my kids to phone me at midnight he just relpied was "winding her up" It is clearly 110% not a stable relationship. I am proposing to write a formal letter with the view of going to court - can anyone give advice from a courts point of view on this subject or anything that can help me as I just want the best for the kids like any responsible parent.
Sorry for the rant but need advice desperately xx
Hi sammi
It is very unlikely that the court would make a ruling about new partners, as this is left to the parents (unless the partner is violent etc). However, if you do end up in court, then the court officers (CAFCASS) would look at the situation and you would be able to outline what is happening and they MAY (I only say "may") recommend to the judge that his contact should be him alone or supervised or you may be sent to mediation. You could ask him to mediation yourself. You could as an alternative stop the contact and therefore force him to take YOU to court.....but this is a last resort.
You do need some legal advice as to which of these is the best for you at this present time. Do you have a solicitor? You can contact our own Legal Expert by clicking the blue link
Thank you so much for the reply. I dont have a solicitor - my ex left me 500k in debt and went bankrupt and left me homeless whilst he set up another company behind the scenes. Due to this there were no assets and i am living with parents. He is volitile with maintenance as well and agreed to payments in the divorce court agreement to only stop them a month later after it all went through. He was clever as I was told after by CSA that now there is a court order on finances that I cant apply to them for 12 months so sadly no money for legal fees and I would love to go to metiation but not sure how i even apply for it.
I am delighted that i can get legal advice on the link so will email now. Thank you again.
You're welcome. As for a solicitor, you may be entitled to Legal Aid. Most solicitors offer the first 30 minutes free anyway, and this appointment could be used to see if you would get Legal Aid. See what our own legal expert says and then you can find a local solicitor here, and look at mediators here (mediation costs but those on a very low income, such as Income Support) usually get it free.
Let us know how you get on
hi sammi welcome to this site dont be sorry for ranting on here i have many times . but do use the links on here they are good
Hi sammi. Welcome along. I can't offer any advice I'm sorry. I've not been in this situation, but I'm sure others will be along who can offer the advice that you're seeking, so please do keep posting.