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Hi there, I am new to this whole posting thing but am at a loss for what to do. I have been with my partner for 6years, childhood sweethearts from the age of 14, I have never known any one but him. In January we found out i was pregnant for the first time, he was overjoyed I was a tad worried because I am young and we had a few rough patches. We both wanted this baby him more than me but agreed that it would be amazing. During the pregnancy I have felt very insecure about myself and my body the weight gain during this summer and seeing everyone else in bikinis and shorts just makes me feel worse. The other day I stupidly went thre hes phone I didnt find anything that would tell me hes doing things behind my back which made me feel worse and i told him. I am 6months pregnant and he has decided to leave me, he says he cant see it working if i dont trust him, but during this pregnancy I have been crazily paranoid and insecure I cant help it im new to all this. I stopped working when we knew I was pregnant as he earns more than enough, I was relying on him emotionally more than anything, he says he will still keep in touch and wants to try and make things work when the babys here...I just dont get that! how can he leave me when i need hes support the most and try again in 3months when my beautiful baby is here. Long post i know im just devestated at this and cant bare to get up I am so in love with this man and and needed hes support I still cant belive hes left, any adivce would be great Thanks!!
Welcome to OneSpace...I'm so sorry to hear you are going though this extra stress while pregnant....firstly I just want to say how your feeling is quite normal during pregnancy, your hormones are all over the place. I was heavily pregnant last summer and felt like a fat lump ESP as the only things I was comfy in was my big winter Ugg boots while everyone else was in flip flops and pretty summer dresses. Don't for one minute think you not normal to feel depressed and down- its normal. You prob will be paro as i know many people who have acted lime that during pregnancy and after the birth. Even though a baby is a joyous thing it's also very stressful for couples but I feel like your partner should be supporting you instead of running away! However if things do not work out then don't feel like you can't cope alone, there's so many single parents out there who cope just fine, myself and my partner split when I was 3 months pregnant after 2 years together, althou I would love my child to have a full time daddy , I wouldn't have it any other way now & everything will fall into place...if you both decide to make it work then great, I think maybe guys do not understand what the woman has to go though and put her body though so find it weird when our hormones start acting up, maybe give him some time to think then sit down and talk before the baby arrives....it would be very unfair and selfish of him to make you go though it all alone and then walk back though the door once the baby is here, he should be there every step of the way as its also his baby........best of luck
Hi geo1. Welcome along, and congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm sorry your partner has left you, especially when like you say, you need him emotionally. Do you have friends and family around that can offer you support? Right now you are going through all the hormonal changes, but you did say you'd had a few rough patches before the pregnancy. Could this be the cause of the breakup do you think? Are you still in touch with the partner or are you waiting for the birth before anymore contact? Some women do feel 'lousy' through the pregnancy, whereas others will feel like they're blooming. That's all part and parcel of carrying a baby I'm afraid. Very soon, you will have your 'own' body back, and a beautiful baby at the end of it.
Can I ask why you went through his phone? Do you think he's been acting differently, or do you think it is all down to your insecurity? I guess right now all you can do is keep talking to him, explain to him how you're feeling, and go from there really. An honest, open chat is called for here I think, and then you'll get a better picture of what'll happen once the baby is born.
Please keep posting as others will be along, not only to welcome you, but also to offer you some advice. xx
Hi there thanks for all the comments I really appreciate the time taken, its nice to speak to people who understand the stress of a pregnancy. I do have many friends and family around me at this time I am very lucky with the support system I have and dont mean to sound ungreatful when saying this but he was very much my rock :/ and even with all the other support I was relying on him as a partner if that makes sense. I suppose I always thought id have him there for me and not just the baby. This only happened a few days ago and i have spoken to him today hes reasoning is 'it will fix our relationship spending time apart' Personally i dont see how spendin this important time apart will fix anything. Am I completly selfish in thinking I could never forgive him and pick up where we left off in three months time... I suppose I went threw hes phone as during our 'rough patches' he has spoken to other women etc. and I never have gone down that route, so I guess I thought i'd find something secretive as I am feeling pretty much like a whale. I was in the best shape I have been in just before the pregnancy after loosing alot of weight, so I guess the weight gain just makes me feel im going back to when I was larger and feel kinda uncomfortable in my own skin. I never wanted my baby to have seperated parents as I do and know how horrible it is at times, I just feel like because I gave up work and most other aspects of my life hed notice my sacrifice and accept that im a hormonal pregnant women, do you think you could forgive a partner that came back when the baby was here...it just doesnt make sense for him to do that. Thanks again for all the comments!! :)
Personally I don't think being a single parent can be horrible at times at all- it is what you make of it! I've had p***** off times but never horrible or where I wish her father was around, I know this isn't the same for everyone so I get what your saying! I do agree with you and don't see how spending time apart will be best in the long run ESP if he still sees a feature with you. Are you sure his reason for wanting to be apart is his honest reason or do you think it runs deeper? No way can he expect you to go though these last few months alone and then once the baby arrives he can just pick up where you left off!!! you must be finding it so hard if he's all you know and use too but you must start focusing on the baby now (harder to do than said, I know) it's best to paro are for a life alone with buba now then having to deal with it all AND a new born baby..im really hoping your partner grows some balls and sorts himself out over the next few days , yes you was wrong to go though his phone but stuff like that doesn't mean anything when there's bigger things going on, the baby being a great example! please try not to stress and it won't be good for the baby, if you do get down then off load your thoughts on here,, that's what we are here for :) x
Hi geo1, welcome to One Space from me 
Do you and your partner live together? If not were you planning to move in together once the baby is born?
Have you spoken with his mum? Do you get on with his mum? Do you think she will be trying to talk some sense into him?
It sounds as though you were feeling insecure, which comes along with pregnancy, that can be normal, but often I think that we need to trust our instincts more. He seems to have upped and left pretty sharpish. Where will he be living until '3m months after the baby is born'? He seems to have detracted himself very quickly.
Of course he is going through an awful lot too, responsibility and growing up is all dawning on him and all couples, especially young ones need the support from their families to help them stay together.
I think there are very few people that want their baby/child/teenager/young adult to have separated parents, however sometimes it is what it is and we have to just get on with it and find the postives in the situation.
How well do you get on with your mum?
I would just like to add that it seems to me that your partner is thinking "By the time the baby is three months old all the hormones will be out her system and things can go back to normal" Of course this is not true as the new normal will be quite different from the old one! but for now he is panicking.
However, I don't think it is a case of you "forgiving him" It's about whether the two of you can move forward in an adult way. Anna's idea about his mum is a great one and you also need to make sure you have plenty of other support around you.
Hi there thanks again for the comments would have replied sooner but so much has been going on, Anna funny you should ask about my mum as our relationship has been deteriorating for the past 4years now. Since I have been pregnant our relationship has got even worse she was the only person who refused to congratulate me and it took her 4months to come round she doesnt really ask how I or the baby is and is a massive control freak. She is the type of person who can never be pleased, for example the other day she came home from work in her usual bad mood and began to shout at me for not changing the bin bag :/ I know from experience how these arguements end up so I asked her not to talk to me for the rest of the evening, she then just persisted to call me lazy saying I dont do a thing etc. I just lost all control of my emotions and broke down I was such a mess I rang my ex as he has known my mum for the past 6years and is used to these situations really didnt know who else to call, he then took it upon himself to text my mum saying he was sick and tired of me crying down the phone because of how she treats me and didnt want a relationship with her anymore, she of course lost it and took it out on me. He has suggested I move in with him and hes family, to be fair my household is beyond stressful, but now im even more confused...I dont want to put myself or the baby threw any more stress but do Ileave home? I have a dog aswell shes my responsibility and would have to come too.but with everything thats happend with me and him I honestly dont know what to do for the best, Hes said he is here and will support me i just dont know what is the best option... HELP!!!
So he's walked out on you while pregnant saying you both basically need space until baby is born but now telling you to move into his family home? that sounds very confusing :/
Yes exactly When he decided he wanted to basically bail on me for the last 3months he used the old im still here, and this is i guess hes way of showing that or maybe even feeling less guilty, I am confused beyond words and dont even know the best route to take. Being stressed and depressed at home is not ideal but after what has happened I dont know if moving in their would be either.
You must be so confussed :( only you know what's best for you weather it's going to live with him or stay alone....do you think if you move in with him then there could be a chance he gets distant again and asks you to move out? If that was the case would you be welcome back at your mums house? do you plan on getting a council/private placwon cue baby is born so you have your own home and space?
Hi there thanks, I know I just wish i had the answer right now, I know that my mum would welcome me back as this is what always happens its just got to be a repetative cycle where nothing changes and I know she never will. I need my own place that is the only thing I can think of that would be right for me at this moment in time, unforunatley I gave up work as my then partner was earning more than enough and didnt want me to be on my feet all day so my funds are pretty much limited for baby. I plan to make an appointment with the housing this week to see if there is anythng they can do but living in London to move out costs so much. Thanks for all your help!
I live in London also and applied for a council place when pregnant, I was finally moved from my parents home when I was 7 months pregnant, I was put into a hostel but only there for 2 months before being moved into my flat....I was given paint and decorating equipment by the council...I researched local charities which fund for single parents to have brand new carpets laid and reviewed £500 off government for tje baby, this brought cot, buggy etc.....being out of work and a mummy you will receive single parent benefits and child tax credit, it's not loads of money but I find it's enough to get by until you go/if back to work, if you go back to work you should receive help with paying childcare....hope this helps
Hi geo1, it does all sound very confusing, I am sorry to hear that your and your mums relationship is strained.
How is your relationship with HIS mum?
My situation is very similar, i was with my partner for 9 years he meant the world to me and he had a great life, i feel pregnant in jan and now he has left me about 4 weeks ago, he likes someone else and has been seeing them sicnce Feb, Its the last thing i thought he'd ever do. He sayd he will always be there for the baby and willsupport and help me,and i he will be a good dad, Its just soo hard, Like you've said i wanted a family life for my baby, 2 parents for her everyday. But i try and think that at least ill be the one who see's her smile, laught, crawl etc. People keep telling my one day, whether its now or in the future, he'll look back and think he had a good life and could have been ahppier, that the grass isn't always greener.
But its soo hard at the moment, i feel soo heartbroken and miss him v.much, and like you said i need his support now.
Hope you get through it.
x
Oh Sweetie, my heart goes out to you. {{{{{huge hugs}}}}}
This site is so supportive, I only started posting yesterday and already I know the ladies on here will be able to help you.
How long ago did all this happen? Are you still in touch with him? I think it's probably your hormones hun that is making you feel this way. I'm surprised he's walked out on you 6 months pregnant when all you did was look through his phone, and were honest enough to tell him. Concidering he wanted the baby so much, it didn't take much to make him bolt did it. Also not liking how he's going to leave you on your own for the last 3 months of pregnancy and show his face when baby is born.
Do you think you could talk to him about the way you feel? If you think you might get upset maybe you could write it all down, that way you have time to think about what you want to say and not miss anything out. He can also re read your words later, rather than if you said it face to face he maybe a bit defensive and not listen properly.
Do hope you're ok. Do you have any family you could confide in? I presume as you've been together so long you know his family pretty well too? What do they think of his actions?