Hi I have been separated from my husband for a few months now. I was with him for 22 years and have come to realise that I was emotionally abused for many years without me realising. I arrived on this site this morning by accident as I am looking to assert myself more as I seem to get walked over, mainly by my ex. I have started a course on this site that hopefully will help me. Even now that I am living away from my ex he still seems to keep appearing in my life practically on a daily basis with excuses usually regarding finances and how he cannot cope with it all. I always end up dropping everything and going over to help.
Also he tried to commit suicide when I left, our teenage son ended up seeing him when the paramedics and police arrived and as a result he stayed with my ex to live, while I have our 8 year old son living with me. I nearly ended up going back with him after this as I felt so guilty, but I know being away from my ex is the best life for me.
I need to build up my self esteem and try to deal with the fact that I do not have our two boys living with me. Even though I do have my teenage son about 3 nights a week as my ex works shifts. All I can do is be there for my boys, but I need to be there for me too.
I'm looking forward to getting to know you all and appreciate any advice that you can give, especially if you have been in an emotionally abusive relationship. Sometimes I can't believe it has all come to this, but I know it is early days.
x
HiLouise the course is the everyday assertiveness course. I'm hoping it helps. My son has admitted that he feels partly responsible for his dad. I have taken him to the doctors this week as he has been having chest pains and dizziness and said it had been going on for a few months. I think it is the stress of everything that he has gone through, the doctor agreed and is referring him for counselling. I have told my son that if he needs to see someone sooner I will find a way to pay for him to see a counsellor. I have seen one myself privately for a few months and it has helped me a lot.
My younger son seems to be dealing with things quite well, but then he doesn't know his dad tried to commit suicide. He also felt that his dad shouted at him all the time and seems happier now.
Thanks for the welcome
Hello again
That sounds a sensible course of action re your son, I agree that the situation does sound very stressful for him. My boys' father attempted suicide some years after we split up and my eldest felt very angry with him/sorry for him/let down by him ie he can't love us much if he does this....all at the same time.
Hope you get on well with the Assertiveness course, I do believe it is something we could all do with some help with. Have a look at the online Freedom Programme too; the programme is for anyone who has suffered abuse in a relationship, emotional as well as physical.
How are you on a day to day basis?
Thanks I'll take a look at the online Freedom Programme, sounds like it might be what I need.
Most days I am fine, but I have noticed that usually one day a week lately I get really down. It is today this week. I just cannot shift it, but the wierd thing is I notice it was Wednesday last week too. I did manage to cheer myself up by the end of last Wednesday, but so far today still feel down. I am going to treat myself to a soak in the bath tonight with facemask etc. Hopefully that will be good.
It is also our wedding anniversary on Saturday and maybe that is bothering me too.
Hi Princess, just wanted to give you a warm welcome from me too 
Maybe it is also midweek blues? I think one of the hardest things to take in our stride is that there WILL be down days and that is Ok and it is part of the process and we can help the healing process along by accepting that. Of course if that acute feeling goes on and on and then it is important to talk with the doctor. The wedding anniversary is a milestone to be overcome, the "first" of each anniversary/occasion is the hardest.
Did you enjoy your luxury bath?
Hi hazeleyes thanks for the welcome, how are you?
Louise I hope that is all it is just midweek blues, I'm fine today and have made sure I have something planned on Saturday to overcome this anniversary. My bath was lovely thanks, felt so pampered afterwards.
Glad to read that you are feeling better Princess72
What are your plans for Saturday?
Hi Anna I'm off into town with my best friend, I try to make an effort once a month to go out with her. We have a lovely time and I know she will take my mind of everything. My brother is having my son overnight so I don't have to worry about being back too early.
That sounds fab, Princess72 and nice to have a child free night as well, look forward to hearing all about it!
Hi Princess72, did you have a good night? How is your friend?
Hi Anna Saturday night was great, we had a good time and my friend was great company as always. Ended up dancing at a club by the end of the evening. And my son had a lovely night and was spoilt at my brothers.
Not too well today, have been having a cold and sore throat on and off for the last two weeks, but have now been diagnosed with laryngitis by the doctor this morning and am on antibiotics.
How was everyone else's weekend?
Ooh sorry to hear you are poorly, do take care of yourself.
Night out sounded fab though, are you able to stay awake and be a night owl on those occasions?
Hello Princess72,
You are very welcome here and I am delighted that you have found us
I have edited out your real name as we try to keep things anonymous...in fact if you want to change your user name then please feel free to do so by clicking on My Profile at the top of the page and then Edit.
Is the course you have started The Freedom Programme?
You're right, you have to do what is right for you? Is your elder son feeling responsible for his dad? I am glad you are seeing him regularly anyway. How has your youngest been?
Have a look round the site and please join in wherever you wish; you will be made very welcome