gemma889
well, to cut a very
long story short. My ex partner and i had a child together 2 and a half years
ago, he was there for the birth then left us to live 150miles away.
He got a new partner
and moved on with his life so we got on with ours, he saw my son 3 times over 2
years until he was 2 years old, missing both of his
christmas'.
 
He has now moved
back into our area after splitting with his ex and is now demanding he has
access to see my son, i have told him i am happy with him seeing him every
weeknight at a mutual friends house whilst he builds a bond with him as my son
doesnt know him at all, he is not happy with this as it doesnt suit him but i
feel i am being more than fair with this? I work full time and like to spend my
weekends with my son as i miss him terribly through the week
:(
 
He is now
threatening repeatedly to take me to court and saying as he is his dad and has a
right to see him when he wants, i have told him he needs to build up the bond
with my son as he is a stranger to him and also to prove to us all he will get
up and leave as he has done in the past!
 
In the past 3 months
he has lived at 4 different address' and had 3 different jobs, and doesnt
understand why i would not be happy with my son going to stay with him at a
place myself or my son do not know, it is just not a stable enviroment for him!
His name is on the birth cetificate as he told me if i didnt give my son his
last name he wouldnt put his name on the birth cetificate, and as he already has
another son who he doesnt see (hasnt seen him for 2years solid!) or contribute
to in anyway, i knew i would need his name down incase we ever came into a
situation like this. I understand that as his name is on the cetificate he
automatically has parental responsibility but how can this be if he hasnt been
here to bring him up or provide for him all this time? He arranged to see him
twice before christmas and just didnt turn up, no contact or apologies. And the
same for christmas again for the third year in a row, no explanation or contact
whatsoever.
 
I feel totally at a
loose end and dont know what to do anymore i am pulling my hair out trying to do
whats right for my son as i dont want to deny him seeing his dad, but the same
patterns are emerging as before with my son and with his other child and cant
bear to see him hurt him. My son lives in a very stable enviroment and we have
an extremley supportive family around us, so he literally wants for nothing
emotionally and physically. His contant demands and demeaning comments are
really running me down and i just feel exhausted from it all, he wants me to
pander to his every want and need but sees what im suggesting as me being
awkward! I just dont know what to do anymore :(
Posted on: January 3, 2012 - 2:35pm
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hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi gemma889. Welcome along. I know exactly how you feel regarding the ex and demanding access. You have already told him he can see your son at a mutual friends, and he doesn't want this. What he needs to understand is that he is a stranger to your son, so I think you are within your rights to tell him you want contact at a centre, at least for a while. This will also give you an insight as to whether or not he will stick around.

Posted on: January 3, 2012 - 2:43pm
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gemma889

thank you i appreciate that so much, i have mentioned maybe a mediation centre will be more ideal for us at current but then he will send me angry texts telling me i have till the end of the day to find one and arrange it for him, which i have told him is his problem and he needs to sort it out. I feel this is fair considering everything although he keeps responding by saying he will take me to court. as long as i keep trying to do the right thing i guess there is not much else i can do for now..

Posted on: January 3, 2012 - 3:07pm
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Tinkerbell2
DoppleMe

Even if he took you to court they would even suggest supervised visits until a relationship is built between them, he's being very unrealistic and needs to realise your child is not a piece of property, your ex needs to grow up otherwise he will lose his child all together, best of luck

Posted on: January 3, 2012 - 3:42pm
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Anna
Online
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi gemma889

I agree with what others have said, it is important for your son to build a relationship with his dad, before being whisked away to the unknown.

It sounds as though you are being reasonable. You are not stopping contact and you are also offering solutions, it is his choice if he takes them up or not.

You might be interested in contacting our Family Law expert to find out if they think the Court would recommend supervised visits as if this was the case, that may be the best way forward. Let him do the work and take you to Court.

He is trying to bully you to do what he wants. When he sends abusive texts, record them in a notebook and then ignore them. Don't buy into his demands.

You have given him options, now the ball is in his court.

Your last sentence says "I don't know what to do anymore" Well, from my point of view, there is nothing more you can do. You have been supportive of the idea of your son seeing his father and you are laying certain limits. So stop beating yourself up and know that you are doing the right thing.

The only other way of doing things is letting your son's dad do what he wants, but if you did that, it still wouldn't be right and he would let your son down and you would still probably get grief, so stick to your guns and trust in yourself.

Posted on: January 3, 2012 - 4:12pm
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