Hi!
I'm a single mum to 4 (aged between 8 and 13) and am struggling to accept the reality of my situation!
1. I will always be a single parent (even if I meet someone, they will not really be a 'parent' to my children) and
2. I will always be outnumbered by my children!
Does anyone have any advice on 'coming to terms' with reality! I'm conscious that I'm cross that I'm in the situation that I'm in - that this was never the plan, and that the quicker I can embrace the postives of being a single parent - the better. Problem at the moment is that I can't find many positives! So....... any suggestions would be grately appreciated!!
I'm trying very hard to be positive, but would be very glad of some advice from others!!!
Hi Mum on a mission! Fab name! And welcome from me too!
How long have you been a single parent for? Tell us more about your children :)
Welcome from me too Mum on a mission, I too have four children so can understand the being out numbered by children bit, i also think that someone not biologically related to our children can parent them, there are many successful step families out there!
Do you have a mix of boys and girls? How have they taken the separation?
Hi - many thanks for replying!
My ex and I have been separated for 4 years now - can't believe it's been that long! Kids are fine with it all - as kids can be - they adore their dad and do get to see him on a regular basis.
I think for me, it has been a case of 'head down and focus on the children' - we moved house and schools since the separation and I don't really have a local support network to speak of. I guess, I kept thinking everything would get better with time, but hasn't yet - it just keeps changing!
My ex and I have very different parenting methods - he has no rules and I have lots! And the children challenge me constantly (1 girl, then 3 boys).
I get very nervous spilling the beans in public - I'm very shy! But, needs must, and at the moment, I really need some positivity from others who have been there, done that, and come out smiling!!
The part about staying a 'single parent' is because I know how tough my gang of 4 can be and will be on a newcomer!
I'm not trying to be pessimistic, I'm trying to make sure I'm being realistic, so that I can find the positives of out the situation!
Some days, I just get a bit too overwhelmed with the neverending aspect of parenting!
Hi Mum on a mission - i have the opposite to you, i have 1 boy (eldest at 15) and 3 girls (youngest is 8),the elder 3 are all teens, this is a challenging age and their sense of logic and fairness can have you wanting to pull your hair out, especially when they twist what you have said to suit their own means 
Do you have any specific behaviours that we can help you with? You say that you have lot's of rules, is this something that you are having problems with? Do you work? Do you get anytime just for you?
Hi mum on a mission, just wanted to say welcome along. 
Hello mum on a mission
You are welcome to One Space!
You're right, you will always be outnumbered by your children (that sounds like that TV series!) and so maybe part of your mission could be to get really, really clued-up to "manage" them, a bit like the manager of a small football team
I am not sure I agree that no-one else will be able to be a parent to your children..never say never, but it is certainly true that you need to be fully equipped to turn your hand to most things.
Accepting reality, now that is hard. I have seen some parents over the years that never really do, and they end up pretty bitter, in other words the only person they hurt is themselves, and possibly their children in the process. When you become a single parent, you enter a process of loss. It can be similar to that experienced when you have a bereavement and there are various stages to go through (broadly disbelief, shock, sadness, anger, trying out new things, learning to integrate the new situation) It's important not to get "stuck" in any of these phases. I don't know how long it is since your separation but as a very general rule the first year is hardest, and the second year is the true integration.
Keep talking to us and in the meantime, have a look at this thread (click to see) to read about a lot of positives in single parenting!