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Hi dont normally do stuff like this but i'm a breaking point .I'm having trouble with my 15 year old daugther she has lived with me for nearly a year. After a incident with her mums partner. Her mum just dropped her off one day my daugther would not go to school smacked her mum &sister and just caused mayhem.So i move out of my partners house because of the risk. So just live with my daugther and nothing has changed she has no respect for me wont go to school will not help with anything unless there is something in it for her she is running my life .But im trying to have a realationship with my partner but my daugther is trying to rule that too if my daugther said sorry to her we could build bridges or am i being selfish to ask for this.I've even rung social services to try and put her into care any advice would be grateful.thanks mark
Hi Mark
I'm afraid there needs to be some tough love here for your daughter.
An idea will be to get the school involved too, as they may be able to offer some help and support.
There's no doubt that this will impact your relationship, but hopefully your partner can see what issues you're dealing with and can offer some support too.
You say that she won't do anything if there's nothing in it for her. What does she do if she wants money to go out? Does she do any jobs around the house to earn this?
Do the two of you do things together - even watching a film (or in my case Glee) can work some magic.
Do you have any idea what triggered off this behaviour? Your GP may also be able to help here too.
I totally know where you're coming from when you talk about putting her into care, but I'm sure that would be devastating for you and for her.
Thanks for the reply ,school are involed and i have a close relation with the school but there are kids who want to learn .So time is spent with them i try to spend a lot of time with her .Wacth films and all the rubbish soaps. she isn't bothered .even to go out with the dog out with me to spend time is a no go .I had a social worker involved but cause she is feed watered and clean there is no problem with her welfare. There is nothing they can do she wont see the doctor cause she thinks she fine to carry on like this .thanks
Hi mark
Welcome to One Space, I am sorry to hear that you are near breaking point, but I am glad you have posted a message and you are seeking support.
Do you know what the incident was with your daughter's mums partner?
Has your daughter always been violent to her mother and sibling? Has she ever hit you?
It sounds as though your daughter may be feeling a little excluded. Her mum has a partner, you have a partner, where does she fit in to all this? She needs to feel that she is the most important person in both your lives. More important than either of your partners.
I am presuming that you have been in discussions with school? What have they said? What assistance can they offer? What advice did social services give you?
Sorry, so many questions!
Hi there she made a accusation of him hitting her got all the agencies involved then her fibbed her way out .Her mum and me have a good relationship and try to support each other we give her so much it dos'nt seem enough thanks
That must have been so upsetting for your ex and her partner, to be accused of something, and it's not true. I'm not excusing your daughter's behaviour at all mark, but was she unhappy about going to live her Mum? How long have you and your ex been apart for? It's great that you and her mum have a good relationship and can offer support to each other. When you say you both give her everything. Do you mean material things? If this is the case, it's not about what you can give her, it's perhaps more about the time that is spent with her, though you've already said she doesn't want to do things with you, so it sounds like you've tried numerous ideas. Could she maybe suggest something for the two of you to do?
Hello mark, I am glad you posted this.
If she is truanting from school then presumably the school has a Pupil Support service you can speak to, they will have contacts with a number of agencies. I understand that you have rung Social Services but of course it is a case of her safety and welfare, NOT giving the support to YOU, that's why they have not been able to help.
I would say your best bet lies in a two pronged approach. Firstly, you need to find out what is going on for her. Is there anyone a bit older in the family that she thinks a lot of: a grandaprent, an aunt etc? Or would she talk to someone outside the family if she won't talk to you? Relateen offer a fab counselling service for young people or there may be one at the school. Sometimes teens become obnoxious because they want attention, and we parents think we give them a lot of attention....but maybe it is not the sort of attention they want, and as they become more and more awkward we label them as "bad" and they sort of live down to their reputation.
Secondly, whether she will talk to anyone or not, you need to set out some new boundaries. Decide on a couple of behaviours you want to see, of course there may be many, many things you want to change but just pick two, because it is all about regaining control. These might be going to school and doing one daily chore, for example. Sit down with her and draw up a family contract. Do not raise your voice and do not plead. Just be calm and very firm. Have a look at this article about Family Contracts. So, you are only choosing two behaviours to change so agree two things on her wish list too, impose your choices though as her wish-list might be "go to new york and win the X factor" Stay calm while she rants and raves about all this! Tell her you love her but you will no longer tolerate disrespectful behaviour. Agree what the consequences might be if she does NOT fulfil her side of the contract too: grounding, no PC, no money etc.
This does work, I promise, but you need to be prepared to stick to your guns and STAY CALM.
Thanks for all your info will try and absorb thanks
It seems like we're bombarding you with stuff Mark.
I'm just sorry its having such an effect on your life too.
I think it does help though, to know that we're not the only ones going through something or other. Doesn't feel so lonely somehow. Stay strong Mark 
Yes sparkling is right, we are bombarding you a bit, sorry , take things at a comfortable pace and be reassured that we are all here to help!
Hi Mark. Welcome along to One Space. It's a great site, and you'll find lots of people either experiencing the same thing, or have experienced it. I'm not at that stage yet, but take a look at this link here about teenagers, so hopefully as you're waiting on others to post, you can have a read through.