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Hi I can't really go into but my 5 yr old son has been allocated a social worker. They have rung today and arranged to come and visit me tomorrow but have said that they want to see L at school without me present. I'd like to know if anyone can tell me if
-Is this normal?
-can they refuse to let me be there?
thanks for that littleangel if this is normal pracitice I don't mind not being present just felt a bit awkward as was asked if they could carry out the assessment at school a very open question requiring a yes or no answer and then when I said I'd rather it happen at home so I could be present got the response of 'other parents aren't allowed to be with their children so why should it be different for you?' I was rather taken aback by this as I don't know normal proceedures as I've never had any previous experiences with social workers. I tired to explain that I don't know what normal practice is and the social worker didn't seem to want to be too helpful to try and tell me
Aw zippy, sorry about that, your social worker doesnt sound very helpful at all. She should have explained it to you, as after all social workers are trained to be empathetic (I am training to be a social worker so I know!) Obviously as a parent you would want to know what is being asked of your child and social services are meant to work in an open and honest manner.
Hopefully your social worker will be much better with you when completing the assessment. Good luck with it and try not to worry too much x
I do hope that you will be informed about the things that your son is being asked, zippy. That is good info from little angel, thanks for that.
Hi zippy, what a concern for you. But as littleangel has said, they have your little boys interests at heart.
Are you concerned about what he will say? How is his eating habits going? Is he still seeing his dad regularly?
How are you these days?
Hi Anna, No I'm really concerned although am a bit worried things may be taken out of context. His eating hasn't been too bad lately although he does have the off meal still but mainly if he's tired. He still sees his Dad every other weekend and seems to enjoy it. I'm not doing particularly great at the min what with the above and then some other bits going on aswell which are leaving me all feeling rather stressed out.
Hello zippy
Sorry to hear you are not feeling too brilliant at the moment. You are welcome to share with us on here or if you would rather do so in confidence, you can contact our Relationships Support Expert here
I am sorry to hear that zippy - what, in the past, has been something that you have enjoyed that has given you pleasure?
Hi Louise the things that are going on are very, very complicated and its an extremely long story.
Hi Anna I used to love making cards and doing cross stitch but haven't done either of these things for a long while as just haven't had the motivation to bother
Be very kind yourself, zippy, you do sound very stressed 
spent the afternoon being messed around and being passed from pillar to post to try and get some stuff sorted out. feel like screaming rather loudly now
GRRR how frustrating, especially when you feel no-one is listening to you. Did you achieve what you wanted to, in the end?
Yes very frustrating, wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't running up my phone bill. Didn't really achieve anything unfortunately so back to the calls on Monday to see if I can make any progress
If there is one thing that winds me up, it is red tape, hopefully you will have better luck on Monday. I know this sounds weird but I was once told by a marketing person that if you are trying to achieve things on the phone, you fare much better if you stand up. I think this must be because we feel more formal and assertive.....anyway, give it a try.
Im certainly hoping for better luck on Monday otherwise the begging bowl will have to come out.
The standing up thing does sound weird yeah, but it makes sense in a funny sort of way
Just a thought: if you would like some money advice, you can contact our Money Expert
Thanks for that Louise, I contacted them the other day and its their advice I am following up on tomorrow
Hi zippy - did you make any progress today with the calls?
I do not trust Social Services,they came to see me after rows me n my partner had n police involved,they have just handed me a copy of their core assessment and said that my boy was inconsolable for 15 mins when his dad left after initial interview,it was gone 6pm,my boy was tired n I put him in his cot -yes he cried but u leave em for few mins then go back in to try to get em to sleeo-ss have reported that I left him screaming in his cot-I am a loving,caring Mum who could not dote on my kids more n ss should be out their chasing scum like Baby P,Victoria K n Shannon Matthews fiascgo get the real scumbags
Hi Sally phone calls went ok in that I got information but unfortunately got no fixed answers.
Hi Marianne, I'm sorry to hear that things with you have been taken out of context, I know ss have a job to do and I'd rather them do it than risk things going wrong and them not checking it out but I do wish they'd just explain things properly and make it easier to understand
Thanks I know what ur saying just very defensive where my kids r concerned,My daughter was interviewed on her own but did not open up that much because they were strangers=ss interpreted it that she were hiding something,my kids r classed now as children in need n r going to b involved with ss for the forseeable future,i not very good with outside help or being judged always been self sufficient,hope all is ok with u xx
Hello marianne42 I know the term "child in need" sounds horrible (and a parent could well think huh! my children are not in need of anything, I look after them fine thank you very much)....but putting that label on the situation helps SS to put some support in place, in terms of supporting YOU, that is, to give you a break and to help the family out generally. I do hope you find them less judgmental and more helpful as time goes on.
Hello zippy, keep on keeping on and hope you hear from the money expert soon.
Thankyou Louise,I am just upset that when social worker came she had finished making notes and it were as she were leaving that my boy were crying in his cot so she took that thought away and must have jotted it down in hr car or kept a mental note,I believe that you cannot pander to ur child every time they cry unless something is seriously wrong,my 13 month old goes crazy when tired n I as Mum know when that it the case,just not nice having ss involved as it a stigma,I am on waiting list for counselling and on meds but I hate to take them as they not the answer,I have alot of faith in my health visitor tho as she is sooo... nice,thanks for your message-Zippy hope ur ok?xx
Hi Louise and marianne42, I got a reply from the money experts and have made the call they suggested just now got to act on the advice from the phone call. I also feel having ss involved carries a stigma and I hate it. We had a assessment May 29th and as yet have heard nothing more so kind of feel a bit in limbo and rather out the loop at the min.
Sorry you are both having your various annoyances with social services. I think it is partly the feeling that other people are making decisions and forming opinions over which you have no control.
Yh most definitely I am one of the biggest control freaks ever when it comes to my life I hate the feeling of having no control over something it makes me do all sorts of stupid stuff if I'm not careful
Thanks all-yes ur right,-Zippy after my initial assessment it were two weeks before ss got back in touch-then they informed me a core assessment would take place with my GP,health visitor,teachers n my respective childrens Dads-I took legal advice and I wasnt legally obliged to go as I felt I wolud be sitting in a goldfish bowl!,ss say they r non judgemental but I disagree
Hi Zippy,
When Children's Services initially spoke with my Child a Home Support worker was present from her School, somebody she trusted and felt comfortable with, it is always a difficult time for a Child, we spend so much time warning them about strangers, then suddenly a Stranger turns up and starts talking to them about delicate issues. If you have anybody you trust to be with your Child this may help put your mind at rest.
A good Social Worker should be able to speak to your Child carefully approaching any delicate issue's, sadly some do not have this skill.
Good Luck
I believe everyone has an opinion at the end of the day they are only human beings just like us, we would have an opinion and therefore so do they.
Hi Murray72, when they actually spoke to my son in the end his teacher was present and I was happy with that I just didn't feel comfortable with him being on his own
Still feeling completely lost by all this as now a new social worker is coming to see me tomorrow, no idea why they've changed, will try and post tomorrow about how it goes.
Oh good luck zippy, I agree it is unnerving when you don't know what is going on....but it might just be that the other one has been transferred, nothing specifically to do with your son. Let us know how you get on
Hi Louise todays visit went well and I actually seemed to hit it off better with this SW rather than the last one. Although I didn't really understand how the questions she asked were relevant but guess they must of been somehow
Oh well that sounds positive. It is good to get on with the social worker, and yes some of the questions might be unexpected. What happens next?
Hi Louise, things haven't really progressed much although had another visit from SW last week and have got a further two visits this week. Got to be honest I'm dreading the second of the two as the SW is L's dad the day before and Im really not sure that'll be a good thing
You mean you are having the same social worker visit both of you individually? I suppose at least you mught get to know a bit more about what is going on.
Hi zippy, not sure how long you have been going through all this but my thoughts are with you. I have a 25yr old, 21yrs old and a 15yr old (all girls) my marriage broke down after 21yrs so have been on my own for a long time. Unfortunately the sole care of children is still left to the mother, who to my mind doesnt get enough support or respect for all she does or has done! My 15yr old went to live with her dad for 8 months, he couldnt cope, as has made new life with girlfriend and her son. Unfortunately he lost it with our daughter, who is now back home. He bruised her ect so social services are now involved with us too. I have depression issues, that has occured for various reasons (divorce, eldest leaving, moving house, financial difficulties and redundancy) Life can seem tough and like there is no way out sometimes. But, also my experience of the social workers is not great. My ex is very manipulative and convincing, to the point I feel they are even disbelieving my 15 yrs old. She is a very sensible and grown up young lady but he bruised her so much that she had photos taken. I still feel the social worker is not being supportive and questioning me and my daughter. This is a man that was abusivie and our middle daughter was self harming and bulimic till I got rid of him but still the social worker belivies he is great cos thats how he is, great at convincing people. He was even sacked from a bank but still forged his CV so has a great job now. While I am left picking up pieces from the distruction he caused and still causes. I get no maintance or financial help, as am on sick. Still not getting child allowances etc so things are tough that way too. My middle daughter home from uni and eldest home soon from Africa, yet I cant afford them to be here. Any advice welcome. My solicitor from divorce doesnt want to be involved anymore cos he threatened her so much.
Hello Janice 9868
What a horrible situation to be in, and the money stuff just compounds it. Have you got the ball rolling with getting the Child Benefit transferred to you? (other benefits can follow suit) Please feel free to email our
Money Expert with any money queries you have
As far as social services are concerned, have a look at this site (click) which provides support for families who are dealing with them.
Hi Zippy,
I used to work for social services and in my experience it is the norm to have a chat with a child on their own. This was brought about after much critiscim of social workers not actually listening to children's views when doing an assessment so whenever possible a child will be interviewed alone either at school or at home in a separate room.
I never actually witnessed a parent demand to be present but I did see children who were totally uncomfortable having a chat without mum/dad present and in that case the social worker would just complete the assessment in the presence of the parent.
You could ask the social worker if you could be present and see what they say but general practice (where I worked) was to chat to the child alone. I guess it depends what your concerns are really. I took part in many of these chats with children and they are conducted in a very informal manner mostly just asking the child how they are doing? what things they like doing? is anything upsetting them? One thing they dont do is ever put words in to a childs mouth or ask them any direct questions about any allegations that may have been made (i.e. they wouldnt say does your mum hit you?). My advice would be just to contact your social worker and ask them about it, and see how it goes.
Good luck with it x x