Hi all,
I am just looking for some advice please :-)
I have a 2 year old who I see once a week who lives with his mum. We seperated nearly 3 years ago when our son was about 3months. It was not a good break up and I did suffer a bit, leading to me getting a restraining order from the mother and losing contact with him for a few months becaue I was severly depressed and unstable.
On a brighter note, last year i picked myself up, got councelling and did a college course in Business and now I sit in my University room as I type :-) I am very proud that I pulled it together, not just for myself but for my sons sake too.
I have been seeing my son once a week with his nan (his mum's mother) for about 4 hours each time. I have wanted to see him more and by myself, but they say I am not aloud to see him by myself and this is very frustrating. Since I was in care I have no family to back me up or even talk to her family, so I am pretty much facing all his mothers family by myself. What can I do to not cause hassel for everyone whilst trying to gain a better relationship with my son?
Thanks
Hello Nabster
First of all welcome to One Space and well done for all you have achieved in the last year.
I am glad you are managing to see your son every week, even though this is with his mum's mum. I expect that the mother of your child feels nervous of other arrangements in view of what happened between you during the break-up. Firstly I would suggest you do not disrupt the standing arrangement but think about how you could add some more contact on to this. Do you have contact with your boy's mum? You could ask if you could visit midweek to see him. You could also suggest that during the four-hour contact time, you are allowed to take him out for an hour, and return to his nan's house. It's all about building up trust.
Family mediation is a possibility, although there are costs involved and of course there is always court action although this should be a last resort as it immediately becomes a "battle" between the parents. It really is about getting people "on side". It is a shame you have no extended family of your own who could offer to take over the sharing of the contact time as that would make you feel less restricted.
However, even if things do not change much in the next year or two, as your boy gets bigger it is more likely that his mum will relax, and also you will have "proved" yourself for a longer time. In the meantime, do make the most of the time you get with your son and continue to build a strong and loving relationship
Hi nabster. Welcome along. You've achieved so much in the last year, and seem to be picking yourself up, so well done on that. As for the contact, perhaps do as Louise suggests for now, and see how that goes. I'm sure things will get easier for you. Do keep posting as this is a great site.
Thank you for the advice, unfortunately his mum and are not on talking terms, but I shall suggest the taking little one out for an hour and bringing him back to begin with.
Thank you :D
Hello Nabster
There are lots of parent and toddler groups running in most places, its not everyones cup of tea but you would not be alone as such, would mum and family be ok with this perhaps ? You could try your local childrens centre, community/health centre, church hall etc to see if there is something you and son might enjoy ? I agree its about building trust,
Good luck, merry christmas !
That is a good idea fairyface, but unfortunatly the friends my son's mum has, all go to the local playgroup as it is and I don't really want to mix with them, it would be really strange. On my last contact, on Tuesday I was left alone with him in town whilst his nan went and looked around in the shops and I didn't have to say anything. Thumbs up :-)
Merry Christmas!
Hope you enjoy Christmas, Nabster!
Firstly why am I up at this time on my birthday?! 
And hi again!
I have been thinking a lot recently and I have decided, because it is my birthday and I asked to see my little one today; that it would be a good time to ask his nan if I can start spending time with him on my own in my contact time. I have grown so much in confidence and now I feel like I am being held back in having a better relationship with my son.
Also, I really feel it is important for his mum and I to start communicating, but how on earth do I get the ball rolling?!
I hope you all had a great Christmas and New Year! (I've now joined the gym because of my student eating habits) 
Hi Nabster and happy new year to you....and Happy Birthday.
Well, you had some time on your own with your son in town the other week and the sky didn't fall in so see what his nan says, be very calm and polite when you ask (she's more likely to agree than if you say well he's MY SON and I WANT to have him, bit of psychology there heh heh) Good luck.
Hi Nabster and happy new year to you....and Happy Birthday.
Well, you had some time on your own with your son in town the other week and the sky didn't fall in so see what his nan says, be very calm and polite when you ask (she's more likely to agree than if you say well he's MY SON and I WANT to have him, bit of psychology there heh heh)
You asked about getting conmmunication going with his mum, that is a difficult one.How about trying to do the solo parenting time first then after a while you can do a little note at the end of the time, saying "Hello X I thought you would like to know how we have spent this afternoon, we went to the park and Y was laughing when he saw another boy with a blue balloon and then we fed the ducks and had some juice"......or whatever you have done.
That means that she would be in touch with what her boy has done and can maybe talk to him about it PLUS it shows you have done something nice with him, which hopefully will increase her good opinion of you. Just a suggestion 
I hope you enjoy your birthday Nabster.
Happy Birthday Nabster. Have you plans for tonight? I do hope when you ask ex's mum, she does agree to you having your son for a while on your own.
Happy New Year too.
Hey peeps :-)
Had a great night, suffering a bit! I'm confused to why the ironing board is on our kitchen floor surrounded by bottles?! Maybe my halls housemates wanted to make me go to bed somewhere!
Anyway, I didnt ask her yesterday because I had a really short contact, plus little one was really hyper, i think his mum gave him sweets beforehand lol So i had my hands full, but I will ask her on Friday when I see him again. (I have booked a photo session with him and myself to get some great pctures, can't wait!)
Hope your all ok, sending out love to you all :-)
xxx
That sounds brilliant. I bet it would have been uncomfortable sleeping on the ironing board 
, good job it only got as far as the kitchen!
I realise the dates I posted are wrong, oops ;-)