Hi All
Just wondered if anyone else out there in similar situation and how to deal with it. Basically my daughter has grown up without her dad in her life (his choice, i never stopped him having contact) he saw her as a newborn but not since (she is 8years old now) a couple of years ago she started saying things like "why don't i have a daddy like my friends" so i explained to her that some children don't have one or both parents in their life for various reasons. Anyway i found her dad on a social networking site and spoke to him on there and he asked about my daughter etc chatted on there for a good few months and then he just stopped (same as when daughter was a baby) to me that is it, two chances, no more now but i can't hep worrying sometimes about how this might affect my daughter, was i wrong to try and make contact with him again for my daughter? I don't know! she doesn't talk or ask about him and i worry that she might be bottling things up inside. Any advice would be great.
Hi singlemommy. You say your daughter doesn't speak about him or ask anything. Do you ever bring the subject up to her? My son 9 has met his father twice, but I've always been open with him, and we do speak about him from time to time. My son is very aware of why his father isn't in his life.
Perhaps you could start a conversation up about her Dad, and see where you go with it. I believe in honesty, obviously age appropriate.
This is a hard one! honestly is the best policy, however she is still very young and won't truly understand everything yet...maybe just explain that some people are not ready to be mummy and daddy's but she will always have you and you love her very much...as she gets older she will meet more children who only have one parent or maybe come from foster care-adopted so she won't find it so strange or confusing....Best of luck
Hi hopeful
My daughter did type him a message but he didn't respond. Which upset me for her as she was excited at the fact that she did have a dad and then he goes and ignores her!
Hi hazeleyes
My daughter hasnt said anything about him since he stopped replying on social network site, I have tried to speak to her a few times and asked her how she feels about not having her dad in her life, she said she isn't bothered and that she knows who loves her but i worry that, that will change as she gets older and possibly become angry and blame/take it out on me. I agree with what you say about honesty being the best policy but i think some things are best left unsaid!
Hi Tinkerbell2
Thanks for your comment 
Thanks all for comments and advice, much appreciated
Hi singlemommy, you have received some great suggestions already. Please also look at our article How to talk to your child about an absent parent, which may be of help.
There is the saying that people don't miss what they don't know. However, all of us, have fantasised at some point in our childhood (or adulthood) about having the 'perfect' family, so your daughter may think about her father and wonder about him, but because she doesn't know him, I doubt they will be painful heart yearning thoughts, because she doesn't know those feelings. Whereas if we were raised with a father in our lives, we know how it would feel if he wasn't there anymore, but our children don't have that same connection.
Do you get my drift?
Hi Anna
Yes i get what you mean. To be honest i do hope she never wants anything to with him but if when she is older she decideds to look for him and make contact then i will be there for her.
Hi singlemommy, your doing a great job, and there may well be a time in the future when she will want to know more about her father, all we can every really do is be honest and be there and support them.
Thanks Sally W
Hi all
Can anyone give me any advise on child maintenance. I tried to make a claim when my daughter was a baby, through the CSA but i never heard back from them, which i think is partly due to the fact that my ex isn't on the birth certificate (due to the silly rule of not being aloud to put his name on if he wasn't present as we weren't married, and of course being the selfish so n so he is, he refused point blank knowing he'd get away with it) anyway i have struggled finacially for the past 8 years and think it is very unfair that he can get away with not paying towards his daughters upbringing. I know there would have to be a DNA test (which years ago he told me if i ever try to claim maintenance he would get a friend to pretend to be him so the test would show he isn't the dad, reason i never tried again) I don't know if its worth trying again or just to carry on as i have been. I know my ex has a well paid job and could more than afford to pay maintenance. Advise would be much appreciated and would be good to chat to anyone who has been in same situation. Thanks in advance.
You can get in touch with the Child Support Agency again and if there are problems with the application then we have a Child Support Expert on board.
I believe that DNA testing is done with ID, for the very reasons you mention!
Hey,
did your daughter actually speak to him herself?
I understand totally why you worry - it can take years for the feeling of rejection gets expressed. But there is nothing you can really do about this. You have done your very very best, even trying to make contact. It is his choice not to reciprocate. Your daughter will know that.
I've tried to say to my lot that their dad does love them, and that he is probably just very very insecure and doesn't know how to approach them. They seem to accept that.