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Hi my name is L, I am 19 years old and 21 weeks pregnant. Me and the father split up when I was only 12 weeks pregnant. I ended it as he was making me depressed and he had caused a lot of strife and arguments between me and my dad resulting in me getting kicked out. he is now spending time trying to cause arguments between me and my mum and i believe he will do the same with my daughter. the father has ADHD and causes a lot of problems then blows them up out of proportion. he uses things and people to blackmail others. i dont know if im just being selfish but im afraid to put him on the birth certificate as he will then have the right to see my child and to take her away for nights at a time. i dont trust that he is caple to look after her safley as he also has anger issues and i beleive he will destroy any chacne of having a proper relationship with my daughter. he will use her to blackmail me and to get his own way. do i give him the chance and let him make both mine and my daughters lives hell? or do i just not put hijm on the certificate so that i have the right to keep him away when hes causeing trouble?
i haven't explain it very well. im just afraid i know what hes capable of and i don't trust he is safe to have around. Is there a way to protect my daughter from him or do i just hope he will change and we will be safe?
Thank You
L
Hello Llarissa's mummy
It is your choice whether you put him on the birth certificate.
if you don't, then he has got the option to make an application to the court to be granted "parental responsibility" (click to read about this) and it is unlikely this would be refused although of course he will have to go to time, trouble and expense to achieve this.
Really, the same applies to contact time with your daughter. He can take a court action about this too. What I would suggest is that you express your concerns and ask for any contact to be supervised, that is in a Child Contact Centre, if the question of his parenting time comes up. I don't know what your financial position is right now. You can get free advice under the Legal Aid scheme if you are on Income Support or Income-related Job Seekers Allowance so it is worth speaking to a solicitor if this is the case. Click here to find one near you
Hi Llarissa's mummy. Welcome along. Like Louise says, it is your choice whether to put his name on the certificate or not. I chose not to, and my son's father has never made any application for parental responsibility. In fact he probably wouldn't be able to spell it, let alone anything else. I still feel that I made the right choice. My son is now 9 (in a few days). He has nothing to do with him, which suits us both fine (so far anyway).
Oops sorry, forgot to say at the beginning, Congratulations. Do try not to worry about your ex and what problems he is capable of causing. I'm sure your Mum is well aware of the damage he can cause. Try and enjoy the pregnancy as much as you can. Take care. xx
Hi llarissas mummy if you are at all worried about parental responsibility then I would just leave his name off its only a piece of paper. I put my ex on the birth certificate then when my 5 year old was 2 he got steaming drunk at my flat while I was asleep I woke up when he was smashing up my guitar then he grabbed my by the throat and I ended up on the floor. I phoned my sister as hoped it would make him calm down meanwhile he took my daughter in her buggy in cold winter with only pyjamas a thin coat and my slipper socks on at midnight on new years eve and was found by police with her at a pub he was agressive and abusive towards a female officer. We had never lived together he has never provided any money for us he is a alcoholic. It was a rare occurrence for him to be at my flat at night I only let him stay as at the time we lived 20 miles away from him I thought I should encourage a relationship with his daughter and he swore his drinking was under control.
For months after this my daughter needed me to cuddle her at night all night she was obviously traumatised. Any way at the end of the story he wasnt charged because the police thought as he had parental responsibility he was allowed to behave like this. 18 months later when he broke into my mums house and was found in my younger sisters room who has learning difficulties I told the officer who dealt with it what had happened before she said she had worked for child protection for years and she shook her head and said it was wrong. But it still happened because its a mans world and the rules are made and enforced by men or (I hate to say it) women who are trying to be men. There is no common sense.
PS social services said they would write to him but they didnt.
You are not being selfish you are trying to protect yourself and your child. You can give your child his surname if you like as anyone can be called anything they like but just not on legal docs.
I dont exactly mean to be negative but he wont change its more likely he'll get worse when baby comes along. Ive seen a link to some info from the freedom programme on this forum somewhere you might find helpful its a real eye opener.
Congratulations and good luck! Have you thought of any names yet ?
Hi fairyface, thanks for sharing your story, do we share the same ex?!? 
Llarissa'smummy, I would take heed to fairyface's story, if you know your ex to be problematic and you do not trust that he will control his anger, then omitting him from the birth certificate, may be a sensible idea, however as Louise says, this does not necessarily mean that you will be able to control how much he sees your baby, if he decides to pursue the matter through the Court system.
As fairyface says, Do not rely on him changing and you feeling safe. This is very rare and if it were to happen, it wouldn't happen overnight.
Can you talk to your mum about him and the situation? Does she recognise that he is causing trouble? Can she stand up to him, or does she just let you deal with it?
He's never been physicaly dangerous but emotional damage is just as destructive