hi there everyone.i am looking for some advice when it comes to contact between my ex partner and son.. my son is 3 years old and stays with his dad everyother weekend (when he turns up) this is by court order. my ex partner is a violent man that likes his alcohol and drugs. my son was on the child protection register as a baby until social services were happy that we were no longer in a relationship as it was unsafe for the baby to be caught in the crossfire. when we attended court a long time ago. we both had to have alcohol tests..ordered by social services.. anything over 1.6 was classed as high.. my result was 0.6 my ex partners was 3.6 although this made no difference to him having contact.. when my son goes up to his fathers. who still lives with his elderly mother, who has had 2 heart attacks and a stroke, he leaves my son with her and goes out drinking. he dosnt even go home. i then have to try and find transport to collect him on the sun as noone knows where his father is.. he constantly withholds money.. he works full time off the books and has a lot of money. i recieve £2.50 a week through the csa as he is unemployed as far as they know..he has alo started selling the drug meow meow, i have heard lately.he is always ringing me and texting me. threatning me and my friends, calling me names. just being a big bully. tells me i am a crap mother etc.gettin girls to pick fights with me. i feel that i have had2 put up with all this for my sons sake.. but he dosnt even get to see him anyway..i honestly think i have tried my bet for 3 years and i hould stop the contact.where do i stand on this legally?? i want whats best for my son. an really think we are better off without him??
Hi colesmami. Welcome along. As sally has pointed out, you do need to seek legal advice for this, and hopefully, something can be done. Do you keep or record texts and phone calls? If not, you should start doing this straightaway.
Sorry to hear that you're going through all of this. I hope you get something sorted soon. Keep posting, as others will have lots of great advice for you.
thank you..i am ringing a solicitor tomorrow to see what can be done.. i just don't want things to affect my son. i always thought it was best he knew his dad and would have the information to make his own decision about him as he grew older. now i'm not so sure
Hi colesmami
You do indeed need some legal advice, as Sally has said.
In addition I would suggest you get a new SIM card for your phone and do not give your son's dad the number. Tell him that the SIM card for which you have a number will be put in your phone on such and such a day for such and such a time, and stick to it, then at least you will be free of texts and harrassment the rest of the time.
I would also like to suggest that you drop an email to our Child Support Expert (click to see) about how you can get the CSA to set a more realistic amount of support. Also if he is on benefits and you know he is earning extra money, you could consider reporting him, see here.
thank you for your advice louise. but i have reported him several times. nothing gets done. the csa cant demand anymore as he is on benefits as far as they know.. i have changed my num several times and he always manages to grt it from somewhere. when i have a sim for his calls as u say. i turn it on and abusive texts and answer phone messages cum rolling in.. i feel as if i have tried everything..
Hello colesmami, poor you, it feels as if you are really at the end of your tether with this. You have tried so many practical things and nothing seems to have much of an effect.
What did the solicitor say?
I do agree with Hazeleyes' idea of recording texts and phone calls...even if you cannot physically record them, get yourself an exercise book and start keeping a written record of what happens. This will then form part of your evidence if you are able to allege harrassment at a later date. I guess that if you were to stop contact then he would then have the option of taking a court action against you. Does your solcitiro think this is the way to go, with the court looking at all the circumstances?
Hi colesmami firstly welcome to One Space, i really think that you need to have legal advice click here for a link for our legal expert who should be able to tell you where you stand legally.
It sounds like a rather awful time that you have been through already, have you refused contact before? have you tried doing anything about your ex's abusive behaviour, like an harrassment order, again though you would need legal help.
Do keep us posted and let us know how you get on with the legal expert