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dont know what to do with myself, dont want to talk about it at the moment, just want the pain to stop!
why did i bother trying to have a relationship again, people always let you down.
am hurting so much.
Been thinking of you Pansy.
You take care of you. Yes, it does hurt, what ever age and at what ever stage.
xxx
Hi Pansy. We have missed you, and been wondering how you and the children are doing. I'm sorry the relationship didn't work out, and that you're hurting right now. You know from past experience with the ex, that you can move on from this, and the pain you're feeling now will of course lesson as time goes on. I hope you keep posting, and let us support you. Take care.
xx
thank you for your support. I'm sorry i havent been around, i have had to hi-jack my daughters computer as mine stopped working back in October, so I dont get the chance to get online very much anymore, i can use it when shes at college though.
daughter in scotland is fine, seems to have finally stopped being angry with me & wants to come & visit at easter time, although she has warned me she will find it difficult & we are both worried she will break down & not want to go back home.
Eldest daughter is struggling with her relationship with BF of 8 mnths, is long time for her, but she finds relationships hard, she is only 16! also her depression has got worse & she had flu at xmas, apparently she has low white blood cells indicating that the glandular fever virus she had the xmas before has still not gone! she is really struggling with her health!
Did not work out for son at school, we are waiting AGAIN for someone to contact us about the out of schools service taking him on as he has been reffered again. so the battle continues there.
I have been very happy in my relationship & he makes me very happy, but if I have any kind of blip to my emotional wellbeing that reflects in any way on him then he has no tolerance at all & i am treated in a cold way. I dont know what will become of us yet, I find him very confusing, he is very encouraging, supportive, caring, loving, funny, goes out of his way to try & make people happy but can switch it all off & turn cold when he gets an idea in his head. It would be a shame to chuck it all away, but im not sure if im really loved & its painful.
Hello Pansy sorry to hear that your in pain again and you wouldent have to go through it.
Having ups and down i suppose are part of having a relationship as its two different peoples opinions.
Like you i am feeling bad been seeing a woman for 6months and this weekend had a massive fall out, i am massively to blame i accept that and have appologies.Feel bad that i have let her down and myself.
Long story but it revolved around drugs and i am so against them, just hope we can kiss and make up as we both believe we have something special, just so hard to juggle work kids money and get to know someone new.
Hope you two can sit down and talk work out how you want to be treated and how far you can go.
Stuart
Hi Pansy
Obviously we can't go into the ins and outs of your relationship on here (as it is a public forum) but I do hope you feel better soon and sort out what is the best way forward for you.
it is good to have news of you and the children. Great that your daughter in Scotland seems calmer. Do you think she has still not accepted living up there, if she would not want to return after an Easter visit? You are having to wait a long time to get your son some help, that is bad, they have a DUTY towards him. Your eldest daughter is learning about relationships at the moment and there are some tough lessons, as we adults know.Hopefully her health will improve. Does the doctor say it is a matter of time for her to recover?
Hi Stuart
Sorry to hear that you had a falling out and great that you have recognised your part in it all, I would just say that if it is something you feel very strongly about though, then maybe it isn't case for compromise so do look after your own interests as well!
Hi Pansy. Great news about daughter in Scotland. It's also good that she has been honest in telling you how she might feel about returning, if she sees you at Easter. How do her brother and sister feel about the visit? Regarding the glandular fever, I know someone who had it, and it took just over a year to be fully recovered. I hope she is ok. Awful that your son is still waiting. It's a shame it didn't work out at school, but he tried it, and that is the main thing.
You're questioning if b/f really loves you or not. Only you can decide on that Pansy. You shouldn't, and don't have to put up with being treated in a cold manner when something isn't going his way or whatever. There are of course always blips in a relationship, but if there are more blips than anything else, then I guess you have to decide if it's really worth it. You need someone to support you too.
xx
Hi pansy, great to 'see' you, and as the others have said, good to have some news about the children.
Look after yourself, listen to the voice within, only you know what is OK and what is not.
There is an excellent organisation called Couple Connections, click on their name and it will take you to their website, where you can explore a relationship you are concerned about. Have a look and let us know what you think of it.
Take care of yourself :)
stuart,
sorry to hear your having a struggle too, i suppose its all part of getting to know each other & a persons limits etc.
I have just checked out the link Anna gave me, looks really good, you should have a look too. I have only had time to join & have a quick look so far, will let you know what i think when i've explored it more.
am feeling a lot better than i was about things because there are hardly ever blips really but then i must remember that we only see each other for 4 days every 2 weeks! what would it be like if we lived together? who knows? not ready for all that anyway, am happy with how things are for now.
I suppose when we have had a break up of a long relationship & we are older we have fears that surface about things, know as 'damage' lol & that does not help anyone. it takes along time to get to know someone properly & part of it is working out any differences.
Anna,
thanks for that link! I will let you know how i get on with it.
Pansy x
Hello Pansy
Yes i agree with you about the damage you have after a long relationship you have many fears and worries.And finding out about your new partner takes time we only see each other when we can.
Id love the family life of two parents again and have that commitment and love and respect between two people but its a slow process when kids are involed and your both working and independent.
Stuart
Hi pansy, I am so pleased you liked the site.
I agree we do carry a lot of feelings/fears and insecurities from one relationship into another.
We have to keep believing in ourselves, be assertive and not make excuses for the other person, just because we don't want to go through the trauma of splitting up again and feeling the pain.
A male friend of mine recently started dating someone new, all was well for a few weeks, when I spoke to him after Xmas to find out what they had got up to, he told me his date had been a bit distant and had snapped at him quite a few times. He followed this by saying, that he understood as her parents had both died in the last couple of years and her auntie lives abroad and her niece is suffering from anorexia.....I asked him if that was her explanation and he replied that, she hadn't said as much but he thought that was what was probably up......
At this point I recognised my old self, making excuses for someone else's behaviour.
If she had apologised to him and said that she was a bit down for all the above reasons, then yeah I get it. But she didn't. He was making all that up, just so that he could excuse her rude behaviour.
We need to be honest with each other and communicate openly and if we don't like what we hear, then we need to be honest with ourselves.
Thats my relationship information for the day!!!
Stuart, good luck with your relationship, hope it all goes well for you.
I had a lovely wekend with BF & feel much better now some baggage has been sorted out.
forgot to tell you all that I have been very brave & have been going to Salsa dance class for the last 3 weeks, went ON MY OWN!!!!! am very proud of myself, argued with myself in the car park before I went in, but was fine once I'd done the first class, they are all a lovely lot & it makes no differnce that I am on my own because everyone has to dance with everyone there & not in partners. I LOVE it, should have done it years ago. I think it will end up being a big part of my life.
BF is doing Aikido these days twice a week, is good for us both to be doing things.
I bet the Salsa is fun! Would have loved to have done that in my pre-wonky legs days!
Glad you're ok.
Glad things have settled down for you, Pansy. Well done on the Salsa lessons! I used to do an evening job doing the money and door for local Ceroc classes and I know how everyone loved it.
Hooray, good for you pansy, how refreshing and fun!
I was away recently and a friend invited me to a Salsa dance! It was a room full of different aged people from all walks of life! I had a whale of a time! men would come up and ask you to dance and if you didn't like the look of them or were knackered, the etiquette was to say 'Thank you but I am resting' and then you had to sit that dance out (ie not dance with anyone else) it was fab and lots of the older chaps were more than willing to help you learn how to do it! Shame we don't do that more over here.
....that is ace. Next time son rushes in demanding his tea/bus fare/help with homework I am going to say "Thank you, but I am resting" 
Do you think it'll work Louise 
Glad you had fun Pansy.
Hello Pansy
First of all, we have missed you.
I am sorry that you are so hurt right now, just sending you lots of positive thoughts and I am sure others will be along later to do the same. Be kind to yourself during this sad time, it is important to grieve and let your feelings out.
Let us know how are you doing.