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Seriously fed up today!
Ive had enough lately... I can't remember the last time I was around positive people/family, when I last felt cheerful or didn't have a job to do or a responsibility to take care of, or when somebody (anybody) had something nice to say to me, or even genuinely belly laughed!
Im so tired of it!
I left my partner at the end of 2011. At the same time, I moved into a new house, started a college course and my oldest child started school!
I thought it was all going to be a new start for me and my 2 little ones, and it did seem that way for a couple of months, but it gradually went the other way and these past few months have been absolute crap!
Nothing seems to be progressing, no matter how hard I try ... Im starting to feel that I want to much, is it too much to just have a nice comfortable home, that doesnt need a repair job every month, to gain some qualifications so I can get a decent job, to have happy children, to have at least 1 friend in my life and to be able to spend time with family without them dragging me down even further or just to have a get-together with family without it all ending in an arguement or disagreement!
I feel absolutely alone today, and desperate for somebody in my life, that gives a damn!
Whenever my children are with their father ... I do nothing! (Apart from stay in doing jobs/washing/housework/dealing with bills or Homework!)
I tried to take the kids camping this weekend, but because of the weather (and family), that was also a bit disappointing!
Now this morning the kids have gone with their Dad and tomorrow there going to go to a Park, where his gf and her godsons are coincidently going to be! And I will no doubt, be at home, watching the rain, dwelling on the situation!
I just want a fresh start! I want to get my qualifications, get a job, support my children, give them a nice happy home, but I also want some friends, and a social life, and maybe one day a love life ... (when I have some confidence)!
Am I asking too much, or should I just except that this is it for me, when Im not with my children doing everyday routine and dealing with stress, I should be happy on my own, knowing Ill have 2 days to 'do jobs', knowing my phone wont ring and I wont get a visitor, or have anywhere to go apart from the shop!
For 2 years it's been like this and Im so fed up of it! And Facebook makes it worse, with everyones showing of of expensive things, events and party's and all their friends and happy families/relationships!
I am poor all the time, paying for this house! I dont go anywhere because people dont ever want to stay friends with me (and im no a bad person)! I admit I have not one bit of self-esteem lately, sometimes I think my own son doesnt like me! So as for ever having a bf again, think I can forget about that!
Im totally lost without my kids, and Im totally lost as to how to change are lives for the better! I don't know what to do anymore, because even when I try to change anything, I get nowhere!
Im just existing at the minute, to keep a roof over our heads and to make sure my kids are clean and fed! ... Why can't I just be happy with that? Why can't I just be content with it? :'(
Hmm. Apart from the very odd day I have to say I have never felt really lonely. I have always tried to make the best out of everything, so when the ex still was seeing the children I did stuff I enjoyed. I am probably very blessed in that I have always had lots of friends and aquaintances (my family are abroad) and I don't have to be on my own ever, if I don't want to.
When your children are with their dad, don't do the jobs and the housework, but do something just for you. Don't diss aquaintances, not every encounter with another person has to be deep and meaningful: it's ok to do stuff just for fun every now and then. Also, friendships develop from aquaintances. Sometimes you just have to jump over your own shadow and just ask your neighbour or anyone you remotely like to just go for a coffee or to the pictures or something. (I lied to myself for years, telling me I am confident until I believed it).
And I know a lot of people won't like me for saying this bit, but it has a lot of truth: Live your life around your children by all means, but not through them. I have always maintained my own identity. I am 'Hopeful' first, not 'Mum'. Yes, the children's needs come first, but not necessarily their wishes. That doesn't mean I don't try to fullfill their wishes (I do, and if I do it a lot they start saying I should do something for myself).
You have come so far already! You can do the rest, too!!! Hugs xxx
Hi honey
ok it really doesn't happen overnight and its not easy but it is possible to cement a full and fulfilling life for yourself, it takes time obviously so think about what you would like your life to be like? ... How would you like it to be day to day ? Friends neighbours nipping in and out or going out more meeting people etc you can mold your life to be this way its a case of figuring out how to make it happen
your not alone you know
and it sounds like your already doing a great job I doubt you feel you are at this time but believe me you are x
Hi Wildflower
So much of what you say resonates with me! I have recently started trying to make more effort to get a social life. I have become the neighbourhood watch rep for my street, joined a band (I used to be a singer) and started a single parents (Gingerbread) group.
It has been a massive effort and one that is probably only possible because I am not working. You are doing an amazing amount of stuff with studying as well. I went to stay with an old friend last weekend when the boys were with their children and she pointed out that everything I am doing is "work" (boys, the charity I run, dealing with my ex-H, dealing with my landlady). You have to give yourself credit for what you are doing. Single parenthood is hard.
One thing I do keep in mind is no matter how crappy it is now, I wouldn't want to be back in that relationship. I expect you feel the same. It's better to be alone and in control of your destiny, than shackled to someone who is dragging you down.
One thing I did about a year ago was cut off contact with my Mum. This was because she was toxic and controlling. You mention problems with your family - obviously I am not suggesting you do the same, but I would highly recommend letting go of your wishes and dreams for your family relationships and deal with the reality.
If the reality is they suck the life out of you, you really want to limit how often you see them and make sure you have great boundaries around them. For example, if they always stay too long make sure you see them at their house and have an exit strategy.
At the moment there is probably more pressure on your family relationships than there should really be because you don't have many friends. I have been trying to build up my support network recently. I have thought about the friends I have met through nursery and school etc. and started to put some serious time into meeting up with them for coffee etc. I have also offered to babysit for friends when I don't have the boys. I have been able to ask favours in return and that's a really great way to build friendships - people love being asked to help.
It's hard when there's no one there to give you a lift and everything around you is draining but if you can try and be positive when you're around aquaintances/potential friends, you might spot opportunities you may otherwise have missed.
For example, over a year ago I was watching my 4 year old's swimming lesson and got chatting to a lady. She seemed really interesting. We swapped numbers and have kept in touch via text occasionally. She got pregnant and was quite poorly so we didn't meet up until today! She is a positive person, starting her own business, great outlook on life. I feel energised for having spent the morning with her, but I would never have done that if I had not sparked up that initial conversation.
Regarding your son, I doubt he dislikes you. Most likely he's just reflecting back what he sees from you. I have been through periods of this myself. The answer for me has been to stop the way I have been relating and completely change!! For example, I get stuck in a "no" rut where everything they want to do seems so hard. The opposite of that is to seem very enthusiastic when they are talking about whatever it is. Sometimes I have found enthusiasm is enough and I haven't actually had to do anything else!
It's so hard to be a single parent doing all the extra stuff you are doing. You hvae to give yourself a pat on the back at all you have achieved. Oh and remember, Facebook is not a true representation of people's lives!
Love Gem
x
hi wildflower how are u today, are u ok im fed up, x
I always felt lost when the children were with their Dad. Yet, the time did go quickly.
I did have a boyfriend for a couple of years, but, again, a bad choice as he never seemed to make me feel better about myself.
I've been on my own for six years. Like you, I'm always broke - even though I have a housing association house. However, one thing I have achieved in that time is to feel content with life and most importantly to get on with myself again.
I have a very limited social life though, and have only 'just' started to go out for an ocassional bar snack with a friend (she's a lone parent too) up the road.
I do work, and really that has kept me in contact with people, and I'm lucky as I do get on well with the other clerk in the office.
What you're doing now with college is working towards a better future. You've done well with this, and already two years has gone by. This will get you to where you want to be. It will lead to a new life.
One thing though I have come to learn through my divorce and the rubbish that led up to it and that happened since, is that there is a huge difference between associates and friends. Friends are very few and far between, and when you have them are so precious. However, you can still have a laugh with associates.
I've no idea if any of this makes sense, sorry. I'm watching the rain coming down the window and am also feeling a bit lonely.
Be proud of what you have achieved. You will get there.
This board is great for a bit of company though, even if it is virtual...