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Im having a really bad day today (and yesterday obviously)!
I've been summing up my life a bit the past month and can't find anything positive at all!
*My college course isn't going good, Im struggling to concentrate
*I have absolutely zero confidence
*Ive got no friends or support network
*I don't go out, even though I don't have kids on a weekend (usually trying to do college work or housework)
*I don't have any hobbies because Im just not good at anything
*My house I rent is awful, but can't move!
*My car is about to fall apart which means I wont be able to get to college
*My oldest child (5 years) is struggling at school
*My little one has had illness after illness lately
AND IM JUST TOTALLY DOWN & COMPLETELY SHATTERED!
I've cried everyday for the past 2 weeks, and Ive just had enough! I went to the docs but they said they couldn't help me because I don't want to take Anti-depressants.
I feel rock bottom, totally alone and feel my life isn't gonna get any better than this (cus it's never really been great) Ive had enough, I dont know what to do anymore :(
Thanks for replying.
I know I can sound like Im whining and I know there are lots of people in the same boat as me or even worse, but I just can't seem to see a light at the end of the tunnel (iykwim).
I set out to make this year a good one, and it just hasn't been that way so far!
I really don't want to take Anti-d's again. They didn't work last time I tried and I ended up putting piles of weight on which made my se;f-esteem even worse. I did go to a session of councelling but all they advised was self-help!
I never get anywhere, even when I try.
I just want to do well at college, get a job, and provide for my children and get them a nice home, but my confidence and concentration just floors me everytime, I feel useless, and sometimes think my kids would be better off with there dad. But he has a new girlfriend so don't think he'll appreciate that!
My little girl just keeps picking things up from nursery, so my tutor is already on my case about punctuality and attendence!
I can't seem to win!
I do try to take 'time out' but I just end up thinking even more or getting restless, thinking I should be working or doing something!
Im up at 5am everyday, and just go to bed with the kids every night cus Im so tired!
I keep thinking that if this is all that there is even when I try to help myself, what hope have I got at bringing my children up well!
Hi, your gp can refer you to a therapist, might help just to be able to let everything out to someone. The only other thing I can suggest is strict organisation and routine to fit everything in and know that eventually you'll feel better, for the first year of my sons life we moved 5 times because the places we were rented weren't nice, I had no friends so went to the childrens centre with my son and when he started nursery volunteered in a couple of places to meet people, I was doing childcare level 3 as well and paying off debt and trying to keep bailiffs at bay, also found out I was pregnant again, my first few flats had no furniture and I felt at rock bottom, I couldn't provide for my son, I wasn't eating because every penny I had went on my son or debt, we had washable nappies and had help from the british legion. I understand completely how you must be feeling but really you're lucky you have the weekends where you can do what you want and get ahead with coursework, get a saturday job to meet people, decorate the house or revamp the furniture to make it more of a home. I also suffer from depression and have done since I was a toddler so I know it's easier said then done but hang on it there things will get better xxx
Hello dear Wildflower
I am so sorry to hear you are feeling like this. Yes, there are lots of self-help things you can do...and I am guessing if it were "that easy" you would have done some of them by now. Some great posts by Hazeleyes and Colie to encourage you, there is lots of support here 
Please go back to your doctor and ask if there is a different sort of anti depressant than the one you had before, there are lots of different types. Explain that you are worried about putting on weight and that is an anxiety for you. Would you get referred to the same counsellor as last time? It is true that a counsellor will encourage you to help yourself but it feels as if you need some TLC first.
You made a long list of negative things and let's be realistic, this is not going to change overnight. What I would suggest is just starting with ONE SMALL thing to improve. You are really tired and yet sleep does not seem to be refreshing you. Your goals really are quite BIG ones at the moment and even Superwoman would fall short! Time to cut yourself some slack and concentrate on things you DO achieve, not those areas in which you feel lacking.
Now of course this is up to you but this could be one way....
"I havent any friends or support network" You're not going to meet a bosom buddy overnight but join ONE THING, at the children's centre as Colie suggests and just chat to people to get your confidence back...is there a Sure Start? Have a look at Home Start too, if there is one in your area, their volunteers are an absolute gift.
And go to the GP
And look at the enormous number of hours you are spending on housework...not necessary. Pretend you are a cleaner arriving at your house on a Saturday or Sunday morning. You can clean the whole thing top to bottom including bathroom and change the beds in two hours flat unless you live in Downton Abbey hehe. Then all you have to do is one quick clean through mid week and perhaps a daily hoover and washload. Plan the food....cook double each time and freeze the rest, hey presto an easy dinner for another night. If you have to get up at 5 with one of the children get chores done then and you can relax later.
I haven't met you, Widlflower, but I can tell you are an intelligent, articulate woman with great fortitude and a lot to offer..and we are here to hold your hand 
Sending you a massive HUG tonight
Hi Wildflower. No way do you sound like you're whinging. I hope I didn't come across as saying that in my post. x. The early morning thing, and going to bed with your little ones, sounds like me. I do sleep badly, and am on sleeping tablets, but still I wake early, and by the end of the day, am shattered. My son is 10, so thought things would be easier!! Single parenthood is ruddy hard, but I try to focus on the positives. The antidepressants. Some don't work for us, so it's a case of hit and miss I'm afraid. What works for one doesn't work for others, so you could always go back and speak to your GP, and try another one. Louise, our parenting specialist will give more info on the counselling stuff. Your little one at nursery, well, that's one of those things, and they are building up their immune system, so hopefully that will settle down. Your tutor should be more understanding of your situation surely.
You're doing a great job at bringing your children up, so don't knock yourself. Keep posting and we'll all be here for you. x
Ohhhh Wildfower you are me a good few years ago. I feel sooooo sorry for you and sending you a big big hug.
I was like this for a long time but after piulls potions and anything my doctor could have given me the onl thing that wored was ME!!!!
I kicked myself up the backside and made myself happier - its so hard to do but 2 years down the line m family friends and work friends noticed best of all the last 12 mths my employer noticed and Ive just has a payrise for my 'positivity' thats one thing i never was.
I dont know how i did it ive for no magic potion but i got out of where you are and i was there over 10 years
Dont give up please x
hm x x
ps i waffle lots ive got a stinking cold so no idea what i just wrote but was from the heart and a tissue x
Hi Wildflower. How are you doing today?
Hi Wildflower
I too recognise what you are going through, when the whole world seems to be revolving, but no-one is noticing/helping you.
This time will pass, but there are changes that can be made. I read You can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay (it is self help, but very simple yet effective). It actually changed my life! Try again with the counselling, you need to have more than one session.
I didn't see any way forward for my life and getting out of bed and getting on was extremely hard, so my hat of to you for raising 2 small children and going to college on top of everything else.
I wonder how you feel about Louise's suggestion of going to the Childrens Centre? Is this possible? Would you feel confident to do this? Do you have the time?
One thing that really helped me was to turn everything from a negative into a positive (I didn't always believe the positive, but I tried to!)
What support do you have from friends or family?
Hi Wildflower. Am so sorry that you're feeling so low. Firstly, although some people don't like taking anti depressants, they can just be a short gap help for you. Would you not re-consider taking them? If not, have you considered counselling of some sort? Your little one has had illness after illness, so I can imagine how this would also be getting you down. Has the GP put the illnesses down to anything, or are you talking about colds, infections, etc? Hobbies? I'm like you in this respect. Not good at anything, so I do sympathise on this one. When your children aren't with you at weekends, instead of housework, or college work, take some time out for yourself, and maybe go to the cinema, or just curl up and watch a DVD. Chill out time. In what way is your flat awful? Is it the decor, or things need fixing? It's hard to concentrate when you're struggling, which is why I'm suggesting the chill out time. No one can study, clean, juggle kids, and everything else. A bit of fresh air can do wonders too. I found this over Christmas, and forced myself to go out.
Please do keep posting, as you'll get some wonderful help here. Take lots of care.