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Hi all,
I understand that religion can be an immotive subject but am not trying to start a debate on the religion as such but I am having some what of a dilema with littleangel...
I am an atheist, although I was brought up christian and was baptised and 'confirmed' in my early teens. I hated church and everything about it (I often got thrown out of Sunday school for asking too many 'silly' questions about the existence of God) So as soon as I was old enough I denounced the faith. My daughters dad is Catholic and my current partner is Muslim.
Littleangel has been pestering me for months about what religion she is. I have told her that she can decide that when she is older as I dont personally believe in forcing children in to any faith and I would rather she looks at all angles and makes her choice when she is older.
Unfortunately she is not happy at this because all her friends are either Catholic or Muslim and most my family are christian. I have taken her to a church just for a look around and so she can see what it is about and my other half has offered to take her to a Mosque so she can have a nosey. But now she is saying she wants to be baptised because all my family are and she is scared she wont go to heaven. Obviously I dont believe this to be true at all or she would have been baptised but I guess peer pressure has got her believing this and I dont know what to do.
To baptise her means I have to start taking her to church and I have major objections to this. I have kept my daughter out of religious schools for the fact that I do not want the teachings of any faith drummed in to her. The school she attends now is multi faith so she learns about all religions and all their festivals which I am cool with but I just have objections to any religious teachings being given to her as fact. A clear example of this being that she now thinks she wont go to heaven because she isnt baptised.
What should I do? Force myself back in to a church I dont believe in and allow them to preach to my daughter so she doesnt feel fearful of 'hell'. Or continue bringing her up without a designated faith leaving her choices open? Help?
Good post, Hopeful. I was thinking that your daughter could go along to a Sunday school maybe, and see how she feels? Alternatively how would you feel about her joining the Brownies, where they attend church parade on a monthly basis and she could get a flavour of what it's all about?
Thanks for your ideas guys!
My little 'un is 8 hopeful. And I am a bit wary of someone else taking her as I want to know what she is being taught as there are somethings I have major objections to (such as views against homosexuality, contraception, chastity and 'hell'). You are right about people using the church just for big events and I feel wrong for doing that if she were to christened I would make sure she understood why and what it means etc.
Louise she is a Brownie! Maybe that where she getting the fascination from because I didnt realise the Brownies had such a religious leading tbh.
I don't think that in the brownie context such subjects get talked about and that most churches would be very sensitive as to what age they'd even begin to approach stuff like that.
I've never heard contraception being talked about within any church setting! I think things like the church services the Brownies are involved in are very 'tame' if you like. :-)
Oh ok cool. I guess I had a bad experience with the church growing up but then again I was there till about 14 and those topics were being brought up a fair bit.
Had another chat with her tonight and she is adamant she wants be either a christian, a catholic, a muslim or a sikh lol I remnded her that muslims and seeks dont get baptised but she said i dont care because muslims have eid and sikh's have lots of festivals. I think she just wants to feel like she 'belongs' to some kind of faith so she isnt left out amongst her friends. It such a difficult one for me because I really resented my mum dragging me to church just because she believed in it (although she never stayed for any of the services lol) but now am scared little 'un will resent me for not taking her to a church, mosque or temple lol as an atheist it would be impossible for me to even pick a religion out of the air for her to become part of. She was getting really upset with herself aswell bless her, I told her she can still say the Lord's prayer every night if she wants (I still remember that one) and then she could call herself a christian and get christened when she is older but she has gone to bed a very unhappy little girl 
I guess you will have to gauge the situation as you go along....but saying she wants to be one of a number of things says to me that she wants to feel she "belongs", does that make sense?
Yeah thats what I'm thinking Louise and I gues coz the majority of people do 'belong' to a religion she is struggling to see where she fits in. Obviously atheism isnt a religion so I cant/wont bring her up as an atheist. I just wanted her to live her childhood and see what if/any religion she is drawn in to when she is older. My family are dying for me to christen her but only really for the party, but she is kind of the only one in my family that isnt christened so I do feel a bit mean really.
Hmmmm, deary me, nothing with kids is ever easy!!!
Hi littleangel, your upbringing sounds like mine! Church every week until I was about 14 and rebelled so much my parents couldn't make me anymore!
I didn't get my daughter christened when she was a baby. As she went through junior school there were some religious aspects and I told her my views. That all religions have good bits and bad bits and I am not prepared to stick to one of them, so we are lucky enough to enjoy all the good bits of lots of different ones.
So we get to enjoy Christmas and Easter (for the fun and family part), we live our lives with the same principles as the 10 commandments, we give to the people less fortunate as us at Ramadan and we enjoy Chinese new year celebrations (I know thats not religious), we prefer to cover up than show lots of flesh etc etc. Also pagan festivals on Mayday! So as we are a multi racial family, we celebrate multiple religions and have preference over none.
I have tried to pass that on to my daughter and as you say, when she is an adult she will have her own exploring to do. I believe we are all connected spiritually and who is to say what is right or wrong.
I totally agree with you Anna. Man church was like torture for me as a kid lol
My only problem seems to be getting my daughter to understand that she doesnt have to be formally part of any religion so that she can belong. I understand it from her point of view when all her mates are going church/mosque or whatever she feels left out but I need to figure out our own little sunday service that she can feel part of.
Would you do something at home? Maybe something to do with nature? and she could say a prayer if she wanted and you could think about something to do with ethics (the sort of stuff you would have been teaching her anyway such as being kind to other people or being honest)
Hi littleangel
my girls are aged 2 and 5 if they ever ask me if they are baptised/christened I will tell them yes they are because when they were tiny babies and I washed their hair over the bath I said you are (insert full name) and you are a beautiful princess /sparkly pixie or similar. Would your daughter feel better if you said something like that when/if you rinse her hair sometime ? What does she believe ? What do you believe? Could you come up with something that you both agree with? Perhaps you could say that although you dont think there is a hell JUST IN CASE you will ask some angels to protect her ?
Best wishes, good luck xxx
You dont need to mention anything to do with hell at all, and you could have your own baptism at home, that's a lovely suggestion fairyface 
I guess it is all to do with figuring out WHY she feels like this, is it to belong? (in which case it is not really the baptism it is the going along every week and having your own service would not satisft that wish) You could consider her going along to a service of her choice (no need to be baptised to go to church!) and going with her....but not in the sprirt of dragging her, in the way of Ok we will go along and see what YOU think. I bet she will soon be pretty keen not to go, and if she does still want to, well then she has made her own decision and it doesn't mean you have to go too. Hmmm, it's a difficult one!
I am just wondering if it is because she is having conflicting emotions going on at the moment regarding her father and thinks that 'God' can help?
fairyface, you mentioned angels. I really like the concept of angels, that you can talk to them, ask them for things, but they aren't religious, just guardians of us!
Hi All some really good suggestions. Particularly the angels because as you know I have and always will refer to my little one as my 'little angel' I have a tattoo with her name and an angel on my shoulder and have always told her she was an angel sent to me by my dad (who has passed).
She does believe in God and that is fine with me and she has begun saying the lords prayer every night but she has been on a couple of sleepovers where the children do that too. It is hard for me to see whether she actually WANTS to be in a religion or she just wants to be like her friends.
Anna, you could be right about this coinciding with all the other stuff with her dad. I have always been as open as I can with her and she often plods herself on my knee and opens a discussion about him and tells me generally how she she feels about him. I havenet noticed any changes in her behaviour or anything and she hasnt started wetting the bed (which she always does when something happens) so maybe this could be an alternative way of her dealing with it?!
The bigger she gets the less likely the bedwetting will recur, but emotional stages will manifest in other ways, I reckon
Hi littleangel,
this is a really tricky one. I am a Christian, so obviously I have some personal ideas, but I'll try to stay as objective as I can.
Firstly I think it's really good that you say that if she gets baptised you'd have to take her to church on a regular basis and also that you would not like that. It means you take the whole faith issue seriously and are not a hypocrite! :-)
Then: how old is your daughter? And if she really really wants to go to a church, has she any friends she could go with? It's difficult - you don't really seem to want to stop her, but on the other hand you don't want to go somewhere where you feel uncomfortable. Would you be ok with her going with someone else? Maybe you would feel comfortable in a 'free church' rather than the strict catholic or anglican setting?
I agree that it is not a baptism that gets you into heaven though!
If you are really against all this, your daughter will have to wait until she is old enough to decide herself.
Just some thoughts, I know, no real help.
Hope you find the right way! x