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Not sure if this is on right forum but I just wondered what people's experiences and feelings were regarding presents for their ex's on behalf of the kids.
My experience is that I had already bought quite a few things for ex for Christmas so when we split in November I decided that the kids could still give him his presents - I was really upset and angry to find that he had not bothered to get the kids something to give to me in return.
So now moving on it is his birthday in a few weeks and I got them to pick a card the other day but there is no way on God's earth I am getting any presents unless the kids specifically ask for some money to buy him something - if they do I will ask them to do jobs to earn the money which is standard in our house.
Is this mean? I doubt very much when he sees them tomorrow he will prompt them to buy me a Mothers Day gift
I know this has come up before as I mentioned the Christmas gifts at the time and some of you told me your thoughts - I would appreciate some more responses anyway although I think I have made up my own mind that unless the kids ask to get him something I won't be doing anything for him
Hello LRH
Well you have helped them choose a card so they know it is his birthday....up to them if they want to organise or ask about a prezzie, in my opinion. Now mine are pretty grown up the eldest dragoons the youngest into cards for fathers day and his dad's birthday, I used to organise cards for them when they were younger.
With my lot, I did take them shopping for the cards and gifts as I felt it was the right thing to do. He didn't for me, which is fair enough - his choice, and being a Git I didn't expect any more of him 
However, when The Git married The Gittess I told the children that it was now up to her to sort out the gifts with them, and that is when I stopped.
The only thing I did do this year was ask them to text him on his birthday.
thanks - its funny really because at Christmas i thought we had been getting on ok so i was really surprised when he turned up with nothing for the kids to give to me - he also had his Christmas dinner and didn't even bring a bottle of wine or anything - just brought gifts for kids - which also annoyed me because we had already agreed and bought in advance all their gifts - well i had bought them but with joint money. Anyway he always left it to the last minute for buying gifts for me and used to ask me what i wanted - i could never be bothered to have to think of my own gifts. So although I don't want to be mean and I wish my own birthday was first so I could see if he prompted the kids to get me something I can almost put money on it that he won't. You could argue that I should do what is right for me and my sister keeps telling me to treat him the way i want to be treated but i am just not there yet
Mmm... I did two Christmas dinners and he didn't even wash a saucepan.
I just felt it was right for me that my lot were seen to be giving him gifts. Possibly as it made my halo get a tadge straighter. To be fair the children probably asked too, and would get me to spend loads on him.
I resented every penny, but the children thought I was wonderful... 
mmm - food for thought sparkling - pardon the pun!
I just know that ex has no intention of doing this for me so I don't see why I should do it for him - why should I spend my hard earned money on him - having said that i wonder if VEW and her kids will all be buying him gifts
If you are spending your own money and he isn't mature enough to reciprocate the favour for your children's benefits, I would suggest getting the kiddies to make his cards!! Then it's all their own doing and your not having to falk out.. Just a thought
That's a good idea, Lilliful 
bless my mum - she took them to a well known supermarket and got the girls to get a little gift - my youngest said "it's ok Granny, I have my own money"
Awwww.
Hiya, I think that we need to support them in acknowledging birthdays, however I am with lilliful here, the children can make a card and/or present.
I know that mums often treasure these little homemade gifts more than dads, but children do not tend to have money that they can buy gifts with and we certainly don't have spare cash floating around.
So my stance is, it's X's birthday, why don't you make a card.
lrh, I agree with your sister, you do want to teach your children to treat him like you would like to be treated on your birthday, I think you would be happy with something homemade though I am presuming
Good point Anna - perhaps they can make him a mud pie
Hi lrh. I believe that what you are doing is the right thing. If they want to get him a present, they can do some chores to pay for it.
I don't, never have, and don't think ever will, get anything for C's sperm donor. As far as I'm concerned, C has never received anything in 9 years at Christmas, 3 birthday cards, with an amount of £7 something. C has never asked me to send either. I did wonder when he was younger if he asked about Father's Day card or anything, and once I did ask if he wanted too, but his firm answer was no. So.........