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Hi, Lucy here, thought I'd move forum suddenly and see who's paying attention!
OK, re dealing with breast cancer/ treatment and being single (two and a half years) - I almost feel bad for feeling sorry for myself, but I just need to get this out...
...that despite the week of practical support from my ex, and despite the fact that I don't want to be with him, for the last couple of days I've had a major resurgence of feeling really s*** about the fact that he is with someone so much younger (15 years), beautiful - and with lovely, healthy, big bouncing breasts! And particularly someone who he'd really fancied for a few years, which means well before we split up.
Sob. I feel like the pain of the first months of them being together is coming up again (tho' nearly two years after we split), while knowing that his recent support and kindness are only the sort you'd give an old aunt, someone you felt sorry for and knew you should've treated a bit better before now. And, of course, post-operation and I am indeed like an old woman, and quite physically dependent, and then had a really full-on, peri-menopausal period on top, so was even more incapacitated and middle-aged - so again, not favourably comparable to Hippy Barbie (as I have just dubbed her).
And what the hell do I care, anyway? I don't even fancy him! This jealousy stuff is sooooo confusing at times...
I know I should just feel grateful that he's one of the better exes to have, but f***, he's got away with so much, and in the end he can have his cake and eat it.
Sorry - I just had to get this out before I try to sleep. 
Lucy
Thank you Louise!
XO
xxx
Wow, reading that Sexuality & Breast Cancer leaflet has actually made me feel extremely relieved that at least I don't have to face having sex with anyone! Ok, I suppose I might eventually want to - but right now, the idea of having to deal with all that business, some bloke's physical/ fantasy needs, having to reveal myself or cover myself up to feel ok - what a nightmare.
What would majorly do if for me right now is someone who will lovingly, tenderly - and naked for all I care - clean the kitchen and the bathroom!
One thing, though, all this not-lifting-stuff stuff is bringing new and exciting experiences for my soon-to-be-eight-year-old. Yesterday he went across the road on his own to buy a large bag of potatoes so we could have our Friday night chips & eggs, then back again for eggs when I realised the ones in the fridge were a bit past it. He's helped me with the cooking and minor cleaning, and some low-key supermarket shopping this morning - I'm so proud of him!
And hey, loads of kids are doing all that before they're five!
So, wishing everyone A VERY, VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012 - BRING IT ON!
And may we all enjoy and marvel at our beautiful children, and be in a happier and stronger place this time next year. 
Virtual (gentle) hugs all round,
Lucy
XO
Hi Lucy. A very Happy New Year to both you and your son. He's a great lad for helping his Mum. Hope you enjoy your evening. xx
happy New Year Lucy - what a great lad you have - have a great evening x
Happy New Year from me too!
All the best to you.....keep looking after yourself, you are stronger every day
Hello Lucy
You can post on whatever Forum you want, you are very welcome!
I do hope it helped to be able to share how you are feeling. And you are very perceptive as you do admit later in your post that you do not even really fancy him.....let's try to pinpoint the source of your feelings. I would like to take a punt that what is really at the bottom of this is the fact that you have lost part of one of your breasts and, as such, feel mutliated and compare yourself with this Barbie woman, and indeed any other Barbie women around (such as in so -called "glamour" photography) You mention the "feeling old" issue a couple of times and this is also tied in with it as you are facing up to the fact that your body has changed forever.
Now what is infuriating is that some people will say to you "oh but SURELY, you are grateful you had your cancer removed, oh fancy feeling like THAT" (Hmm let them try it for themselves and they would soon see) and whilst I am sure you are glad to be rid of the tumour, there will still be all sorts of feelings around about having had it in the first place!!! Have a look at this publication. Don't be put off by the title, as it contains some useful information about body image and common feelings. Of course knowing your feelings are normal doesn't make them go away but it might help to reassure you in the meantime. What you are going through is a grieving process, for the loss of your breast but also the loss of your perception of yourself....amd yes, an acknowledgment of the ageing process.
You seem to be veering between angry and sad at the moment, and that's Ok, just go with the feelings, let it all out rather than bottle it up. One day at a time through this grisly process and look after yourself in physical terms (food, sleep etc). I often think that as we go through life, one of our hardest (but most frequent) tasks is "acceptance" and you WILL start to feel better as you integrate this traumatic experience into your view of yourself.
We are always here for you