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So, i often complain that i am rushed off my feet and need a break. But, when my son goes to bed, i often feel depressed and almost deflated, as im at home alone and i just dont know what to do with myself.
I wish i could be out socialising a lot of the time, or just have a group of friends over maybe. I see people out and i think 'you lucky people'. But i also love being a mum and wouldnt give it up for the world.
Anybody else felt this kind of feeling when your kids go to bed???:
Hiya, i know completely how you feel and its horrible. I often think i cant wait until the kids are in bed just so i can get some peace and then 10 mins after theyre asleep i want the company again. So your not alone xx
IM glad im not alone, :)
and i guess yeah - its just a case of bveing pro-active, and thinking of something to sdo in the evening. BUt, when youve looked after baby all day/home all day, a lot of the time being pro-active takes a lot of effort.
x
Thats the thing, once theyre in bed you just want to relax and not do amything, but thats what makes you feel lonely at the end of the day. Its a horrible feeling and one that ive easily got used too x
yeh im with you :) atleast we know that others feel the same xx
...and you can come on here and post in the evenings, you could support each other?
Word of Advise: You do need to see that you definitely can't leave your kids, but as a human you need to socialize. Be friends with a neighbour or call someone over with their kids... have fun :)
Take care of your kids while socializing
Hi umerseoig. Why don't you tell us about yourself. How many children do you have? How old are they? Have you been single long?
Thank you Pink Lilly for putting into words just how i feel.. I am a full time working single mum and I rush like crazy at 5.30 pm to get to the childminders to collect him so i am not late, he is often the last one there ( which ramps up the guilt !) and then home at 6.30 pm to homework, dinner , bath, story, all by 8 pm then i sit down and somehow the emptiness engulfs me. I do not have any other adult conversation until back in the office , and quite frankly some things I would not discuss with my staff. I do have a great sitter if i do want to go out, but really if I am going to pay for a night out it better be something i WANT to do as otherwise the cost mounts up. So today I decided to join up here and hope that i can be inspired and inspire others.
Halloooo debbie72! And welcome to One Space!
This feeling of emptiness and loneliness is so common amongst us. I have to say as our children get older, they may stay up a little later and our life and friendship circles grow, so this time does pass.
I am glad you have found us and have tonight as your first evening having a look around and chatting with others.
How old is your son?
Hi Anna,
Many thanks, my son has just turned 7. I will have a look around at some more posts, I have bared my soul on another thread entitled " He wants my son for Christmas " gosh it could be the title of a "made for TV movie !". I guess as a professional woman I miss the interaction of other business women.. childcare just does not allow me to be a regular visitor to these networking events. I aloo miss the adult conversation that socialising brings. I try to remind myself how blessed I am to have a happy, healthy child and we really dont want for anything. My loneliness is born from a lack of mind stimulus that a phone call just cant quite match.
Hi debbie72
It is good to 'see' you here. It's a good board for some company 
Hi debbie72, I started volunteering when my daughter was about 7 and I was surprised to realise how much I missed adult interaction. You are right it is really important.
Are there any classes that you could take locally? Even something where your son could go along as well. There are so many others in the same situation as yourself.
What about swimming?
That's a good idea, I will look into it. I know I must put my negative thoughts away... In the week I am full on with my son and work, then the weekends I take my son to Maths and English tuition (sat and sun) then we do a fun thing together as he works really hard in class.. Did not think I could volunteer with him too! Anyone have any ideas ? Maybe will start a new post.... Thanks.
That sounds so familiar. 4 years on and I realise it's time for me to get out there and start socialising but have no idea how...
Working full time makes it difficult to get out and meet people in a similar situation as I can't find any groups locally (and I dont' mind driving if I need to get somewhere) and I feel like I'm imposing at the weekends as most of my friends are married or in relationships or being single don't understand why I can't go out - do they have any idea how much a babysitter is nowadays!!
There is only so much tv I can watch, books to read or music to listen to once dd has gone to bed and I've tidied up by about 8pm.
I'd really love to meet some friends for both of us as I'm sure that although we love our time together it's not particuarly healthy and really there is only so many games of snap, or arts and craft (not my favourite) that I can cope with.
Hi there kattyd and welcome to One Space, I don't think we have spoken before
Have a look at our article on Making new friends - at the bottom of that page there are a few links to places like Meet-a-Mum and also Meetups.
Have a look and let us know what you think 
Hi Kattyd.... I have just done it.... Joined a meet up group in my area ! they have a meet up tomorrow and if all goes well I shall be out joining in conversations with adults !
For me this is better than sitting with other single parents as I have found the topic always turns to the hideous divorce or every milestone that your kids have made/will make... Don't get me wrong at the school gates that is where I want to have that conversation.
when I have made the effort to get dressed up and apply make up , I want to talk about my success's to without sounding that being a mum is a long suffering medal to be discussed at every opportunity . Be brave.... Now what will I wear..
Good for you, debbie72!
I find it very much depends on the parents in question as to how conversation goes, and whether it all ends up bering a 'compare/contrast/bordering on competitive' exchange.
I hope tomorrow night is everything you want it to be. Don't forget to let us know how you get on
Hi debbie72! So? How did it go? What was the meetup for? Was it a general get together or was it something specific?
I am excited to hear about it
Hi .. well i joined and unfortunatley the event they were going to last friday was booked up so I could not attend... the communication was not that great to be honest and they are quite established as a group and the next few meet up's are at two of their houses.
I would feel better meeting them on "neutral " territory to be honest.. still a bit apprehensive, even more so as I know they meet at each others houses !! nevertheless, the dates up to Xmas that they are meeting I cannot do , one is my own works xmas do and the others would be difficult to get a sitter so close to Xmas.
I have asked if I can meet up with them in the new year... thou I know me... I am not very good at going to places if I get a hint my circumstances would be an issue... "why do you say that ?" I hear you cry... well I looked at the members and the photo galleries and it seems none of them childcare issues i.e can go out freeley and book up for events in advance. My son's father is so unreliable , I would spend my time saying sorry to people if I made early plans for events !
This has made me feel the most apprehensive, but I knew joining was the hardest step... It is only £2 a month and I will have to pull my finger out !!
On another note, since joining this site, I have realised how invaluable it has been to talk to you all.. I have been touched by 2 charities in my darkest hours and feel compelled to give soemthing back, at the end of my road is an elderly residential home. I have contacted them about offering my services. I work full time but the time when I do not have my son I am available for an hour or so at the weekends for a chat and a cuppa.. I know that the price of a conversation is invaluable to a lonely soul.
Its not a total remedy for bored and lonley when my son goes to bed as the title of the post dictates, but now I have you all for that... and who knows I could help them in different ways in the evening ( reserching on the net, helping with admin etc )....
Will see... feel brighter and takes my mind off my upcoming solicitor battle ! Thanks Anna.
Hello debbie72, volunteering is such a great way to build up confidence as well as help others in need so do it for YOU too!
Aha, I can feel a nag coming on in the new year, to encourage you to give Meet Ups another go. My own experience was that I had to go to lots of different things before I found what suited me. Many of the people you meet at these events WILL have children, and let's face it they are unlikely to put on their profiles "Can't get out much cos I have a **** of an ex who keeps changing childcare arrangements" but get to know people and all will be revealed.
Glad you feel at home here, we talk about all sorts as you can tell and we are all at different stages so it's a fair bet that someone else has faced your situation before and can give you some wise words.
What is your works do like? Is it a meal and disco thing?
Hi Louise, your post has made me chuckle and made me smile and just what I needed today. I know you are right I should not wear the "I am a single mum and cannot go anywhere because of my twit ex " badge. I am sure you will be there in the new year checking up on me... hilarious !
My works do is a 1920's flapper themed style event at a country house i am going "old Hollywood " so long dress( been hidden in wardrobe for years), fur stoal (faux fur from a friend),pretend oscar statuette with my name engraved on it (ebay) and long black gloves(ebay) !!! Christmas meal and Disco. Will be staying overnight as my son is with his dad that weekend ( complete fluke) so i can deal with my hangover in peace and quiet the next day. What about you ???
hello this is my first post i have followed Debbie, my story is similar but different i now live alone with my 21year old son who suffered sexual abuse at the age of 14 it has left him with PTSD my husband decided to leave us in January 2012 and we moved to a new area to try to leave many things in our past. Memories of fights, drugs, alcohol infused situations tainted any happiness we ever had there.
Even though my son is not dependant on me for the same reasons i feel unable to make plans because of his unpredicatable behaviour, i had so much on my mind since January that it is only now that i realise i am lonely.
I go to meet up during the day and have met some wonderful and supportive people but i would like a reason to stay up out of bed passed 8.30pm when i just want to hide away in zzzzzzzzzzland for a while and not think about my problems.
Good luck Debbie i hope you have a fantastic adult filled time
Hello callie and welcome, you have had a lot to deal with and are still living with the consequences. Has your son had some help to deal with what happened? It takes about a year or more with a counsellor to move forward from this happening, see this article about survivors. And how about you? it sounds as though there was some abuse going on in your relationship with your son's dad too....have a look at The Freedom programme and tell us what you think.
Hi Debbie72
Glad I made you giggle, it is one of my missions in life The do sounds very unusual and you will look fab in the outfit. I am self employed, I work on here and as a counsellor and also on some other projects....there is a party at the counselling place, we get to meet people we have never seen before who work on different days to us, it is a bit of a strain to be honest as I usually end up sitting with an elderly receptionist. One year I was sitting with the local vicar (a trustee) and my sister sent me a text message with Santa making a rather lavatorial deposit down the chimney. Oh dear.
You CAN make a new social life for yourself, it just takes time and a lot of patience
Hello Callie,
Thank you so much for you message of luck for my Xmas party.. am sure I will need it ! also Thank you for taking the time to share your story. I know how hard it is to get started but its a bit like pringles "once you pop you can't stop " excuse the pun !! I know just how much better it feels to write down how you feel rather than just saying the words. Do you realise what an amzing Mum you are because even at 21 years old you still make him your number 1 where so may would think he is old enough to just get on with it. It sounds like you have more to share... please do and let some of these amazing women here help you. I am no expert, but one thing I have learned from being on this site is that I am not alone. If i had the freedom in the evenings... then I guess I would have no excuse to go to the evening "meet ups", and for £2.00 you can dip in and out of them... guess you need to find the right one with something you are interested in ? Having some patience will be my new years resolution me thinks !!
This comment has been moved here.
MODERATOR: Callie I moved your post to start your own topic in Parenting Support, click the blue link above to see it
hi,i have the same thing when the kids go to bed.As soon as their bedrooms doors shut i breathe sign of relief that i get a few hrs to myself but what to do when they are in bed is something competly diffrent.i normally sleep over my sisters house a night in a week just to keep my mind off of lonliness and its the company i need.you have to find things to keep your mind busy.youll get here and get over the bordem.x
Hi pink lilly,
I think I often used to feel an element of frustration when my friends were meeting up socially on a night, or there was a party happening which I couldn't get childcare for. Though like you, I never thought that I'd rather be out than be a mum - being a parent is just too important to me.
Do you have anyone - friend or family - that you trust to babysit occasionally? As A has got older (she's 9 in December) not only have I worried less about going for the odd night out, I have made the social occasions I do get to 'count for more'.
What do you do once your son's in bed? Do you read, watch TV or a film or are you a crafty sort? I think there are ways of making the time after children have gone to bed your own, it just depends on what you enjoy.
Mary x