CAFCASS - Initial Report Filed...

Hi All,

I'm a newbie & found this site since finding myself frustrated with ‘the system’ & unsure as to where to turn. I have tried to keep this brief, though not been very successful!

 

A bit of background…

My wife left me with our son (now 4yrs) 5 months ago after a blinding row which, unfortunately, our son witnessed (I didn’t see him come in from the garden). During the row my wife accused me of having an affair as this would explain my mood-swings. I was incensed not only by the accusation (there were no irregular late nights, odd nights away from home etc) but also the suggestion that it would explain ‘my’ mood swings.

We didn’t talk to each other for 3 days until I came home to a ‘Dear John letter’. She had taken a few things & our son to a womens refuge(!) and told me not to contact her. I have never abused her in anyway other than name calling (which we both did). To cut a long story short, she stayed at the refuge for 8 weeks until, finally, I was served with a summons where an Occupancy Order & a Non-molestation order was being heard in 3 days time. What!!?? Needless to say she got what she wanted and I moved out.

 

Fast forward 5 months….

Having been messed about WRT access (contact plan frequently changing, contact being denied 20 minutes prior to contact, cancellations etc) I started court proceedings to get a contact plan agreed. I had my telephone interview with Cafcass (which at the time I thought went well – how wrong was I) and a few days ago I received a copy of the report.

OMG. The most damning piece of fiction arrived. My wife (soon to be ‘ex’) had told Caffcass that she was the victim of Domestic Violence (DV), I had threatened her with a knife and that she felt for her & our sons safety. I was gob-smacked. (I’ll add at this point that my wife has been both a user & professional in the Care / Welfare / Safe-guarding environment). She had basically used her knowledge of the system, the language & certain keywords to get what she wants, i.e. reduced contact with our son, supervision during pick-ups & drop-offs, supervision for any overnight stays (all of which would be very difficult as I don’ t have any family or friends in the area who could act as a 3rd party).

Having calmed down I researched ‘Domestic violence’ and I had a massive revelation.

The term ‘Domestic Violence’ is one, that in my naivety, I thought related to physical abuse in a relationship. However, looking through the Cafcass website I suddenly realised that I have been subjected to many of the forms of domestic violence and bullying by my wife for upwards of 6, possibly 7 years, even to the point that I was black-mailed / forced into marriage. This obviously saddens me and makes me wonder why / how I didn’t know that both I and my son have been suffering so long. This made me realise that the negativity within the relationship wasn’t all down to me, nor was I to blame for the many arguments we have had as suggested by my wife.

Over the years I have been subjected to; verbal, financial, emotional and psychological abuse as well as bullying which has made me feel; in-adequate, useless, unworthy and generally lacking in self-confidence and self-esteem. My wife is very controlling and readily blames me for the negative aspects within our relationship. I have much anecdotal evidence to support this abuse as it has being witnessed by mutual friends and relatives from both sides.

I wrote to Cafcass (basically the above couple of paragraphs) and how my wife was now controlling the situation and that she is actually the abuser and I am the victim! Also, how she is now trying to cover her tracks by alleging I threatened her with a knife – completely untrue, and how I was the one not following the contact plan! (Why would I take her to court to define a contact plan if I was the one not following it??!!)

I also included a number of other discrepancies and omissions in the report. I was (and still am) dumb-founded by the reply from Cafcass. They basically said that they would not re-visit the report & I would have to raise these issues in-court. OMG! So, I’m labelled as the perpetrator of DV and that I’ve used knives to threaten my wife!! So, my wife is still abusing & bullying me AND using the system to protect herself!! I, of course, challenged this response and received the same reply. I contacted my solicitor, who said confirmed that we’d have to raise this at the court hearing.

Not only am I shocked that I’ve been the victim of DV for years but now the very system that is supposed to protect me (and others) is being used to protect the abuser!

I really don’t know what to do, or what body / organisation to talk to. I fear that my controlling, bullying wife is going to be successful in legally denying me access to my son.

Any help , advice is greatly appreciated!!

Tony