This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
OMG I am so happy 
CAFCASS officer has just been and after all my anxiety and panic I finally feel vindicated!
He had already been to see the ex and when he came he said he already had a feeling how it was going to go. As I was trying to go over my story and explain how I dont think my ex has Angel's best interests at heart he told me outright that he knew my ex had no interest in angel and that he was only doing this as a way to try and gain further control over me. He is that concerned about my ex's behaviour he is referring me to Marrac. I havent got a clue what was said during his visit with the ex but the officer says he thinks my ex is going to escalate if court doesnt go his way (something I already knew). The best thing was the officer said he felt my ex has some kind of personality disorder or psychosis and this is something I have been saying for years. CAFCASS feel the only option is no contact. I am so relieved.
hi im meant b goin court next wed cafcass avnt even contacted me yet, dont no why,
Thanks Anna, I know its not over yet but just for him to make the observations he did without me saying anything was so justifying. I have always felt its just me against the ex as professionals have always been taken in by him but this officer saw right through everything and that feels good. I suspect my ex will take this as far as he can and we will need a trial etc if the cafcass officer does request no contact and if he goes back on his word and request there should be contact I will just have to keep fighting but I had always expected a cafcass officer to suggest contact anyway.
The cafcass officer said he isnt going to speak with angel because he doesnt need to as even if she stated she wanted to have contact he will be advising against it. I also told him angel is nervous to say anything that her dad might hear about so its best he doesnt speak with her. He has had a report from school and she is doing very well and no issues.
Keira, I didnt hear from cafcass before my first hearing at court. This visit was requested in may by the court.
just ad letter from cafcass saying they would contact me by fone 2 weeks bfore hearing, but they avntx
No they never did for me hun. Wouldnt worry too much no decisions are made without their report so I the judge will order one and you will probably have a ten minute chat with cafcass at the court.
Why don't you give them a ring kiera and remind them of the letter. The number should be on the top of the letter.
Hi guys not been on for a while but heres an update on my nightmare.
I received CAFCASS report today which has made a very clear recommendation for NO Contact which is of course good news. There seems to be a lot of concern with professionals about just how my ex is going to respond to this. I had a social worker come round to discuss how best to keep littleangel and myself safe and I am also getting a DV worker from IDVA. It all does seem a little bizarre to me as I left him in 2006 and have always managed the risk by myself (hence the anxiety I constantly have) so it feels strange to have others to lean on.
Accordning to the CAFCASS report my ex was still assaulting his sons mum up until 2 years ago when he was subsequently imprisoned for actual bodily harm against her (his son is 14 and his mum left my ex 12 years ago!) So I guess thats why there is concern for me (my ex has never managed to find my address so I guess thats why I havent had any trouble). During his visit with CAFCASS he continually went on about my supposed infidelities and then told the CAFCASS officer he will get back with me eventually (creepy). When he was asked about his extensive criminal record he grabbed the officer and tried to push him out the door and then full on squared up to him (total weirdo) so not suprisingly CAFCASS dont want him to have any contact!
So court is on Monday cant wait for it to be over and I am well prepared for the fall out after the verdict
Hello little angel,
It feels to me as if this report finally vindicates (officially) all the concerns you have been expressing!!! That's good, and also an official acknowledgement that some support might be needed. I agree that it is weird to have this all of a sudden...we often get "used" to our own situation and to have someone else come along and sort of categorise it is unnerving. However, take all the help you can get!!
It will be a massive relief to get the court date out of the way, keep in touch with us so we can support you
Will be thinking of you on Monday littleangel. So good to hear that 'professionals' recognise the extent of this mans abusive behaviour.
Who is going to court with you?
Hi Anna, It was supposed to have today the court case and my boyf was coming but it was changed to Monday and my boyf cant get day off.He says he will just walk out and come to court (he works down the road from it) but I dont want him to do that and am more than willing to go alone. It may sound crazy but I just feel after all these years I want to go on my own and face him and show him 'I am Done with you'. All the advice I am getting says I must go with someone but who can I bring?! I mean there is 99% chance he is gonna kick off and I cant put anyone else through that. I saw his full criminal record and it is shocking he has assaulted police officers and everything he has no regard for the law or anyone but himself so I cant put anyone else at risk. So my plan is to go alone but boyf is not happy.
What about your Mum, little angel, how would you feel about having here there?
Hi Louise, I think my mum would cause more trouble than she would solve lol She hates him and just the sight of him sets her off. I really am happier to go alone and my boyf is going to meet me outside the court when it is finished so should be ok.
Great, I am glad he will meet you afterwards. Can I suggest that as your ex does not know where you live, that you perhaps go somewhere else, not home, immediately after court?
What about a police escort littleangel? I think that it does sound highly likely that your ex is not going to be happy with the result of the case and it is essential that you are protected?
Will be thinking of you, please let us know how it all goes. Best Wishes
Thanks for your concern guys. I was supposed to be having someone from IDVA come and discuss how best to get me out of court safely but I havent heard anything from them. I wont go straight home i dont think but the good thing is we have a car and my ex doesnt so it will be hard for him to follow me. I am sure all will be fine and I have been told if he gets aggressive security will holdhim back at court whilst I makemy escape.
hi hun ope everythin goes ok, when is court date,, my hearin is november,i dont want my ex see my little girl, at allx
Thanks Keira, my court date (final one) is on monday. Hope everything goews ok for you not suprised you dont want your ex to see your daughter. Stay strong and am sure it will all be fine x
Good luck for Monday littleangel. X
thanks hun, igot to sit in a private room so i didnt av to see my court, but then ad to go in court and see him i didnt luk at him once, really do hate himx
my ex as got violent criminal past, io didnt no half of it til cafcass man told me in court and tht he ad secret life, was awful, i new summat wernt rite as i never believed wot he said to me,my ex as no regard for law or any1,x
We will all be thinking of you on Monday, little angel, stay strong
Thanks Louise and ChaCha. Sod's Law I wake up this morning with a dull ear ache and puss coming from my ear so think am about to get and ear infection 
thats on top of the water infectionI already have. Nothing ever plain sailing, but I have docs appt on tuesday sojust got to suffer through on Monday.
Keira, You did well not tolook at your ex in the court room. I chose not to wait in aprivate room becausemy ex somehowmanaged to arriveand report to the desk at the very same second I did and I thought as I he is stood next to me I wont ask. In the court I didnt look at him either but he certainly tried to do things to unnerve me and because I had no solicitor sat between me and him we were practically sat side by side! But I think once you accept what type of person they are nothing they do can alarm you because you already expect it. Good luck x
Hello little angel, do think about seeing an out of hours doctor about your ear, and explain you are in court on Monday, hopefully they can give you something to kick in before then
I might just dothat tomorrow if it still playing up. We have walk in centre open 10-12 tomorrow. So typical lol
Yes, and Nurse Louise (not!!!!) wonders if stress has played a part...
More than likely louise definately the water infection and you will never gues where I just been... A&E lol chopping onions and managed to nearly slice my thumb off - god you couldnt make it up! Lets get Monday out of the way before I end up in a hospital bed 
hi ex tried lukin at me and sitin bk in his chair but i never luked at him, i was shakin tho,after wot iheard in court tho i wanted to kill himx
Well the good thing is you stayed calm and ignored him well done x
Yes, there seems to be a lot going on right now, little angel!
I hope your thumb isn't too sore littleangel. Poor you.
Thumb is fine two little stitches but ill survive. Off to emergency doc to check my ear and then will be all good for tomorrow. What a weekend!
I know, let's hope your ear will be soothed by the treatment.
wow little angel just read your posts and im so glad things have gone well for you your ex does really sound stupid and that has definatly gone in your favour , my ex unfortunatly is game player and i would be suprised if he had a blow out in front of any of these proffesional all though i kind of wish he would so it would show his true colours, my ex was pestering me everyday and i was backing off more and more and he blew again and is wanting to go to court again , he,s saying its because i wont let him and his mum come and take the baby out but i know its because i havnt givin him the attention he wanted
the drama begins :( x
Wow! littleangel! A CAFCASS officer who knows their stuff! That sounds like a fantastic visit!
It is sooo good to hear a professional say all the things you have been thinking for years when it comes to our ex partners behaviour as a father. Even though you know you were right, as you say you now feel vindicated.
I would be careful at this point though, don't say too much to littleangel, as CAFCASS officers have been known to say one thing to a parent (what they want to hear) and then something different in a Court, especially if he is to go and talk to your ex again and tell him what his verdict might be if your ex doesn't change his ways.
I am not saying this to scare, panic or worry you, just want to give you a heads up, so that you are prepared for any outcome.
I am so glad that the visit went well. Are they still going to interview littleangel separately from you?