This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
hello again, I emailed the advice team today.
To say that I am frustrated is an understatement.
your kids are still quite young sounds like your ex is trying to score points and it sounds pretty raw spilt. I from my wife 6 years ago she thought the grass was greener and pull some horrible stunts to get my kids on side with her .It dose'nt take long before kids know the score .Just be honest with your kids they will love you for what you are . my ex's partner smacked my eldest daugther for something it was'nt as bad as my daugther made out cause i talked to him .He felt horrible i dont know if you could speak to him about it and people can not take money if you dont have it dont normaly give advice hope iv'e helped good luck and chin up
This is a link here to e.mail for money advice. Perhaps they can help with regard to the debt that you're in. Not sure if you meant that you've e.mailed them earlier or not.
Hi robinkent
I'm sorry, but I really don't know what to suggest when you're not moving forward with the authorities.
With me, my ex would tell my children not to tell me things - and not a lot I could do about that - and seven years later, and with very little contact (his choice), they will 'just' disappear into their rooms after they've seen him and his wife. I never ask or question them, as it makes things very hard on them.
They were 5, 8, 10 and 12 when we split up.
If the children are well and happy, and you're able to fill the time they're with you with fun and laughter, that will help them deal with things.
Do keep a record of things that they may say, but again, if you feel they are well, try and distract them into getting on with things in your home.
My lot would tell me things that went on at their Father's house, but I did thell them that there were going to be different rules in Dad's home compared to 'my' home, and in time they did come to realise this. In a way its trying to decide with things are worth pursuing too.
However, major issues did arise, and as the school were aware of what was going on, they absolutely saved the day with extra lessons, and it meant that I wasn't seen by the children as being in conflict with their Dad.
As hazeleyes has said, do ask for notes from the counselling sessions, and also to let GP and schools know that you need to be kept informed of things going on in their lives.
I'm sure Anna and Louise will have brilliant suggestiong on how to deal with this. The best thing you can do is be their rock.
I have emailed the law advice link, as for the debt, i have not signed anything, as i said she was claiming without my knowledge, not sure if I even want to help pay it.
Hi again robinkent
Ok I understand your concerns, and I can see that you have taken lots of positive steps to rectify things. Professionals such as the GP and the counsellor are not under any obligation to inform you of contact etc, as long as they have informed their mum (as the person with day to day care) then they have done their bit. You can contact the professionals but I imagine the counsellor will seek your daughter's mum's permission to give you any information......this is enormously frustrating for you.
The school is a different matter, you need to keep in regular contact and please do not hesitate to express your concerns as they can keep an eye on things. You can also supply the school with a pile of SAEs and ask them to send you a copy of all parent letters, most schools are happy to do this.
The others have given you links to our "ask the experts", they can give you some info but they are funded to advise the parent with majority care so the amount of time they can give you is limited.....I know that once again this must feel very "excluding" to you. My suggestion is to see what comes back from these mails but to seek further advice in person at your Citizen's Advice Bureau re the money, and also to look at fathers' support such as this website.
The happiness of your children is your primary concern and although I would not normally recommend court action it might come to that, and at least you should be able to get legal aid while you are not working...so after the mail then seek legal advice in person, see here. In the meantime, it sounds as if the first step is to invite ther children's mum to mediation...you need to show that you have done your best to sort things out (again if you are not working then you should get free mediation)
The others are right about you being your children's rock, don't let them see you are finding this upsetting, just continue being the best parent you can while you are doing all this background work.
hi louise,
I have an appointment with a solicitor today, I will keep you posted as to what happens, I have found three emails on my computer all with different dates where I am asking for her to consider mediation. all were ignored. I really don't want to sit here and slag her off, beleive me I could spend all day doing it. she is a good mum, I am just peeved at the way she has gone about this whole new relationship and the obvious affect it is having on the children.
yes that's it, keep the focus on the children, and keep a record of those emails so you can demonstrate that you were and are, willing to deal with things in a civilised manner. Good luck with the appointement 
Hi robinkent, it sounds as though you are trying to do the best for your children and also keep respect for their mother.
You might be interested in the information given on The Children's Legal Centre website, they have helpline numbers that might be useful.
My daughters father turned up on her 5th birthday party, shouting at her accusing her of being a liar, after she had told me he had made her use a sharp knife and she really didn't want to. It was so distressing for her and as the other parent it is quite a shocker for us too.
As someone has already mentioned, as long as you keep consistent for her and her brother, she will grow up and make her own decisions about right and wrong, including lying.
You could raise a light hearted discussion about lies. White lies and why we sometimes tell them and blatantly dangerous or harmful lies. Of course not pointing a finger at her mother, but just a general conversation, perhaps about a book or cartoon, or make up a story. It is important for us to impart our culture and beliefs on our children, so that they can get a varied perspective.
How did the appointment go with the solicitor?
Hi robinkent. I've just welcomed you on the other thread, but again a big welcome to you. I was wondering if you would help for you to e.mail the legal advice team here It's free and could take 5 days for a reply, (also bearing in mind, we are near to the weekend).
I'm sure you're extremely worried about your six year old. You've sought help from various people, ie, Social Services, school, councillor etc, so I'm sure you're also frustrated with not appearing to get anywhere. I understand your concerns completely about your ex and her partner. Is the councillor able to send you notes regarding your daughter's sessions, as you have now voiced your concerns to them?
Please do keep posting, as at some point tonight or tomorrow, others will be along who can hopefully point you in the right direction as to what other options you have.