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I am not sure which forum I should post this is.
I have been seperated for 1.5 yrs now. I have 2 children - aged 9 and 7. My ex works shifts and his rota doesn't get put out until Friday for the week startin on a Sunday. He decides when he is seeing the kids - based around the rota.
However, I have seen it get to Wednesday and the kids and I are none the wiser as to when they will be seeing him let alone staying. This is now starting to have an effect on the younger ones behaviour as they are lashing out at others and wetting the bed.
Is there anything I can do to ensure that he tells us sooner about the overnights?
Hi Louise,
All sounds lovely - in theory. I don't wish to sound negative but I've had this converstaion with him more than once and each time he says 'I'll let you know as soon as I know'. This lasts for about 3 weeks and then reverts back to him just letting us know when he feels like it. I do the sticker on the calendar thing - but that only woks if we know when they are staying. :-(
As we have only been seperated for 1.5 years and I would like to keep the cost of divorce to a minimum, I don't think I can face waiting anouther 6 months before finialising everything. Do you think i'd be able to start divorce precedings now without excess cost?
Although, I have a good job I have been left to pay ALL the debt and therefore have very very little money left each month. I chose to end the marraige and therefore my ex feels that he isn't responsible. He is in a low paid job - working part time, but I feel that doesn't take away his responsibility.
Thanks for you informtaion. If I have come across angry towards you I apologise, its not you I am angry with.
Hello Daisy Chain
You are not coming across as angry at me at all 
but you are angry at your situation, which is understandable. This is a great place to get it off your chest.
I gather that your original plan was to divorce by agreement after two years separation? You could contact a local solicitor and ask for a quote of costs based on you divorcing him (for unreasonable behaviour?)
As for him not taking any notice of your request, well I am not surprised. Obviously, when making suggestions I have to start with the first steps as I don't known what has happened so far. So.....next step...when you are asking the solicitor for a quote you also ask them to write a letter stating that parenting time arrangements must be made by X (whatever deadline you choose...Saturday night??) or it is too short notice for you and the children and he will need to wait till the following week. What do you think?
That sound like a plan, Im just so scunnered with the whole thing.
Yes, the original plan was to divorce him after 2 years seperation due to the kids as someone had told me that would make it easier all round, esp cheaper. But i read somewhere that it could be 1.5 years if you both agree - which we both do. Well, im pretty sure he wouldn't context it, the only reason he would is if it benefited him financially - i.e. I couldn't force him to contribute to the debt.
Im taking it one step at a time and trying to get the kids sorted first. Its an absolute farce. As i type its 7.15 on a Sunday evening and my kids still have no idea if they will see their dad this week. He does it to control the situation as he feels that will upset my life. What he fails to realise is that the children are part of my life and therefore are involved in what I do. Having them around me will not stop me seeing my friends and having a laugh. Muppet!
Hi DaisyChain, I like your name
You might want to email our Legal Expert to find out whether it is 1.5 years or 2 years after separation for a divorce. Also to find out more about the debt side of things. Click here and give them all the details and they will email you back with some answers.
I think it is a good idea to perhaps get a solicitor to write the letter regarding times for him to let the children know when he is next free, I am not sure of the cost of this, but what do you think?
Thanks for the advice. I have contacted the legal section and it seems I can start precedings at 1.5 year - yeah! lol
I'll contact a solicitor to get things started and see what they suggest with regards to the letter for contact - might be better just getting the whole thing sorted together.
Thanks again to all of you for your support and advice.
Let us know how you get on, Daisy Chain
Hi Daisy Chain
If your children's dad had a set working pattern then of course you could agree with him what days, but I can totally understand where you are coming from. He needs to understand how much it unsetlles the children. I would therefore suggest, as the rota comes out on a Friday, that you book a phone call or email with him EVERY Friday. You could speak to him or better still, write a letter eg
"Dear X I wanted to talk to you about the pattern of contact you have with the children. I know that your rota does not come out until Fridays so that is when you can make your arrangements for the week. I would like to ask you to phone me on Friday teatime each week to arrange this. The children become insecure, unsettled and distressed if they do not know when they will be seeing you. Of course, we could formalise this through solicitors but that would mean set days each week, which means you would probably see them less because of work. Yours sincerely..."
At home, the children are old enough to understand that Daddy does not always know when he is working. One thing you can do it get a wallchart with days on it and a supply of little stickers and let the children cross off the days each evening and put a sticker on the day which is the next time they will see their dad. Lots of reassurance about how much you love them and their dad loves them will help too