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Hi, dunno if this is the right forum but my question does relate to money matters.....
My wife and i seperated in May 2011 after i found about her adultery. She left the family home in W'shire and moved in pretty much straight away with Mr X in B!!!!!. She left me with 2 children, one 11, one 14, disabled and severly autistic.
I have been unable to get a dime out of her, indeed i've been footing the bill to let her see the kids, 160 mile round trip, plus giving her money to do stuff with the kids when they are there. She is unemployed and claims JSA, her house is rented privately and i think she gets HB, CTB, even though her partner works full time and is very well paid judging by the holidays, new car etc etc......
After pressing the issue with her she told me that her solicitor told her "not to worry, if he makes a claim with csa, you'll only lose £1.25 per child per week". Please tell me that this is not true?!!! She also has me over a barrel because if she is forced to go out to work, she is likely to get a job that means she will work weekends and school holidays. She has made it perfectly clear that if she does get a job, she will not use her work holidays to have the children. This means that i will lose the valuable respite time that i currently get when the kids are with her - if i lose that, i am not likely to be able to cope, particularly through the school holidays.
I'd be grateful if somebody can give me some ideas.........
Hello Liquid-Xi
You are very welcome here and I am only sorry that I have no magic wand to make things better for you.
It is perfectly true that if she is not working then she will only have to pay £5 per week child support. This is a difficulty faced by many lone parents, both mums and dads, as is the situation where nothing at all is paid!
Can I just ask you, are you receiving everything you are entitled to yourself for your family such as DLA etc? if you want to check this out then email our Money Expert in confidence
If she starts work then you can receive a percentage of her income (20% for two children). The income of her partner does not count at all when the calculation is made, whether she is working or not.
Unfortunately you cannot force her to have parenting time with the children either. I totally agree that you need a break, parenting alone is very hard work and harder still with a special needs youngster. Time to mobilise what OTHER support may be possible. Do you have contact with any local support groups, or with Social Services (in respect of a "child in need") It may be that you can obtain monthly respite care where your youngster goes away elsewhere for the weekend. How about having a chat with your GP as well. There may also be voluntray style groups (such as Barnardos) which may not give you overnight breaks but would invite your child to activities for a couple of hours, giving some time off for you.
Hi Louise
Thank you for your advice. I've just recieved a reply from the CSA expert here too and she said the same thing. It's a joke and i've decided not to bother while she is claiming benefits. It's a derisory amount and i'd rather not give her the satisfaction of her saying she's contributing - particularly when i'm footing the bill to take the kids to her!
My daughter spends a weekend a month at a respite home, she loves it there. My son has scouts and stuff, as well as Young Carers so he gets time away himself. School has also been very supportive of him.
Hello Liquid-Xi
Yes i to have care of my three children and only get the £5 a week for 3 children and its very frustrating.
While she sits there and lives off her new husbands income but theres nothing you can do.
Unlike you i refused to travel the children the 150 miles away where she lives now she has to collect them its suposed to be every other weekend and half holiday but at the moment shes asking for money to take them out when she has them which is not happening so she is refusing to have them in the holidays!
End of the day its her that is missing out on her children growing up i no its hard work taking all the responsabillity while the absent seams not to care and is able to have a new life(jolley) but your doing a great job every credit to you and remember your children need one stable parent.
One of my children goes to a child minder as i work full time my other two are old enough to look after themselves after school given them some responsabillity and they have not let me down
Your doing the hardest job in the world keep it up 
Stuart
Hey Stuart
Thanks for your reply.
It seems we're in almost an identical rowing boat, i was paying to take the kids there, paying for her to take them out (which it turns out "out is a trip to the local subway or a trip to the seaside, which turned out to be where her new bloke lived!!)
I've decided not to take the case to CSA, the amount is derisory and insulting while she drives round in a flash motor and is out partying non-stop. Furthermore, i won't give her the satisfaction of her saying that she's contributing.
She has no intention of getting a job but if she's forced to she's already said she won't be able to see the kids, which means they suffer and i'll probably end up in an institution.
At some point she'll either have to come off JSA or get a job. I suspect the lazy cow will prefer to sponge off her new bloke, the way she did me for 16 years. If that's the casei'm assuming there's nothing at all i can do?
She was due to see the kids this weekend but my son told me this morning that she told him they'll have to stay at her mothers house because she is having a party on saturday and don't want them in the way.........!!!
Hello Liquid
I have been doing the resident part for the past four years after my breakup from my ex(she left meet a bloke off internet chat room) it was a bit of both she did not want to take them and i did not want them to go so went through court to keep them.
Yes the CSA is a joke and its feels so wrong when its just one parent providing for your children, and there nothing you can do to get them to provide for them.
I take it your recieve the child benefit and any other benefits you are entitled to ?
Believe me mate i have had every excuse under the sun why she is not able to see her children can just drop them at the drop of a hat and she has the cheek to have another child well the mind boggles lol.
As anoying as it is you gotta rise about all the flash stuff and show you know your your childrens lifeline you will set there morles and standers and make them who they are gonna grow up into.
My ex tried to get us to get a loan out for her to then use it as a deposit for her and her new blokes house have had every bit of bull thrown at me and its still happening!
But you move on my kids are fine well behaved and i am due to get married next year.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, one saying that springs to mind is you can not reason with a unreasonable person you just got to change your tactics on how you deal with them.
sorry forgot to tick the "notify box"