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So, iv'e been dating this man for a while. He was very keen to begin with, texting etc, getting to know me.
We've been out for the day once (which we both enjoyed) and we've enjoyed 2 evenings together, watching dvd's.
But, the problem is. Now, he talks to me once every few days, when he does talk to me its very little. On the flip side of that, is that when we're together we're good.
I feel barely acknowledged by him. How is dating meant to work? For me, i'd like a little something each/every other day maybe, which is not what i am getting.
Ive' confronted him, as to why he doesnt seem to be interested, and he says he is very interested and he wants to get to know me, and eventually have a relationship.
Why does his words and actions not match for? How long do i give him that chance to prove that he does genuinely want to know?
i know this may sounds pathetic in the light of other serious things going on, but having relationships with men is so new to me again, i just dont know what to do.
?!?
Hi Pink lilly
I don't neccessarily think there is anything suspicious in him being like this. My own prefence in relationships is that I like a bloke to be more full on and it sounds as if you do, too, so I really do empathise. My own feeling, however, would be "give it a bit of time" A relationship is a big commitment and you have only had three dates as such. If he really likes you then things will step up as time goes on. Maybe you can set a limit in your mind, eg if you have known each other 3 months and things haven't ramped up then you need to either have another conversation about it or decide to start looking around to meet someone new. What do you think?
I think some people are just not very full on.
When im in a relationship im not overly keen on affection, tje whole kissing, cuddling on the sofa or walking hand in hand. I think its just tje way some people are, maybe due to having barriers up for a while for maybe reasons of being hurt in the past etc
HI all,
yeh i agree with Tinkerball that some people are just different to others and there needs to be a matter of acceptance with that.
We may be different perhaps, but we get on, so i think i'll go with what you said Louise.
I know it's hard to say, but how long should i give it, to see if things ramp up a bit? I get very anxious sometimes and impatient.
We're meeting on wednesday and im looking forward to it, but my 'wall' is up a bit too. Im trying, to lower it down to have some fun and enjoy myself, although i find this hard too.
Cheers :)
Hi pinklilly, i suppose that's another trickey question on how long do you wait to see if things step up, as you have said you can be impatient i imagine that would not be to long for you, where someone else might wait a few months.
You could try taking it date by date so to speak rather than giving yourself a specififc amount of time if that is something that your going to struggle with, we will be here to help you along with it.
Was there a reason he had not called so much?
ok, we shall see. I'm going to give it this week i think to assess if its what i want. He's too distant with me and i cant stick it.
The one big thing is, he lives a few streets behind me, its not hard to knock my door is it? Or make arrangements to pop over and have a chat.
Makes me so mad!!
He hasnt given me a reason, although at the end of this week, i may ask him why he's changed. I refuse to be strung along with anyone !!
Oh i see, it sounds like now that he knows that you are interested he does not have to try so hard to woo you, he could have a good reason for not calling so much, but do understand what your saying about him living rather close that he could have popped in to tell you what that is.
Do you call him?
If you feel he was keen to begin with and has slowed down, those are usually the ones that play the control game.
Observe what is happening and get out when you recognise it is wrong
oh yes - lets just say it is over. I confronted him about a few things and he didnt like it, got quite angry and turned it around on me.
IM glad ive got rid.
lad i was seeing was like that he called my eldest dawter disrespectful names so told hi m to getlost but he said i was over reacting and said i had no sense of humour, my ex was always liek tht, so im stayin single
So glad you recognised it ! xx
Well done on being assertive pinklilly, sounds like your gut instinct was right on the button.
Sorry to hear things did not work out, pink lilly but you have had to strength and courage to see that it wasn't working for you, and to get out early on. Onwards and upwards!
thank you :)
give him time, some men are scared of rushing things ( hopefully hes a goodun ) sometimes we want thing to move quicker than they do, take your time enjoy your time with him and it will slowly happen if its meant to x
I'm afraid I disagree trudyl, if someone wants you to be special in their lives, then you will feel special.
pink lilly wasn't happy with the situation, asked him about it and instead of being explanatory, considerate of her feelings or just blatantly honest, he got angry with her....not a good sign. I think she made the right move.
I agree with Anna : )
I'm glad pink lilly
hi well ifelt tht bout my ex he said he wanted relationship and b family yet didnt see him tht much which was very strange, he said i was over reactin, turned out he ad double life,anyway fast forward y ear half saw lad for 5 weeks and he seemed so nice but then said summat bout my eldest dawter i didnt lie and told him get lost, i no wot u mean tho when its gud its gud, i musnt b ready for relationship afetr a abusive one