can't cope anymore

I've got to the end of my coping strategy - can anyone help????

I'm the Mother and single carer for 2 daughters ages 3 and 7.  I live in India although am British, the father lives in the UK and left India 12 months ago, although we seperated 2 years ago.  It wasn't any different for me to leave him as I looked after the children 90% of the time.

I do have friends here but don't feel fully supported, however, my children are little angels when out and when having sleep-overs or play-dates but when alone with me turn into bickering, fighting demons.  The eldest gives me the most trouble, she lies, tells tales, like tonight, cut her own hair and then told me it was her sister (I actually ignored it), trys to get my attention any which way she can, competes with her sister, does nothing I ask her, won't tidy up her mess, hang-up the wet towel, brush her teeth, have a shower, the list is endless.  With this the younger one is now picking up all the bad habits and now I've got double trouble.  I actually had the eldest assesed (prior the marriage split) by the local physcologist she says that she doesn't have behavioural issues it was in-fact her parents relationship - it was this diagnosis that confirmed my suspicions and gave e the confidence to leave him.  I worked for over a year with her and the eldest trying to improve her behaviour and in fact when I praise her such as 'I like the way your sitting eating your dinner' she immediately, starts mis-behaving.  It is torture being a Mother from the moment they wake til the moment they sleep, the week-ends are the most difficult as they're both at home unless I entertain them outside the house.

I've tried all different strategies, I am so exhausted by the end of the day, anything for an easy life. I've now told the eldest that she can live with her father but that will be hopeless as he has NO boundaries and does little to develop her to an adult eg he would pick up the towel, not brush her teeth - I have to mention her teeth are in terrible condition, I have spent a small fortune on them in the past year and she has around 5 fillings, others have fallen out that shouldn't until she's 10, she chews gum and eats sweets even though I request she doesn't the fillings have fallen out and its a 3 hour round trip to get them put back in.  Her father has terrible teeth and his motto at the end of the day is 'she'll get another set'!  

Back to the real matter - she doesn't want to live in the UK with him unless we all go.  I don't want to go as my husband spent 100,000 pounds on my credit cards, I have bailiffs chasing me constantly, I've lost my business due to this expenditure, I'm trying to re-train so I can start a new business and return (perhaps) in the next 2 years.   I've actually got a debt of around 200,000, this has all happened in the past 2 years, so poor girls have had a rather rough time of me not being totally 'present', however, the damage is done and I now need to look to repairing it but the shouting continues, I am miserable and most probably they are too.  I so wanted my children to have a better up-bringing than I did, I feel totally guilty and wonder if I should return to the UK and face the consequences so I can get some support from family - I say this loosely.  The father comes to India for 10 days every 6 months - not much of a break! When he's gone I have worse behaviour for all the sweets and fast food rubbish he's given them.

I've read 'Liberated Parents, Liberated Children', '6-9 year Behaviour' and just started 'Siblings without Rivalry'.

Its awful to say but I'm starting to hate my children - the eldest is just like her father and the youngest is copying, its me that needs the time-out zone but they follow me where ever I go - anyone got some good advice?