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My son used to be great, listened to everything i said, was inquisitive and asked questions (his right) but still listened to me when i explained a b and c.
I juat do not know what has happened, he goes off in his own little world now and when i ask him to do simple thing e.g. clean teeth, take plate to sink when finished, finish playing as we have to leave for something, etc. ... he sometimes says 'NO', just flat out no and he would NEVER do this before.
Any advice please?
The only correlation i have, is that his behaviour began to get more out of the ordinary when he began having more contact away from me with his father.
I need advice urgently, as i just do not know what to do. I feel shocked by it all, and due to me being shocked i cannot think straight as to what to do.
help me please :)
only 4 x
Hi pink lilly
The good news is firstly that almost all children do this and also once he gets to five or so and full-time school is truly established, he will develop a very self-righteous sense of fairness.
Secondly, yes it is very easy to blame the increased influence of dad and indeed this MAY be to blame. However, dwelling on this and indeed expressing this to him, is unhelpful and I know you know this and want to find ways NOT to do this so that's all to the good, too.
So what can you do right now? I reckon there are now some choices to be made. You could choose to be "authoritarian parent" and insist on obedience...but there are less harsh ways. I have two suggestions at this stage and only you know your boy well enough to think of which one may be the most effective.
The first suggestion is to transfer his behaviour to a favourite toy. The way this works is that AWAY from this behaviour, you pretend that one of his teddies is very naughty. Play act with the teddy...say to it "come on teddy, time to put your toys away" and make teddy say "NO!" in a silly voice. Pretend to be shocked at this and say good heavens Teddy, that's no way to behave. I wonder if there is anyone here who can show you how to put the toys away? Look around the room is a vague way and repeat yourself if neccessary. Ten to one your boy will "show" Teddy what to do. Praise him massively. Do this for a few situations and pile on the praise, also praise your boy for everything he does right, however small, from day to day, smother him with attention, love and kisses. Tiring but effective.
The second way is a star chart. Talk to your boy and say quietly I am sad that you are not doing the things that I ask you and we are going to have a game. Pick TWO things he is repeatedly not doing (saying generally do as you are told is too much for him) and make a chart saying every day we will see if you have done these two things and at bathtime you can get two stars if you have done these things. Stay calm. If during the day he does not do the things, don't get cross, just say oh dear oh dear it looks like you might not win your stars. Maybe even put teddy on the chart too and Teddy can occasionally win a star (but mainly be naughty and not do as well as your boy)
How do you feel about these ideas?
Awesome Louise
x
now iv'e woken up in a more ratuional state of mind, i feel the teddy example is great and i think to praise the good, and ignore bad (where i can) is the best option. We shall see, i hope it passes - does this pass? Or, does it develop into other types of 'pushy' behaviour as he will grow older? This is normal from what youre saying.
thanks
thank you aswell :)
Hi pink lilly this phase will pass but i have to warn you another will follow, for me this particular phase hit again when they reached the "Teens" but i would not worry about that right now.
As for pushy type behaviour i think that can somewhat depend on a range off things such as what boundaries they have, their natural characteristics aswell as what is being modelled to them by others.
Let us know how you get on with the teddy technique.
How old is he hun?
x