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Hello everyone
I am new to One Space. Only discovered it today whilst doing some research on the internet.
I need your help!!!! I am currently going through a divorce and would like to know how to go about claiming child support when my Ex is currently living overseas?
Any advice would be useful.
Thanks
Louise
Thank you so much for pointing me in the right direction.
Hiya GTUSN, have you contacted our Child Support Expert?
She has over 30 years experience of claiming child support from absent parents in the UK and abroad. If you haven't contacted her, please do and give her as much info as you can and she will be able to tell you exactly where to go from here.
How long have you been separated GTUSN?
Hi Anna
Thanks for the info I will contact the Child Support Expert.
In answer to your question I have been separated for 1year and four months.
Hiya, I hope that you get some good results from the CSA expert, however I think it is really hard to claim once they have left the country.
How are you enjoying single parenthood? You have been through all the firsts - first Christmas, first school play, first mothers day on your own etc, how do you feel?
How many children do you have, do they see or have any contact with their father? How are they coping?
Hi Anna
Thanks for the info. I do have a solicitor but I wanted to arm myself with knowledge.
I have a boy of 15yrs and 2 girls 11yrs and 13 yrs. I am coping ok with being a single parent.
My first Christmas was GREAT!!!
My first school play was GREAT!!!
My first and second Mother's Day was FANTASTIC!!!!!!!
I know I have made the right decision and I beleive that we will all be better for it. I have great family and friends. I also have my good days and bad but I forge ahead. Always I try to stay positive (and anyone who has gone through a divorce knows that is not easy to do).
After seeing my solicitor on Friday (I just received his form E), I decided that I needed to say the Serenity Prayer everyday to get me through the divorce process
.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next. Amen
My children are reasonably happy. We have had a number of family meetings to faciltate a question and answer session. I tried to answer their questions as honestly as possible. I also needed them to know that my ex and I will not be getting back to together. Not EVER!!! I guess I needed to manage their expectations.
I guess for my children, not much has changed (except for the fact we are now operating on a much tighter budget and we need to plan to spend), I have always been the main support, champion and diciplinarian. Also the children can see that things are much calmer now that we are separated.
They miss their father, no doubt about that. As he now lives overseas they communicate via email, telephone and skype. He has told them that he does not wish to speak to me and that is ok. It is probably for the best.
I am definately trying to live each day as it comes.
Hi GTUSN, woohoo! It sounds as though are in a positive place! It is not always easy, but it seems as though on bad days, you can take a step back and recognise it for what it is.
Having friends and family around you can definitely help you through difficult times.
It sounds as though and the children are close and you are all getting by. Thank goodness for skype, although a shame that your ex felt that he actually needed to say that he does not wish to speak to you.
When are you seeing your solicitor next? Does your ex know that you are looking into getting some child suport from him?
Hi Anna
My ex has begun to pave the way to claim poverty. With that in mind I am sure that he is aware that part of the financial settlement will involve child support.
Sometimes I wonder if he ever takes a step back and look at what he is doing. Children grow up and they have a long memory. I need this transition to be a smoothe as possible for the children. So I guess it is up to me to be the adult and stick to the facts and try (and I mean try) not to get upset by his wild accusations.
Thank God for Mothers, because mine has been a tower of strength, a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen when I need to vent.
PS.
Just to let you know, the Child Support Expert got in contact with me.
Hi GTUSN
You should give yourself a huge pat on the back, because it sounds as though you are rising above all the petty squabbles and insults that you could throw at him.
Obviously your mother as a fantastic role model has paved the way for you to be the same to your children.
Glad to hear you have had a response form the CSA expert, I hope it was useful and positive :)
Have you got anything special planned this week?
Anna
My work contract has finished so I am taking some time to get my house in order. It is a tip. At the same time I am looking for jobs (eventhough I am not sure I want to work for someone else). I would really like to start my own business (what type not sure) so I am looking @ a few ideas.
One thing I would love your advice on, is that I found out few months ago that my son is smoking. It took me 2 days to speak to him otherwise I would have lost it. I did ask him if he had done anything that would make me disappointed and I gave him those 2 days to think about. It turns out that he started smoking a few months before his Dad moved out. I am TRYING not to loose my cool and make ultimatum (very difficult) because I really need him to trust that I have his best interest at heart and I need some positive action from him.
However I am concerned and would like to know how best to help him to quit without doing the 'crazy parent act'. I really need for him to listen and for me to be heard.
PS
Is this the best place for this or should move this to the parenting teenagers forum?
Hi GTSN, how lovely to have a bit of time to sort your house out, before getting busy with work again!
Will have a think about some ideas for businesses. I have always liked the idea of going into wealthy people's houses and making them declutter and paying me for the experience!! How about that!?
Your son and smoking, we can talk about it here, then you can stay in one thread! Unfortunately there are no hard and fast rules on how to stop our teens from smoking.
He was obviously having a difficult time before his dad moved out and maybe that was why he started smoking then. The fact that he has told you is brilliant and it may be a cry for help. Not 'I want to give up smoking' but more of 'I was in pain and didn't understand how to deal with it so I have done something rebellious'.
If you don't already, try and spend some quality time every day with him, just to hear about his day and what is going on in his world. We have been talking about Active Listening on another thread and it really works with teens. Make eye contact when he is talking. Dont tell him off, just acknowledge what he says.
Have you or your ex ever smoked? If not, why not? Perhaps you could have a conversation about your experiences of smoking, drugs and alcohol. Sharing our thoughts on how we dealt with peer pressure keeps communication open and also reminds our children that we were young once and faced the same decisions.
Do you give him an allowance? If you think that he is spending it on tobacco, perhaps you could let him know that you will be cutting it down if you think he is using it to buy cigarettes and you can remind your son that it is illegal for anyone to sell him cigarettes as he is only 15.
As our children get older there is no point coming down on them like a tonne of bricks, we can only support them to make the right decisions.
So you can gen up on smoking and teenagers you might be interested in reading Under 18's guide to Quitting, however talk to him and see what he thinks about it first. Remind him gently that it makes his clothes smell, makes a hole in his budget and makes your breath smell awful!!
There are a few things to think about here for when you talk with him about it next. What do you think his response will be?
Hello GTSUN
Good to see you, you are very welcome to One Space.
When a parent is abroad, getting child support is very difficult unless that parent works for a Uk company or is in the forces, and there are some arrangements for EU countries and Australia. Have a look at this page