This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
hi can anyone advise or had same prob . iv been trying to claim csa since 2011 fot one then two of my kids who came to live with me . i have never recieved a penny infact had to pay my ex for the two i had . iv just found out i had a claim that was not actiond on and it cannot be backdated . i still have to pay for one child that my ex has . what do i do . iv complained officially and the waiting is as madning as the years iv had to pay as my ex stuck up two fingers its been hard as a single father on ben yes it was only a fiver but my ex wife works and so did her partner who also has never paid for his two children either
i have one living with me my youngest son the ealdest having left home . my ex wife has our daughter but as i have no contact and she is 16 im not even sure if she still lives at home herf facebook pictures never show her room and the last dated we can find was aug 2012 . my ex has managed in the past to fiddle the dhss claiming living on own when she was cohabiting with him earning but they got caught . she refuses to answer solicitors letters not only from mine but her own so both have given up writing to her so i have withdrawn all access rights and moved 60 miles away to my partners house . iv just started working and im adimant i will not pay another penny until this is sorted iv payed since day one for all three i was left with 82 pound a week and had to pay full rent ect of of that . then i got one son still got 82 per week csa taking all the time i never got a penny and it took twelve weeks to get child and tax credit then i got made redundant so i was a fiver . then i got my other son so that was two in my house hold one in hers still no payments just demands for payment to her . so in total i have payed arrears and normal payments from july 2011 . got one son nov 2011 no payments to me then another son in july 2012 no payments to me only payments to her . i got diff reasons for this including it was to do with my 22 year old son and 21 year old daughter case wasnt closed and oh john was dealing with your case he will fone you next week but never did . its so complicated im so low iv heard of dead beat dads but this takes my whole being and drains me iv paid and paid iv starved so my kids that i had could eat or get clothes and she has stuck two fingers up to me yet again
A totally frustrating and unfair situation, nightwolf. Did you email our CSA expert?
yes and recieved an answer today thank you it was full of intresting info . things now make a bit off sense
That's good 
Is there anything that you can do to move this forward nightwolf?
all i can do is keep on at them .but for the moment i have to wait for the person from complaints to contact me to say that my ex has made contact or that they have tracked down her employer and that they are making progress that way . then he will talk to me about the other issue of why the case was not actioned in when i told them that my eldest came to live with me in 2011 and hopefully then he will talk to me on the level of conpensation ......... but im just waiting for them to send a demand for me to pay for my daughter as he eluded to that in the phone conversation and i told him i was not paying another penny until A) my ex proves my daughter is still at school ..B) that my daughter still stays in the household which i believe she does not but goes back on occasion but lives with friends
Hi nightwolf thank you for the feedback. So for now you are playing the waiting game. I am glad that you have contacted them.
Do keep a record of all the phone calls you have made and who has said what, this may become useful if needed in the future.
i am lol and must thank you and the team because iv always felt alone but now i have people listning to me and a small crack of light at the door 
Hey nightwolf, that is great to hear Raising children on your own can be a very lonely experience. Someone said on here a few years ago, that it felt like we were parenting alone together and I really liked that idea!
So tell us more about yourself. What are your hobbies? How old is your son living with you? What do you get up to together?
im 46 years none the wiser was a chef for 20 years now a butchers boy lol father of five grandfather of 3 . my son is 14 years old we both share the same birthday . was married 17 years then woke up to find the dream gone and i had been replaced for a few years but didnt know it and they say lightning never strikes in the same place lol my first wife did the same thing . so if you see me selling white heather dont buy lol .my ex and her partner decided they only wanted my daughter so one by one they made the two boys life very hard and forced them out so i had to pick up the peices it was really hard there life without me was hard my ex drinks and the boys only meal was school dinners i was not allowed access to the kids at that time a ploy to say to csa i had no overnight and i had to pay through the nose .
both my boys are goths so iv had to learn how to dye hair ect and im a dab hand at making skinny jeans . and eye liner how the hell do you put that on any tips please ..iv never regreted the stances iv taken or the fact raising my boys alone its taken not only me but my son two years to trust a woman in our lifes although both of us still duck for cover when we see the tell tale sighns of an argument but my partner is understanding and tries notto make sudden movements or raise her voice as she can see it freeks us both out . so thayts a bit of my story
Hi nightwolf, great to hear about how you have been with your boys and big props to you that you learned about the Goth makeup and outfits (I had to pretend to be interested in the WWE wrestlers with mine!) I agree it is hard to learn to trust again, nice you that you have found a new partner that has helped you change your mind 
You have lived through some really rough times, especially with your ex drinking and I am sure that the boys have been so glad to have you for a dad
Hi nightwolf, I love hearing more about people that come online and join our community so thank you for sharing.
Tips for eyeliner?! I always used to draw it on the bottom lid of my eye, euggh, I have now realised you can draw a line along the eyelash, rather than 'in' the eye!
I am sorry to read about the experiences and feelings that you and your son share. Have you ever sought support with regards to your reaction to violence or aggression?
My niece was a goth for a few years... I've been lucky in that my daughter is a bit of a tomboy!
iv had two boys into goth im an old rocker myself it keeps me young lol and on my toes
louise tna is better than wwe lol sunday on challange 9pm then repeated tues
Oh nightwolf, please! another wrestling programme, eek, I am glad that they are getting a bit older now.
Sorry to hear there is still some anxiety around after everything that has happened, do you find there is anything that helps?
work lol is my hobbie and social life my real job is my son . i go fishing and drive to the hills for peace .
no not yet still sifting my way through things as and when i can lol . trying to juggle work and home its just passed midnight another shift over but up at 6am for school run aaaahhhh the life lol i will rest in 100 years i think
Bring on the bank holiday weekend eh?! Have a good one
i will lol you to and i wil think of you all as i work away into the small hours making pies and sausages x
YUM I love sausages!
I am working over the weekend too, nightwolf, on here and other online work that I do. Hope you have some days off to come
I have to say I really enjoy a drive around to relax. Music blaring, of course, and me singing along 
Yes, I love singing too. I thought I was safe as the windows were shut then my friend phoned me and said what were you DOING in the car, I was coming the other way...and I realised I had been warbling in an opera voice and doing all the"faces"
Hope you do manage to get some rest over the weeknd, nightwolf.
hi hope everyone had a great easter . need to pick brains . went bk to where i come from . found out where my ex works so no brainer when the call comes through but i also found out my daughter only visits my ex she stays with someone else but my ex still claims child tax child ben and csa for her i think this is dead wrong .would i be wrong to report this as fraud
Hi nightwolf, we had a great Easter thank you! The weather has been lovely, except it could have been warmer!
So your suspicions have been confirmed, your daughter is not living with her mother. I completely understand the need/want to report your ex as I have been in a similar situation, but only you can decide on this.
You have stopped all CSA contributions have you told the CSA as such? Have they chased you up for them?
i have stopped told them until my situation is resolved and until they prove my daughter is at home i will not pay another penny .many will say im wrong to do this but its a stance im taking iv paid and paid she ( my ex has gained) my boys have suffered as a result of this
i still havnt heard back from the guy handling the case so as its still a bank holiday for the csa iv sent email to them .
Hi again nightwolf. I am wondering if you would consider giving some money directly to your daughter until she is 18? She is entitled to it until she leaves full time education.
You could use this in a number of ways perhaps to Re instate contact and to encourage her to stay in college.
she wants nothing to do with the family . she drinks smokes goes clubbing and started when she was 15 . her mum encouraged her buying her drink and took her clubbing . so i will put in an old account i have and keep the door open as they say its all i can do . i live in hope that the four will be five one day again
Aww its so difficult isn't it. I think that is a great idea, to put the money into an account.
Being a teenager isn't easy at the best of times, but obviously your daughter is going through an awful lot. Would it be possible to write to her and let her know that you love her and miss her and look forward to her getting in touch when she wants to?
tried that all i got was give me money . i said if we talk i would consider it . then a flurry of language not repeatale came my way a whole torrent infact where i was reduced to nothing but what you wipe of your shoes and it went from dad to my christian name
Oh dear, she really doesn't sound very happy at all, when was the last time you and she had a good relationship? If you had a family gathering with her brothers and sister would she come?
not a chance of a gathering . she has deleted all of her brothers and sister . we were really close until my wife and i split . she knew what was going on as my ex told the kids guess the song was right ..... i was the last to know ...as i moved my stuff out new dad moved his in it was nasty and yes there was a fight . it split two familys who were very close . my daughter took my wifes side coz she let her do what she wanted . my sons stood up for me and all i can say is they sufferd for it . i can take anything anyone wants to dish out but they hurt my boys and new dad even raised his hands to my sons and my ex did nothing . my youngest still has trust issuses with adults . iv accepted that my daughter is gone but the door will never close either will my heart . i was theone who deliverd her at home she was my wee monkey and yes as i type this tears roll down my face i miss her smile and laugh . you can beat me i will never feel a thing but memories break my heart
How terribly sad, nightwolf but I can tell you one thing for sure: your daughter is not happy that things are like this. Even though you have sent messages in the past, personally I would keep on sending them, so that she always knows she is loved and you are there. Young people are very quick to blame others and say "but you never bothered to get in touch" even when you have done and you have had a dreadful response. Perhaps the messages you send could just be on the lines of I love you and miss you, end of?
iv tried on facebook then one day i wasnt blocked so couldnt send she changed her security so now i cant
I guess that you can't write to her either, as your ex may not forward her mail? Is there anyone that you know that is in contact with her that you get on with?
nope sorry she has even cut out her grandparents . on an upbeat note just had csa on the fone it seems my ex has not botherd to contact them so they have traced three employers paying her though hmrc . and are now making assesment with view to arresting her wages at source then they will take about why not set up in 2011 but acording to him i will have to wait until a specified time of payments made by her before i could make a claim against csa for all the missed payments . this i dont understand as iv waited all that time for even a penny then i have to wait again for them to pay me what i was due
Hi nightwolf, that is good to hear that the CSA have gotten back to you, that seemed pretty quick!
I am not sure what they are saying either, it might be worth raising it with Jean again, if you need more clarity, but I am guessing that they just need to have all her information documented before they start taking money from her wages?
It is a shame that your daughter has cut out her grandparents too, however as you know no-one stops loving her. I hope that you continue to endeavour to make contact with her and ensure she knows how important she is to you on a regular basis.
Hi nightwolf and welcome to One Space,
I think your question needs to go to Jean our CSA guru/expert, click on the link and send her a message and she will respond within 7 days and hopefully point you in the right direction for what your next steps could/should be.
So you have one of your children living with you now? How old are they? Boy or girl?
NOTE FROM MODERATOR: Duplicate post in General Interest forum deleted.