juju

hi every one

im new to this site , me and my partner split at christmas , he had been having contact with our daughter 3yrs every other week for 3 nights, about 3 weeks ago he moved house yet again and didnt see my daughter for a few weeks, he asked to start having her again to wich i had no problem, he then told me he had started seeing someone else and she was moving in with him, i asked how long they had been together and he replied 2 1/2 weeks,

i told him i wasnt happy for my daughter to stay with a woman he had only known for such a short time so after a few days he said he had spoken to this woman and she was going to stay at her own daughters when my daughter went to stay,my daughter went to stay and when she returned she was tellin me all about how this woman stopped in daddys bed and how she had had a bath with another baby!!

i challenged him on this and he lied sayin it was a one off , the next time he had her i arrived after a few hours and this woman awnsered the door she told me she dosnt go anywhere when my daughter comes to stay so i went to take my daughters hand n he push me across the room and hit me.

he has since had no contact with his daughter even when i have plainly said he can see heer anytime he wants as long as that woman is not involved, he can have her on his own or even stop at his mums , he now says he is going to see a solictor.

where excatlly do i stand on this ???

if his new relationship looks like its going to work i have no problem with my daughter being introduced slowley but i dont think its fair of him to move a stranger into his house and expect my daughter to put up with it

any help and advice would be most appreciated

thanks ju

 

Posted on: March 9, 2011 - 1:51pm
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Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hello juju

Welcome to One Space.

First of all your daughter's dad has no right to hit you under any circumstances whatsoever and this is even worse if done in front of her.  i do hope that this is not something that happens regularly?

You could decide to take control of the contact situation and send a letter to him (maybe via a solicitor?) stating that

a. you were very upset that he hit you when you went round to check on your daughter. You ask for an undertaking that no more violence will take place.

b. You do not want to stop him having a relationship with his daughter but you believe that any new partner should be introduced in a more gradual way and that his parenting time is about quality time with his daughter, the two of them, until she gets used to things

c. that you are happy to go to Mediation to sort this out.

The last point is very relevant because if he decides to take legal action to get defined access one of the questions that will be asked is if you have been to mediation and hey presto! you have the written proof that you suggested this yourself.

If you want to use a solicitor to send such a letter, find a local one here.

Good luck and let us know how you get on

Posted on: March 9, 2011 - 2:49pm
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scallyally

I have to agree that introducing a child slowly to a new partner is the way forward. My son is now 19 but my ex has had numerous partners and if he had introduced my son to each and every one of them well he wouldnt know if he was coming or going!

Youre ex will think he is doing no wrong, its fine for him, he knows this new person, you dont and your child certainly doesnt either. If she is going to be around for the long term then your ex hopefully wont mind taking things slowly with their introduction. Youre not saying to him you dont want your child to meet his new partner, merely taking things slowly, bit by bit. Hope things go well for you x

Posted on: March 14, 2011 - 5:45pm
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