Oh my goodness, so new to all of this. Ok, I divorced my husband 4 years ago for domestic violence in which he received a caution as he admitted it and it was all quite messy as they mostly they are. I had 3 children with him who where also suffering emotionally from it all so finally I left him and started a new life. The children saw him for about a year on and off. On occasions I would stop them going because of his drinking ie been in the pub before he collected them and was drink driving, or still under the influence when I dropped them off (he was caught drink driving). I luckily met someone else who treats the 3 children as his own & we are now currently sorting out for him to have PR and residence order. The 'father' I use that loosely hasn't had contact for 2 years bar the exception this summer turning up at my parents with a sob story of how wronged he's been. Anyhow I get maintence as the CSA chased him at the begining and because of his refusal to then pay they now take it out of his wages. Anyhow to cut a long story short we are due in court on January for the PR, Residence Order and change surname (long shot that one we know). After tracking him down to his now residence after getting the 'marital' home repossesed we started proceedings which has opened a can of worms. We received a letter via his solicitor that he wants to see his children, how he would see them in a contact centre as its been a long time etc. when he did have them he couldn't be bothered, his 'entertainment' consisted of taking them to the pub (oh yes it had a 'park'!) or his parents where he still continued to drink and they experienced 1st hand verbal abuse from him. As you can imagine my 2 eldest want nothing to do with him (10 & 14 respectively) but my daughter is 4 and she has no recollection of him and sees her step father as 'daddy' as do my other 2 who also refer to him as this.
I'm sick with worry about where this will all end up, the children are so happy and in a stabile environment - we got married, had a child together and tbh people don't believe us if they find out the 3 children aren't his.
Does anyone have experience with the courts, the dreaded CAFCASS, and similar circumstances to the above?
thankyou for taking the time to read and any tips & advice will be much appreciated.
When are you due in Court Ases01?
Hello Ases101
Welcome to One Space. Well done for getting out of an abusive relationship and for building a new life, and I am so glad that you have found a new partner and that the children have a really positive make influence in their lives.
If their biological father takes a court action to have time with the children then it is likely to succeed, and using a contact centre is a great idea although this is only a short term measure. CAFCASS will ask the children what they want and the older ones' views will be taken into consideration, the 14 year old should be able to have a say so and the 10 year old is borderline (there isn't a set age apart from in Scotland where the age of 12 is thought to be the age they can decide....so my experience is that 12 is a rough guide for other parts of the UK)
I am guessing you have had some legal advice about your current court action so you could run this new situation by them too?