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Coping

nutty66

Hi,

I've just realised that I am struggling raising my child on my own. I earn a reasonable wage if I work full-time which I currently do but am finding it tough as there is just so little time and I find myself being very irritable and too tired to keep on top of the homework, reading along with housework, relentless admin associated with tax credits, bills, CSA,job...Familiar? I do need the odd weekend away and increasingly this is difficult as my ex-husband does not bother with our child. Consequently I only have my ageing parents to rely on which I try not to do. Not sure why I'm writing this but I don't anticipate meeting any man who would want to share a life with someone else's child, however much we have to offer. Friends are kind but I hate asking for help when I have little time to reciprocate. Holidays are always a dilemma and hosting birthday parties...Anyone got any solutions?

Posted on: January 28, 2011 - 12:33am
hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi nutty66. It is hard isn't it? I'm not working, have one child of 8, so hopefully will soon have employment, but I also find it a struggle. All I can say is, your friends would understand, and I'm sure would jump at the chance to help you. I'm always being told that I don't ask for help, yet other Mums will ask me to have their child, take them to school, pick them up etc. Could you perhaps set aside one Saturday afternoon a fortnight, where it is either you and your child, or even have a friend over? Perhaps once a month, maybe ask your parents to have your child for a couple of hours. That way, it isn't too long for them, but a couple of hours to yourself, and also something for you to look forward too. I don't honestly have any other ideas, but I'm sure others will gladly give you some.

Posted on: January 28, 2011 - 6:49am

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hello nutty66

Good to see you here.

Hazeleyes has made some really good suggestions. It might be about teaming up with another parent. As for the time away, you could approach them: if they are a couple they might like a child free weekend and agree to have your child another weekend in return. One thing I did was to encourage my children to join things that might mean weekend acitivites as well, such as Cubs heh heh

Also is there any way you can reduce your hours at work? As a lone parent you would get Working Families Tax Credit as long as you work 16 hours a week.

Another thing to look at is what you do in the house. It's very easy to get bogged down in wanting things to be perfect. Could you keep ironing to a minimum? Could you have your shopping delivered once a fortnight and just get some fresh stuff in the interim weeks? Do you have a friend who would love an extra tenner a week and in return would hoover through your house once a week, clean the bathroom and kitchen or tidy the garden? However young your child is, you can allocate them some age-appropriate chores, with a star chart if neccessary

As for paperwork, I try to have a fortnightly blitz on this and keep it all together in a pile/folder and do it in one go, maybe when there is an old movie on the TV or it's awful weather.

There is no easy answer, just a few suggestions from me of things that have helped. Other people will have more to add, I am sure

Posted on: January 28, 2011 - 8:25am

stuart
DoppleMe

Hello Nutty66

I to am a full timeworking parent and have little time to go out and enjoy myself, yes its is the hardest job in the world juggling it all work home kids.

I know what your saying about men not wanting you cause you have children but thats not the case with all men, when i was 18 i lived with a woman who had a child and the woman i spend time with now has a young child, i have not meet him yet but its all about how much you think if that person.

It difficult i had a ex partner who was a nightmare tried to break me left me to pick up the pieces and destroyed my trust in people its dam hard to get that back.

You have to love yourself and never say never there are good guys out there.

Stuart xxx

 

Posted on: January 28, 2011 - 9:45am

hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Just reminded me of something. My nephew, in his 20's at the time, met someone with a child of two. The child didn't see the Father, so over time, my nephew became a father figure. He and the girlfriend split when the boy was 6, he wanted to carry on with the contact as he'd built up such a strong relationship with the young lad, but the woman was awful, and refused. My nephew used to still send for birthdays, christmas, and stuff in between. It almost destroyed him, not having contact. After a year, she relented. The boy is about 10 now, and they do have a father/son relationship, even though the boy now has some sort of contact with his 'real' Dad (when it suits).  I'm saying all of this, as it does show, there are men out there that don't mind starting a relationship with children involved.

Posted on: January 28, 2011 - 10:12am

Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Yes, I do have to add that I know a lot of "blended" families where step-parenting has been very successful and loving Laughing

Posted on: January 28, 2011 - 12:37pm

sparklinglime
DoppleMe

Hi nutty66

Hope we can offer you some support here - it is such a great board.

 

Posted on: January 28, 2011 - 1:18pm

speedbird

Having lot of problems with my son at the moment. Have posted under teenager section. The respect seems to have gone, if he had any in the first place. I have had some health problems which have contributed to me probably not being as firm as I should, but I really am trying. Trying to get a life for myself, saw someone about a college course, applying for jobs. There is no help out there for people in my situation.

I am far from a nasty person, my son has to realise that I am doing my best and that it is not ok to talk to me like he does.

See what happens. Bye for now.

S x

Posted on: January 31, 2011 - 10:37am

hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi Speedbird. At the end of the day, all we can do is try our best. I'm sure you'll get it sorted with your son. Best of luck. Take care.

x

Posted on: January 31, 2011 - 12:53pm