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Deep breaths...deep breaths...
OMG, ok court date is ten days away. I have no solicitor, I still havent received all the forms I am meant to, ex caught me off gaurd by phoning me from a withheld number - then recorded the conversation!!!!! I literally have NO clue what I am doing.
The stress has caused me to dump my boyf of 5 years (for no reason), faint twice and now am on sleeping pills and will be going back to docs for valium because keep having panic attacks. I am sure my ex is trying to kill me slowly.
Just had to get that out!
Thanks Hazeleyes.
Im trying to stay calm. I dont know what forms myself all I received was a letter from CAFCASS and a letter from the court stating I must attend on 25th April at 2pm. I havenet received anything else except a letter from ex's solicitor yesterday marked as urgent stating i need to complete a response to the court order within 14 days (but I have never received the court order, or at least I dont think I have) I am not sure what I am responding to as I dont even know what he is asking for (well i do as he has told me on the phone but I havent had anything formal that I can respond to) I am just confused.com. I have rang CAFCASS (total waste of time) a million times and I have tried to be put through to someone in court that can help but no joy.
My first visit Monday a.m. is to citizens advice. But I think i should have received more than I have because how can I only be sent a letter with a time and date on it and nothing else?! Surely i should have something which states what he is asking for and something that gives me the oppurtunity to respond?!
If I ever get to speak to someone in the know I am gonna try and see if I can get the court date postponed because I am so unprepared because I havent received the things I need etc but i dont know how that will go.
Hi little angel
How stressful!!!
Ok there are two aspects to this. The first is the practical: yes, go and see CAB but you may not be able to get a quick appointment. I am guessing you are worried about affording a solicitor but you do need some legal support here. Our own Legal Expert can be contacted for specific matters but you can also find a local solicitor by looking here. Then you can find out whether a postponment is possible.
The other aspect is the effect on you personally. You have already had a big physical effect with faints and panic attacks, do see your GP if you want some medical support with this but the deep breathing is REALLY helpful plus things like meditation, lying down listening to music, visualising yourself in a "cosseted" environment such as wrapped in a soft quilt, or floating in a little boat on calm blue water.
You say you have finished with your boyfriend. Where are you at with that at the moment?
Hi Louise,
Thanks for the reply x I emailed the legal expert weeks ago and never received a reply 
.
I have had a half hour free consultation on the phone with a solicitor but because I didnt have the actual court order at the time the help they could give me was limited. Everything just seems to be going against me. I definately cant afford a solicitor but I have contacted Mckenzie friends to see how/if they can help.
My GP is brilliant She has been supporting me for 5 years. She had suspected I was being abused when I was with him due to me being very underwieght and having high blood pressure etc but she never got chance to help me because he came in to all my appointments. But now she is fab. The anxiety is so hard for me to control though, I have had so many different meds but the anxiety still creeps through.
I did snap at my boyfriend and tell him to get out of my life. I havent spoke to him since. He, unforuntately has been through this with me before so I dont think it is the end. He always gets the wrath of how I am feeling, but it is better for us to be apart at the moment because I just dont have the head space to manage the relationship.
I've not been through the court system. I think its sad that solicitors seem to make consulting them impossible now due to their charges...
Thinking of you.
Thanks Sparkling, I know its so unfair. Of course the ex doesnt work (well legitimately anyway) so he can have all the legal help he needs. Ive never been through court before myself so it makes the whole thing all the more stressful. I have been told its quite relaxed etc but not sure how relaxing I will find being sat accross from the man who used to beat me senseless whilst he grins and smirks at my incompetence of trying to represent myself. In a way it is a relief to finally be going because he has held this over my head for six years so I can finally get it over and done with.
Yes I can imagine that, little angel.
I am very concerned to disccover you still have had no response from the legal expert, I have notified the One Space manager.
I don't think court will be relaxed for you but it will be less formal than you may expect,
Hope your boyfriend is his usual patient self!!
Cheers Louise,
My boyf has just been round. He has pursuaded me to get a solicitor he is gonna contribute most of the cost. He is really sweet bless him. He knows how messed up I am over the court thing so he not holding my outburst against me.
Aw what a big relief that must be to you 
I am so glad
Aww, that is kind of him.
Hi littleangel, nice to see you, I was wondering where you have been.
I am so glad to hear that you are going to get a solicitor, have you made an appointment yet?
Hi anna, i got an appointment for 5pm tomorrow, so feeling much more relaxed - thank god!
well it was D- day today!
typically me and my ex arrived at court at exactly the same time and had to report to the desk together. (I suspect he probably orchastrated that).
I was then faced with having to sit directly opposite him outside the court room. I was the only person in there who was not with a solicitor aswell (the meeting I had with solicitor didnt go too well, she advised it would cost between 5K and 10K to be represented).
He kept making phonecalls and speaking at the top of his voice so that i would hear what he was saying, which was basically him papping on about how devestated he was it has all come to this etc.
After I had a consultation with his solicitor and gave her my objections to contact, i.e DV, threats, racist abuse of my parner, harrassing my daughter about what I am up to etc. she took him in to a room and relayed what I had said. When he came back out he was seething. He was deliberately spoke to her at the top of his voice making comments such as "she is just playing games" "she just wants me out the picture so her and her partner can have a happy cosy life." He then began pacing up and down and deilberately walking in front of me. I took my sister with me for support (not sure why she is very timid) and when I went to the toilet he leaned on the wall right next to her and made a phonecall stating "you will never guess what she has gone and done... She is just asking for it" This of course made my sister feel intimidated and I spent more time comforting her than the other way round.
In the court room his solicitor stated that my ex denies ALL allegations I have made against him. I made a suggestion that my ex could have weekly telephone contact with his daughter as she has a mobile. On this he picked up his glass of water and slammed it down on the desk. After some mutterings with his solicitor the telephone contact was agreed and report by CAFCASS has been requested. We will reappear in court in August.
When I handed his solicitor my daughters mobile number she gave it to him and he srewed it un and shoved it in his pocket and made some angry ramblings about me taking the p**s!
I now have the job of telling my daughter she has to accept a phonecall from her dad once a week - she is not happy about this at all. In fact she has told me she wont speak down the phone.
Not been a very good day at all.
Hi littleangel, what an exhausting day - I believe that if you ask someone at the reception, you can wait in a private room - say that you feel intimidated by your ex. Sorry I didn't say that to you earlier.
It is good that CAFCASS are going to get involved, it sounds as though your daughter will tell them exactly what she thinks. I don't beleive you can force your daughter to speak with him down the phone. If and when he rings, then it is up to her to answer it - you have done your best and if it is her own personal mobile then it is her choice who she answers to.
What are you doing this evening. I hope you have something pleasant planned for yourself, this process is exhausting and you need to look after yourself. I think you have done a brilliant job so far. Stay strong 
Did you report to his solicitor what he said whilst leaning over your sister?
Hi, anna thanks for replying.
I am half way through a bottle of wine and my plan for tonight is to finish it lol. Has been an exhausting week so far had a 5,000 word assignment to hand in on monday and because of all this I didnt start it till friday - weekend was hectic!
I had heard you can go in a private room but I wanted to show him he cant get to me any more. I no longer feel physically threatened by him (infact I was praying he would assault me so I could show his true colours). I think it was just his blatant arrogance that what getting to me and I was annoyed he tried to intimidate my sister because he knows how fragile she is. Problem was I couldnt bring my mum because she has no restraint when it comes to him and she would hit him or something and I thought the court would find it inappropriate if my partner came.
I have written an 8 page statement of everything I remember that he has done during and after our relationship so I will just add todays behaviour to the statement and show it to CAFCASS officer.
If your daughter does not want to speak to him can't she tell the court or write a letter to them? I've never had to go to court myself so not sure how it works but when I was younger the courts said I had to see my father and acept calls, I recorded the phone calls as evidence he was abusive and said bad things to my mother, then I wrote to court saying I no longer wanted contact and they accepted due to me being old enough to decide?? obv all cases are different but she shouldn't be forced to speak to him :(
Oh Im not sure Tinkerbell, she is only 8 so I think they take the view that she is influenced by me, but I have never bad mouthed him to her. Cafcass will be coming to ask her how she feels about seeing her dad but not sure how much weight that will have.
Problem is he is not abusive to her (well not a problem a relief), she just doesnt like him, she says he is strange and he scares her (tbh I think he has mental health issues as he says bizarre things and acts quite odd at times). In the past when he has called her he spent literally telling her over and over again that he loves her and then asking her does she understand that? It totally got on her nerves given at the time she didnt know him (she was 2 when I left him and 6 1/2 when she next had contact). He gets frustrated with her a little because she doesnt get excited to hear from him and stuff like that, just all a bit too intense for her.
Hopefully they take her point of view on board considering this is all his about HER after all. Such a sham and I can totally understand why she gets annoyed with him, no one would like basically a stranger cuddling you and constantly saying they love you, it sounds lime he needs the reasurance not her! must be creepy. It amazes me how some parents drop their kids then think they can pick up where they left off when they feel like it! Being the same blood doesn't make you a parent, you have to earn trust and love and work hard for it. I really hope everything works out and your daughter doesn't feel the court is pushing her into anything she does not want to do x
Hi little angel
I just wanted to say well done to you for getting through that ordeal. It's now up to your daughter whether or not she answers the calls. Try and stay as calm as possible when dealing with CAFCASS, they are more likely to take notice of (and believe) a calm, rational mum who explains to them in a factual way what has happened.
Hi littleangel. Okay, you have ten days to think this through. You'll be fine. Don't worry about the recorded conversation, (if indeed he did record it). What forms are you expecting and not yet received? You've still time for these yes? Am sure Louise, or someone else will be able to help you out more, so take those deep breaths, and you'll be okay. Thinking of you.