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A couple of months a go i was a desperate mother believing i was not fit to have my children
My ex wanted residency and at the time he was still taking drugs. The court process was very long and stressful he brought up everything from 2009 when i was mentally ill. Everything I had stated to him that he did he used in court and said it was me
Even though he was re abusing me i just ignored I sought support from the local children centre the school and social services and with all that. The first hearing i took the proof of how untrue his allegations where
The last hearing was the hardest his position statement was untrue and slated me as a mother and focused on the past. I did not I focused on the future and the achievements. I did not have a solicitor
on the morning of the court I arrived at the train station yes i was scared. He was on the same train. But even worse to the he was talking and getting on the train with the mans uncle who raped me i remembered the freedom programme as you can imagine i was extremely distressed and saw them get off the train together. I was ready to give up and refuse to go into court But as i went to the desk. my ex turned up on his own. I sat and read the book in open at the court to refocus myself his proposal in his residency was even though He was propasing my daughter lives with him I would not be allowed to move within a ten miles radiace of our home town
I won the court case. through intimidation manipulation he was seen to be a man with no morals.
No matter what domestic violence you have been through. Be the better person and even though ypou fear the unknown and what they are doing whether a man or a woman take the moral high ground do not rise to there levels of destructive behavior. What they done to you cannot effect your child with them cause no matter what the court will want to see who will be the better parent it does not mean not having boundaries or not protecting yourself. It just means pushing a side your feelings and thats hard
Great post sammie and I have just been saying hello to you on the other thread. You talk about the fear that you felt and you STILL faced up to it, wow.
How are you and the children now?
Little angel I did the same acted on my own behalf. The courts will still look at access if social services say no the court may try supervised visits. But tell them a social worker will need to be present at all times do not say no as you will be seen as the destructive parent use i understand my childs need to know there father never let your view known say even though I have been through hell but i need to push my hurt a side and develop my childs needs. You become a better person
Louise
The hardest thing was to tell my body to stop fighting. My daughter is happy that she is seeing her dad however he still tries to control. In front of my daughteoing to r i asked when she was going to see her grandparents as i had given them the oppurtunity since easter oh thats happening on the 29th august when i get day access wrong his first access full day is 29th september so she now sees the games and said mummy thanks for asking. Hopefully they will move us now with what he did and i need to give my body time to calm down
I am consideringsitting a mckenzie friend course to assist people who are in the same situation in court because facing someone who abused is really hard scary and a emotion we all need support with
I will say i took the book from the freedom programme living life with the dominator and pulled it out in the waiting area in front of him and read it i didnt hide what i was reading either. I sit the face to face course in september
Sammie, how goodofyou to want to become a Mckenzie Friend. I was going to use them myself but it didnt work out but being on your own is very daunting.
In my case it isnt just Social Services who have said no access it is CAFCASS too and they are meant to hold a lot of weight, my cafcass officer has basically said in his report that my ex is only going through the court process to further cause me distress and he has advised the case be dismissed. If the judge goes against this and still requests contact I dont think I can just agree because I KNOW it is not in my childs best interests. I am long past what my ex has done to me but by allowing him contact with my daughter I believe I will be putting her at risk of harm and all the professionals agree so i will just appeal. Fingers crossed the judge will see my ex for what he is but if not the fight goes on....
Thanks, sammie, it sounds as if the experience yoiu have had has taught you a lot.
Little angel, in these court cases what tends to happen is what CAFCASS say should be the outcome IS the outcome.
Yeah that what I have been told so thats what am expecting but I will be slighlty on gaurd just in case I am the 1% where it isnt the case lol
Thank you Louise
little angel I was like you so much had gone wrong that until the court case the judge said and made his mind up it was not going to be real.
they do tend to go with the cafcass to the point i went in and was asked how contact was to proceed in your case how it will not
Please do not hesistate to ask at the same time for a injunction it is your right to ask for protection from him. The judge in my case said to do drop offs and collections at the police station but thats putting my daughter in a situation she cannot deal with
dont forget you are important to your child. You may become down because you have fought this battle for so long i did dont be ashamed.....
Good luck and hold your head up high and your body do not show him your anxious You are better than what he throws at you
Thanks Sammie x x
gud luck with court monday xx
Thinking of you today littleangel, we are right behind you 
hi gud luck with court today xx
Hi Sammie,
How awful your situation was you have done so well to stay strong through out and continue to fight for what you know is right. I am glad you posted it as I can relate to a lot of what you said. I have my final hearing on Monday and both CAFCASS and Social Services have made a report that my ex is too high risk to have any contact with my daughter. He too tried to use my mental health against me and he tried to intimidate me at court but I chose to ignore him and focus on the case at hand and so far it is looking good for me, which is a suprise because I have been told from day one by everyone that I will be forced to give my ex contact and I am unable to afford a solicitor so have had to do it all by myself but if I win on Monday all of it will be worth it. Your post was very uplifting for me x