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I am so angry at myself!
Arrived at court at 9am finally called in at 10:45am I was offered a private room to wait in but felt claustrophopic so sat in the open area accross from him on my own. My boyf came in for a brief part of the wait but the meters were running on the cars and he had to leave after I went in the first time. During the first part my ex's solicitor was basically arguing the toss about the report that Cafcass wrote. They felt it was too judgemental and hadnt correctly followed the Welfare Checklist. So for the first part of the hearing I just sat and listened as they argued back and forth with the magistrate then we were sent out so his solicitor could contact cafcass to clarify some points they were taking issue with.
At 12:45 I was called back in to court where they began explaining that they needed the cafcass officer to come in and give evidence and that my ex also wanted me to gie evidence about the allegations I had made. As I was tired, hungry and ill (water & ear infection) as well as having sat opposite ex for over 3hrs waiting about I became overcome with emotion and just burst in to tears. As they tried to ask me what was wrong I became hysterical and had to be excused from the court. I know my ex was laughing his head off! I just cant believe they are going to make me go over everything again! I feel so exhausted and utterly disappointed that I broke down in fron of ex (perhaps coz I was ill had something to do with it). In my abscnce it has been agreed there will be a full day hearing in which both myself and cafcass can be cross examined - I just want to die, I dont have the energy for this. I also have to provide a statement to court by 2nd september so my ex can make a counter statement.
To add to the day I came back to the car to get a £50 parking fine as I only paid for 4 hours and was in there for 4 1/2! I just give up!
No Anna I was on my own not heard from IDVA feel a bit disappointed by them to be honest.
I think the whole day was just so long and so overwhelming. The magistrates did seem sympathetic when I broke down and afterwards the legal advisor came to tell me about something called PSU who can sit with me and support me in court. Im not sure if it was coz I was on my own or just the fact I really thought it would all be over after today and once the realisation hit I would have to come back it all just felt too much.
Hi littleangel. I'm so sorry that you had such a hard time. Cannot begin to imagine how hard it is for you, but do forget about the statement for a few days at least. Give yourself time, and don't be hard on yourself for breaking down. You're not the first to do this, and you certainly won't be the last. Hope you're okay. xx
Thanks Hazeleyes x I am sure I will be fine tomorrow just all a bit much today. Tomorrow isa new day and I will refocus myself then 
Good plan littleangel for this evening and I think you are absolutely right about why you broke down.
I am glad that the magistrate did show sympathy. Also good to hear that you can have PSU (personal support unit) too. Google PSU in (name of your area) court, so you can fidn out more.
I would also try and chase up the IDVA, I am not surprised that you feel let down by them, pretty poor behaviour.
How is your little angel this evening? Did she know that you were going to Court today?
hi little angel im so sorry to ear wot u went thru, i do understand where ur cumin from, it was all to much for me in court as u no after wot i heard bout my ex in court, i was shaking, i cried alway ome as well,tuk me few days to calm down ,it just got to much for me, b nice to urself, and try calm down, u dxidwot u ad to dox
Anna I will look up the PSU and see what they can do for me. Littleangel is fine playing in her room with friends. She never asked me how court went but when I told her that I was going this morning she just said "I dont want to know" I think it a bit much for her and she will talk when she ready. She keeps asking me am I ok (i cried ealrier) but I told her it coz of my poorly ear.
Thanks Keira. It is a bit much sitting in that court, I did better last time but this time I just felt too overwhelmed. I know i should dwell on me getting upset but cant help it I spent 6 years building myselfback up after what he did and then I cried in front of him. The worst thing is I was not crying because of him just because I was so frustrated I had to come back to court and do it all again, I just wanted it to be over.
Hi Littleangel,
Sorry you felt overwhelmed on the day, maybe a good way of viewing the situation is that the evidence has to be heard so the right decision can be made and once you have done that you probably won't have to face your ex again. The Courts can be a gloomy place especially when you have no support.
Try and stay strong and next time you will feel better about the whole situation hopefully.
Chin up x
hi these men luv puting us thru it, they thrive on us being miserable,, i new my ex wud take me court as i adnt ad him bk, they use courts to harass us, take deep breaths and tomoz anover dayxx
Thanks Murray x I am trying to be positive about it and really I should have expected it would come to this. I am just so angry that i lost it and cried. I could hear him sniggering and enjoying it as the magistrates were trying desperately to calm me and comfort me. I just wish i never gave him the satisfaction of seeing it get to me like that. He will love it now and do his best to push me further over the edge like he did to his sons mum who completely cracked and just gave in giving him 50% custody as she couldnt fight any more. I wont give in but I hate him thinking he got the better of me once again.
Keira you are so right about these men and cafcass clearly ststed in his report my ex was using the courts as a means to harras me and somehow it has been decided to further harrass me with a trial!!! Doesnt feel fair.
littleangel, loads of hugs from me too. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I really am.
aw im thinking of u hun, iunderstand where ur cumin fromxx
Thanks for all your support guys x Today is a new day although havent slept much but I have some important tests in hospital today (which am fasting for and starting the day without a coffee is not good for me lol) so am hoping for some good news on this at least.
Hope you all have a nice day 
littleangel morning sorry to hear court wasnt nice ive got the same sept 5 and my two boys were interviewed by cafcass and in that report they said that it was not in the favour for the boys to see their dad just hoping that my ex wont want to push it further . not nice how things plan out and what we have to do stay strong x
morning little angel
Dont be hard on yourself.....
I know its hard its a finding fact hearing i recommend you do try for mckenzie friend now you need support hun
Its his way of re abusing you mentally do not allow him to do it The person can be someone you know a friend dont go in on your own hun
I was hoping it would be better for you keep your head up you still have social services ask them to come with you and give evidence in court
Hello little angel
I am so sad to hear about what happened but I would like to bet that despite all his sniggering, it actually went in your favour that you were so upset...they have now seen exactly what effect this man and this relationship had on you.Added to which you have TWO infections, a situation unlikely to be repeated.
You are very intelligent and capable and will be fine compiling the report, in a sensible and calm way, once the high emotion has eased. And next time, you know more what to expect so it will be far, far less upsetting although I agree that you should have a supporter in the court. You could also have a snack with you to keep up your energy levels.
Onwards and upwards from this awful experience!!
Thanks Shaz, good luckwith your hearing I amsure you will be fine, even the magistrate was very clear that he will NOT go against what CAFCASS advised but my ex solicitor just kept banging on about some wording in the report. I could tell the magistrates did not want to call for the further hearing but their hands were tied. Afterwards the legal advisor said to me (although I was too hysterical to acknowledge it) "the courts very rarely go against cafcass so dont worry their recommendation will stand".The problem was I wasnt upset about that I was upset that my ex had managed to use the court to further harass me, even though he knows he will lose he still wants me to come back and give evidence. (sorry for rant) what I meant to say is if cafcass have ruled in your favour you should be ok x
Sammie, Thanks I will definately be using someone for support next time but I want to contact womens aid first and see if they can help as I know their will be mind games in court and I need advise on how to handle them.
Thanks guys... trying to stay strong, but 10 years is a long time...
Thanks Louise I am striving onwards & upwards... slowly 
Hi littleangel, please do not feel ashamed that you let your ex see you cry - stuff him, he doesn't deserve any of your thoughts and by beating yourself up about it, means he is still in your mind and manipulating you.
I know that it was his doing, but of course you were going to be upset, who wouldn't?He is dragging you through court in an absurd manner and hopefully all present will see this too.
hi hun ope ur ok, i went thru tht in court as u no,ex tried sitin bk in court in his chair but never luked at him once, even after wot i heard bout him bfore in court when i was in the private room, he isnt worth one of my tears like ur ex,ur are worth loads more than him, hes one in wrong not uxx
Thanks guys, I know you are all right and I know (somewhere inside) that it deosnt matter that I cried etc. I think I just wasnt prepared for MY reaction to it all. I really felt confident and strong going in there yesterday I was ready for whatever was thrown at me but then (without warning) I lost it and im still unsure why. I remember the magistrates asking me what it was specifically that was upsetting me but I just got more hysterical and I think it was because I myself didnt really know why I was so upset. But now I just think it was everything finally hitting me when I had been trying to ignore it all to get on with studies and other stuff. Next time will be much better because I am now coming to terms with the whole situation properly instead of just ignoring it and pretending it doesnt get to me.
Also had some tests today and one of them shown the water infection has spread to my kidneys and I now have stronger meds and some painkillers so that has definately played a part as I have been in a lot of pain recently and unable to eat or sleep. Once I am physically better things will seem less traumatic, I really am a big baby when am ill lol
Heck it is not being a big baby, you have had a significant infection, not to mention your ear pain as well!
Hope you are soon feeling better, do you feel a bit clearer about your statement that you will prepare for the court?
Hi Louise I kind of know what needs to go in it but I am stuck in a state of 'whats the point' because I have to submit it so my ex can produce a response and I know that I am just writing something for him and his solicitor to rip apart so I cant see the point in doing it. I will do it at some point but it just feels like I am just putting myself out there for further abuse and I have already been told that it is cafcass word that matters so the whole statement thing is just an added bit of entertainment for my ex.
I wonder.....I wonder if a short list of irrefutable facts would be a good idea? I mean without any high emotion?
hi well ad letter off my soliciter, court av made a mistake sayin i live in liverpool, i live nowhere nr liverpool,wot a mistakexx
hi little angel dont no if u felt same, but i dread post, incase its cafcass or social of my soliciter, my heart starts pounding, like this mornin, letter off my soliciter, i just felt sickx
hi what is a parents information programme, i am not attending anythin with my ex, not a chance, idont av to do ix
Hi kiera, I notice that you have posted this is in your thread too so I shall respond there.
littleangel, I agree with Louise, keep it short, keep it factual, then there will be little to argue against hopefully. Although I think we already know that they will 'try' and argue everything.
Sorry to hear about the kidney infection, keep being kind to yourself.
Hi guys,
Louise, I have tried today to put a little something together today but its not anywhere near done yet. I dont have any 'irrefutable' facts really because I cannot prove any of the things my ex has done even the records at the contact centre confirm he missed two consecutive contact visits but I cant prove he missed them deliberately because he was annoyed I had a holiday. And as for any violence in the past his solicitor is making the case that all the evidence against him relates to his 'past' and he has no convictions after 2008 ( he has had several arrests and one major trial but all were dropped due to lack of evidence) so they are arguing he has changed- yeah right. I am trying not to focus on his violence in the relationship because he will deny it and I have no proof so just trying to articulate how his behaviour has been in last 2-3 years but when I read it back it doesnt look at all bad.
Keira I do also get very anxious at the post or the phone ringing. I have had this a while though because I have had debt issues as well as the stuff with court. I find anxiety medication fromthe doctor helps me a lot. Wish I took some on monday!
Hi Anna as above have started in rough with statement but not getting far. I have emailed womensaid to see is they can help me. My kidney infection has really taken its toll today been in bed all day sweating and vomitting. I have some very strong painkillers though and they just knock me out which is good. Hopefully get better soon or I have to go in hospital 
hi mayb i shud go doctors for anxiety, heart pounding,never go doctors,i just mangexx
Hi little angel
Firstly I am sorry to hear how poorly you are! How do you feel this morning?
From what you said in your last post, the list could read something like:
Missed two contact sessions (date)
Arrested for assault (date)
Charged with (offence) (date)
etc
Hi little Angel
When i wrote a position statement I asked the legal team on here I also put what i required in google
Remember the abuse may not seem that bad but its also the mental strain it puts on you and the children. When you become scared to walk out your door when you visit the doctors breaking down in tears
The contact centre can write a letter about missed dates and he will have to explain why dont put you believe. Let him answer he will have to come back with a good reason
arrested for assault you can phone the police and request them to give you the crime number and if possible a break down of your statement and his to haand in as evidence
I believe you can get a breakdown of the court hearing as well sent direct to the court this is all evidence
He can only make allegations leave him to answer the questions
You have done so well and as you said to me you will only grow stronger and thats what recovery is use the people who support you.
dont forget people like contact staff will be able to say how it effected the situation when he never turned up use them they are there for assistance and dont be afraid to ask
i used The custody minefield site it breaks it down for you and shows you how to write it how to refer to your ex partner have a look i hope it helps. You may need to write three or four to see my first draft was a complete rant about it all and then the next one i looked from the outside in
Keira I think a trip to the doctors is well overdue for you. It really helped me and I will be back there as soon as my GP is back from holiday because I know how bad my anxiety gets if I try to manage it on my own. Anxiety is the worst thing I have ever had (worse than depression) because it completely controls your whole life.
Louise, I am not much better today I am in excruciating pain in my back but the vomitting seems to have stopped. Feel very weak, my ear is better though. I wasnt sure about listing offences he wasnt charged for or the one that was dropped because I thought it is innocent until proven guilty?! My ex has always claimed it was a case of mistaken identity lol I have put the missed contact sessions in there not sure how much weight they will hold as he attended all the other sessions during the 10 month period. The rest of my evidence centres around calls he has made to me and threats he has made but I was unable to record any of them. My GP is very kind and she has offered to give a very detailed report of the mental damage he has caused.
Sammie thanks for your post the custody minefield sounds like a good approach I will try them. I am also hoping womens aid can help me and I will be using PSU in court so am not alone this time.
Good news is i have booked a holiday for the week after the hearing so I can de-stress and move forward...
Sounds like a good idea, little angel!
I have got no legal training, I just thought that even if found innocent, the list of things would be pretty damning if it showed how many times he had been arrested.
Glad your ear is better but oh dear you really have been bad with the kidney infection, I know that can cause a lot of pain, poor you. Have you got to go back to the doctor if it has not cleared by a certain day?
Thanks Louise, I am back at docs tomorrow so we will see, feeling a bit better this afternoon though.
I am just very wary of saying anything really because I know what he is like and he has a solicitor to back him up. My ex is the type of guy who reads law books for fun - prob why the trial was dropped as he knows just how to play the system.
All this balling and I forgot to mention the good thing that came out of the court hearing.
After i fled the court room in tears the legal advisor came out to see me and it was very clear she was trying to guide me on how to respond when she said "the issue of whether the telephone contact should continue has been raised, we need toknow your stance on this..." she then gave me a very determined look and said " am I to tell them thatin light of what the CAFCASS report says you are going to take their advice and stop the telephone contact...?" It was very clear she just wanted me to nod so I did and that was it... Telephone contact has been terminated
Ah that is interesting. You must feel happier about that bit, anyway!
Let us know how you get on at the doctor's
Thanks Louise x
The infection is clearing but got a second dose of antibiotics just to push it along. Not in as much pain today though.
Womensaid have replied to say they will assign me a worker so fingers crossed they can help x
Glad you are starting to see an improvement! And great news about the worker, phew
hi little angel wel i went to my doctors,ad to wait an hour but was woth it, hes a gud doctor, i tolsd him bit wot i ad bin thru, told him bout my anxiety, he as giv me low dose of tablets to take, calm me down,got to go bk in 2 weeks, bit scared to takle um, but he said not adictive or side effects,at least i av bin, bin busy today, goin awaytomoz, not even packed, not ad chance, wait til my little girl in be dthen pack, how are u hunxxope ur feelin okxx
Keira so glad you saw your GP. Honestly when I finally went it changed my life, not just because I got meds but because my GP was finally able to explain that all my anxieties were normal for my situation and that I wasnt mental. I hope the meds work for you and be sure to keep the doctor up to date with how you feeling.
I am feeling physically much better, thankfully. My anxiety is still bad but always is after a situation and my regular doc is on hol
Hope you enjoy your hol -you deserve it x
aw thank u hun, yeagh im glad i went.not gona take tablets til i get bk, just doctor said i av b patient, i av go bk doctors in 2 weeks, worried oif istart takin tablets while im away myt ruin my holiday, wil i get sic or anythin, im on low dose, x
I cant say how you may feel hun as it effects everyone differently. I have never got sick on any antidepressants I have tried but that could just be me. I have had a couple of slight side effects on some (drowsines & sweating) but they happened once id been taking them for a while. The reason your GP is asking you to come back in two weeks is probably to see how the meds work as they tend to take two weeks to kick in so if you start them a bit later let your doc know. Have a lovely hol x
I have finally had contact from womens aid and I was in such a state when they spoke to me they made me a priorityand have allocated me a worker. She was great on the phone and is coming to see me this week. she has basically told me to stop what i am doing and wait for her so she can help me through it all (I think i was a babbling wreck on the phone). She is coming court with me next time and is going to arrange some free legal advice for me as well as chasing up marac so it is nice to finally pass some of the pressure over.
Saw my GP today also and have some anxiety meds which are an unbelievable help by time I saw my GP I was in midst of a panic attack just describing all thats gone on it took her 5 mins to calm me down and get me to speak coherently. Hopefully as my anxiety gets under control the task ahead will seem more achievable
Well done you! By taking those steps hopefully you will get more support, it is a huge load you are carrying.
So pleased to hear that Womens Aid are able to arrange some free legal advice, let us know how it goes. What a relief to know you have someone in your corner (as well as us of course!)
So what does today hold for you?
Thanks Anna, today was a lazy day angel went back to school and had house to myself and just lounged all day. Enjoying the calm inside my head from the meds lol
I'm glad you took some time for you, littleangel. We all deserve some of that, preferably at regular intervals! (A goes back to school tomorrow, but I'll be running round like a mad thing. Will take some time for myself towards the end of the week).
Hope the tablets you've been prescribed prove helpful - and I'm really pleased to hear you've been assigned a worker from Women's Aid.
Mary
Thanks Mary, luckily I dont have much running around to do at the moment - except shopping for holiday clothes which is hardly a chore I have got in to a habit of doing housework at night because have been struggling with sleep, a bit better since the meds but generally doing my cleaning at 2-4 am, minus the hoover of course (neighbours must think I am mental) but it nice to wake to a clean house.
Oooh I forgot about your holiday, its with your sisters isn't it? Is littleangel going, or is it just grown ups?
Where are you going and when do you go?
I am going with my sister her two little girls,angel, my mum and my younger brother and sister! Proper family holiday. We go on 30th Sept and are going tenerife. I have been there about 4 times but my family havent so I will be acting as tour guide - cant wait!
Aww littleangel, huge hugs for you. I am so sorry to read what has happened.
I am not surprised you broke down, do not be disappointed with yourself, this is so stressful and you seem to be having to deal with it alone.
Do not beat yourself up over it please. Be gentle with yourself this afternoon. There is nothing you could have done for things to be different.
Just for today try not to think about the statement and the cross examination. In a few days time when you have had time to reflect on the fact that all of this is to try and make you wobble, you will feel clearer. Worrying will not help anything at this point.
It sounds as though his solicitor was all ready for this, surely this should have been raised beforehand?
Also forget the car parking ticket, get online, pay it and put it behind you, do not let it add to the stress you are under at the moment.
Did the IDVA go with you? Have you heard from them?