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so, i ve been through 2 court hearings already. both regarding my son's dad,
in the previous post i mentioned that he was trying to take my son away from me, and that i was scared,
Well, the only good thing that happend in the past few months is that, the judge said he wont get my A, as in take the parental responsibilities off me.
We have been seen by cafcass officer, who have spoken to me about the situation between me and my LO's father. But honestly, she was kinda of funny towards me, and when i was ready to speak about him, and she stated that he have said very good things about me...so i decided that if he said good things, i wont say anything bad either, apart of him not supporting my son since day one.
But of course, i was very surprised, when i got to read the repport written by the officer, i couldnt believe my eyes. i havent found any single good thing said about me. My LO's father has said:
- that all of my friends are taking drugs! (yes, right, and i am a dealer lol)
- that he have been supporting me from the day 1, paying me regulary £50 a week ( was wondering how come i have never seen those money, may be i need to get some proper glasses...)
- that i have been asking for money, and i also contacted his family through facebook, and beg them for the support... (interesting)
- at the end he also said that he became so frustrated with my demands that he stopped payments all together (oh boy, what payments)
The cafcass officer, after hearing me saying (that i dont rust african man), have stated in th ereport that i am racist and i should been sent to some cultural groups, to learn about their culture...lol Since i remember, I've been dating or been friends with black people, I also have mixed race kid, so how on earth i can be a racist???
Obviously i went straight to my solicitor, and i said that all the information he has given is complete b**** ( excuse my french). But she said that, the court wont be looking at the dispute, its all about my little one's good.
Never mind that to make my kid's life good, he also need some food and clothing.
I am so upset, because on the last court hearing i found out that he will get PR no matter what, but before that, he sent a letter to my solicitor saying that he do not agree with me travelling abroad, and that he will oppose every single appeal for it.
funny enough, i havent seen neither of my family for nearly 3 years, and they have never met my son! sweet situation.
On top of that, the child support people mugging me about! when i applied for child support back in march, they made the decision that i will get £5/a week, which is about £21/ a month, well, ok, i understood, because they said that my LO's dad doesn't work. Suddenly about 1 week ago, i never seen again child support, i called the CSA and ive been told that, the employer got time to pay the child suport up till the 19th of every month. Now i dont understand, because ive been told that he doesnt work, and also my solicitor have asked if he works, an dhe said no ( that was on the 29th of the July).
Coming back to the court topic, the judge have decided that A will see his dad, every two weeks on Saturday. I was kinda of ok with that, but hey how can i afford those trains and buses? last time i went there, i spend about £20 on tickets itself + my oyster card have been playing around, and i had to pay penalty fee, when i was getting off the station!
Can anyone try and explain me the situation regarding
: - child support situation
: - The PR rights ( can he change my little ones last name to his? without my say?)
: - How to make my solicitor to fill in the application for the Prevention of abduction act? ( at the moment she says, that its not neccessary, because he isn't danger to him, but when i asked her, # what if he wont return him to me on the stated time, lets say saturday? hwta do i do, she said i can go to police, and after the weekend, we would go to court, to fill in application, to make him return A, but hey i was thinking, by the time we will get to court, he would be probably long time abroad, and knowing the situations of missing children, as soon they outside UK is 100x harder to bring them back!)
Sorry for the longets post ever, but i really needed to speak out... and find answers... help appreciated!
Mich
Hello MichellePierre
You certainly have been through a rough time of it!!
You will be glad to know that we have a new "ask the expert" feature on the boards. Click here to contact the Child Support specialist and here to contact the legal expert.
As far as I understand it, your child's name is the one on the birth certificate and the father is unable to change it without your consent as you also have Parental Responsibility.
Sparkling lime has had a great idea about getting a passport for your boy so that you hold it. You are still allowed to leave the country for a holiday for a couple of weeks UNLESS he has taken out a successful Prohibitive Steps court order against you and I would have thought he was unlikely to succeed in that if your family live abroad.
Also I don't see why you should be expected to bear the cost of travel every time he has parenting time. You are quite within your rights to say "A is available on alternate Saturdays as arranged. You can pick him up from my house" (or another location easy for you if you don't want him at your house). You are therefore not preventing him seeing his dad.
It is a horrible thing to be accused of racism. What I WOULD say however, is that if your son is mixed race then it is important for him to learn about his roots from his dad's side of the family but I am sure you are aware of this already.
Anyway I do hope the links above will help you 
thank you for lovely messages,
so far i havent heard from CSA people, so the payment have been stopped, but i didnt really bother to call them up, because i think it isnt worth it for £20...
Another thing, i spoke to my solicitor about getting the thing called: "prevention of child abduction" as i am still afriad, that my LO's father have some sneaky plan on me ( he is still stopping me from going abroad, therefore my solicitor have to put an application to the court,)so regarding this document, she said we do not hav eenough evidence of him having any plan of abductin my son, but after all, the lies he has fed court with ( and which i am unable to proof as lies) are making me think that he is going to take him away. I am very frustrated, and would like to seek more help, just to prevent him from taking my LO overseas,
I am also upset because i haven't been in my country fo the past 2.5 years ( last time i went to see my family i was 2 months pregnant), and "the daddy" have said that he will do anything what it takes to stop me from going with my son, even though my dad had an accident and he is unable to walk ( he is 56 yo), + i need badly a break.
Its frustrating that everyone (the court, my solicitor, CAFCASS officer) keep saying that this all "daddy thing" is in my childs best interest, but isnt the financial matter also included in that interest? of course i am not asking for the money! i meant as in buying him some clothes, shoes etc... not some cheap toys, that he will throw twice and its broken...
Also would like to know, if there is any way of making a complaint to the Cafcass, as i have always felt (since day 1) that the officer that is involved with the court has been keeping my Lo's father side at all times. she have accused me of racism ( as i said in my first post), and now if i will speak to her about the raprt she hav ewrote, she is trying to make an excuse that it can happen under the stress ( example: he said that ALL of my friends have been taking drugs
, and when i have confronted her, she said u can say things like that under the stress, well then why they are taking such a steps against me when i hav ereceived the first call to let me know that there is a court hearing about taking my parental responsibilities of me, and i have reacted badly, i shouted and that, and now, no one will listen that i have acted under the stress, they treat this as a threat, and they using his against me)
If anyone know the answers, please help.
also will try and research, i am really worried, as the things are moving way too fast for me...
Michelle
Hello Michelle Pierre
Good to hear from you. I explained the thing about you going to viit your family in my last post, above.
As far as complaining about CAFCASS goes, click here to see a copy of their complaints procedure.
Don't trust anything CAFCASS says to you unless it happens to be in writing, they are trained to, not necessarily lie, but be economical with the truth. They will try, they are trained to, get things out of you without you knowing they are, they will read between the lines and draw their own conclusions based on what both parents say.
It's not a good idea to argue with them verbaly and get on the wrong side of them as the courts will listen to the CAFCASS report above anything. You must complain formaly in writing that way they will have to address the issue and make it apparent that they have not reacted emotionaly to your complaint.
I too was supprised when I read the final CAFCASS report on my case, despite the fact that it was in my favour there was lots in it that wasn't true and wrong, it was so down the middle and yes! but!
My experience with CAFCASS, where as it was on the whole possative, if I have to deal with them again I would only trust what was put in writting... and I would be much more cagey about what I said to them.
And! your partner can't change your child's name from that on the birth certificate without your consent.
On the point of changing your childs name, I changed my daughters surname (unofficially) when she was 7. The only thing she has her legal name on is her passport and bank account. But she wants to change it legally when her passport runs out!
Hi
For a long time I had the threat of my ex removing the children to Texas. My older two knew what action needed to be taken if ever they were taken to an airport.
My solicitor advised me to apply for their passports, as this would have meant that I would have been alerted had ex tried to apply for passports. I was unable to get a Court order to stop him taking the children out of the country, however in mediation we both agreed not to. I certainly didn't trust him though.
With regards to CSA and them mentioning the 19th. With Pay as You Earn, the employer has to pay this to inland revenue by then for the previous month (if that makes sense)
For the last five years I have received between £22 and £58 a month total for four children. Eventually when they pay that little you just forget about it, as its not worth getting stressed over it, to be honest. It takes energy away from having fun with your child.
You cannot stop him lying either. You know what the truth is, however. In my case, my ex must have made up such wonderful tales that I doubt he would even remember the truth now, as his lies are reality to him.