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hi all long story short. I have an almost 1 year old boy. his dad saw him maybe 10 times since he was born 30 to 40 mins each time. we bEen seeing each other for 5 years before i got pregnant the baby wasn't planned but decided to keep him. before my son was born he was v nice always saying how special i was to him and all that . After my son was born he went v quiet not even a message nothing. had no support from him at all. he hasnt spent a pound on my son not bought him nth. it is vry hard. each day wait for him to ring txt but get nothing. when ask him about it he saays he is going through a hard time or needs to come to terms with everything .dont know what to do.I am totally on my own . have no family here. am due back at work in january . money is tight and this aother problem.I am cnsidering gtting csa involved but then he will nver cme round . i am worried for my son. will he be happy without adad?? eerywhere i read it says aboy needs a dad. will we live in poverty for the rest of our lifes??? dnt know what to d. struggle. Is anybody there that mybe was in similar situation?? cnt sleep a nights feel v alone am
Hello ella83 Welcome along, there's lots of online friendship and support here 
IDT is right...you can't MAKE him want to get involved but what you can do is get some financial help. Have a look at this page (click) and get things moving. Don't waste any more time considering the father's feelings, YOU haven't had any choice about getting your head round things, you have just had to get on with it.
As for a baby needing a father, what a baby needs is one consistent caregiver, whether that is a mum, a dad, a grandma, an adoptive parent.....as your boy grows, it is helpful for him to have men in his life, such as teachers, cub leaders, uncles, neighbours....guys who can show him what it is to be a man in today's world. But at the moment, he is little and just needs consistent care, and it will help him if his mum is not worried sick.
Contact your local Children's Centre (click) to see what groups and activities you can go to, like IDT says. It's easier to make friends with parents wheh there are little ones crawling around, you just base the conversation on the kids to start with. See our article about making friends (click here to look)
Hope that gives you some starting points, we are here every day to talk to and you are not alone!
Louise is bang on, while your ex is "coming to terms with everything" you are struggling on alone and without financial support. Everyone goes through hard times, it doesn't mean he can forget about his responsiblities.
The children's centre is really amazing, I would never have gotten through my first baby's first year without them and I wasn't even a lone parent at the time. I used to go to a group pretty much every day and I learnt so much about parenting and about coping with my post natal depression. It was an absolute godsend to be able to rock up at a group and sit down with my son, and within two minutes a CC worker would be sat with me asking how I was doing and ready to listen. I dread to think what would have happened without their support, I might not be here now.
You're never alone, it's just about getting out there and getting the support you deserve. First stop, Childrens Centre and CSA. Don't worry about the prospect of your son growing up without a father regularly in his life. For one, things could change a great deal over the coming years, your ex could sort his sh*t out and step up to the plate. And if he doesn't, it's okay because you are able to provide everything he needs. There will be men in his life for him to look up to, like Louise said, but right now all he needs is a mummy who loves him - and he's got that.
Good luck with everything. We're all here for you!
Well said just_immi. I agree wholeheartedly.
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Thank you for all your rsponses. I will check baby centres in my area and we will make a move and start going places more. I am due back at work on 2nd Jan, on a part time basis. Have sorted a nursery for a lo and even though I am looking forward to working my employr wasn't that understanding and still wants me to work till 6/7 every second week. as nurseries close at 6 pm it looks like I will now have to find a childminder for my baby instead. It's such a struggle some days are worse than others. His dad rang me after 2 months of being quiet and came for 20 mins last week. My son was glued to me and didn't want to be held by him or nothing as he doesn't know him.
This year was hard. Coming to terms with the situation as I never expected that to be happening not even when I was pregnant...xx
Sounds like a childminder will be needed if there are no late-opening nurseries. Yes I agree we can find ourselves in situations we never imagined, and do you know what? we do actually COPE. You should feel very proud of yourself 
Absolutely. It's amazing what we can do when we have to. And once you truly accept the situation you've found yourself in, marvellous things can happen. x
Hi your not alone lovely you will get great support here ;)
I understand your lonelynes I don't have much support but you can do this but by bit each day at a time, with time you can build a happy and for filing life for you and your son, you can provide all he needs.
one thing you can not do is change the fact that his dad does nothing for him so there's nothing you can do to change him.
i would contact Csa as In my opinion its your duty to your son to meet financial help from his dad if you see what I mean.
do you get out much honey? Any toddler groups, its hard to make new friends I really find it hard.
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