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So, how would you deal with a request from the Ex to see the kids more, despite the court order now in place when he took me to court..and only got an extra 3 hours a fortnight... AND considering he doesn't pay a penny towards their living costs AND considering he moved 50 miles away without considering the implications of travel time on his contact time......
Any comments and advise welcome!!!
Personally, if there was a court order in place, that he asked for, and the children are happy and settled, I wouldn't agree to it.
However, if the children were asking for extra time, that might put a different view point to things....
Hi Louise and sparklinglime,
The girls are 5 and 7. They were seeing their Dad every other weekend from Friday after school to Monday drop to school up until Christmas, when the new terms of the contact order kicked in and he now sees them every other Wednesday from end of school til 6pm. Not the massive increase of hours that He was expecting. He stropped, played along with it, has let me down twice on a Weds by not picking the kids up, moved 50 miles away without telling me and now, 6 months on, wants the kids to stay the Wednesday night because the 100 mile round trip clearly doesn't seem worth it for 2.5 hours......
The girls are always unsettled when they come home on a Monday but settle down after a couple of late nights and comforting. I will not agree to the Weds night as it will be extremely unsettling for them considering their reaction when they come home after a weekend AND I can't see them getting to school on time nor sleeping wekk either side of the Weds night. He has now vowed to 'take action' to see them more. It's a stupid threat but you always wonder what he may have in his mind. There has been no history of violence, by the way.
Views and comments welcome....
My lot used to be unsettled coming back after their weekends away too...
Personally, I don't think this can be an option during term time as they'll be so tired from the trip. How would you feel about during the holidays? I'm not suggesting you do this, but just wondered how you feel... I used to struggle to get my ex to see the children on the times he agreed (never went through court) and he never asked for extra, even though I know my lot would have liked to have seen more of him.
Whoops, double clicked, double posted
Hi sarahb34, i can't see that a court would grant him any more hours than he already has if this was the route that he were to take, as sparkling has already said it would be to much travelling for them during the week.
One thing to take into consideration is that if he were to have the girls an extra night he would be classed as the parent with majority care and therefore entitiled to claim for any benefits that your girls are entitled too, which can also mean that he could then claim maintenance from you for your girls.
Hi there,
Thanks for your comments... He has them every other week during the school holidays (3/6), or at least did last year and the court decided that that should be carried on with - he originally only wanted them for a fortnight and then to palm them off after that, but the precident was set the previous year.
He also has them for an extra night at half term, extra 3 nights at Christmas and 3 nights at Easter on top of his every other weekend. And all that was agreed before the court order...he decided it wasn't enough which is why he took me to court. All of that comes in at under the magic 107 nights a year; not that that makes a difference to the maintenance he pays because he doesn't pay any!!
After ranting about 'only bad dads' being taken to the CSA last September, he has not paid since April this year as he's been told he 'doesn't have to' by the CSA as he lives off his partner since moving away.
All-round Scumbag.
I understand the maintenance thing too...
Personally, I think "ignore" is appropriate, perhaps...
Yes, if it is alternate weekends rather than every weekend then he would not have majority care.
I agree with Sally, it seems really unlikely that a court would give him more time and they are very small to be doing that round trip midweek. If his aim really IS to spne more time with the girls, he would be looking at other things that might fit round them such as after school on other days.
Sitting tight sounds a good option 
Thank you guys, it always helps to hear others' opinions about these things - sometimes I doubt myself and start to wonder if I am actually as 'heartless ****' or 'bitter and twisted' as I've been branded...but I know I'm not!!!
It's ok. I'm bitter and twisted too... 
me three xx
Hi Sarahb34,
I went through a "bitter and twisted" battle last Christmas with my ex over additional time he wanted to have my son over and after numerous visits to the solicitor ( very expensive ) the clear message was the court will only be interested in what is best for the child. As much as we know that we do it all with little or no financial help, if they do award the extra time just monitor the effects on your kids and if you believe it has a detrimental effect on them then you will have grounds to revert to plan A. I know what I am going to say his hard but bear with me...Sarah try it.. if it does not work then you have the proof ! in which case no one can say your bitter and twisted. Trust me it does get better and before you know it they will be saying "When " and "How long " they spend at dad's. I feel your angst... but when i started to let go and let him "muck up " only then he could see that he could not manage and the demands became less and less. Of course from time to time he likes to flex his "parenting muscles " at me and i would never agree to anything that would impact the welfare of my son.. and so now i dont say no straight away but offer an alternative and the problem goes away. It is hard to compromise with someone you hate .. I know... but this is not about me its about my son. I never wanted my son to say to me one day when he is older that I never let him see his dad... now i can hold my head up and if the day comes when my son realises that his dad is a pointless individual he would have come to that concluison based on his own thought processes and not the endless arguing that used to happen. Good luck and get yourself back in the driving seat.. you can do it
Your ex can seek a variation to the current order after a period of 3 months, should he do it before then he has little chance of success. To validate a contact increase the current contact must be productive, reliable. The current quantum of contact (average) is one night in the week say 4 -6 and alternate weekends Friday to sun or Monday subject to the children’s education needs. The issue of travel time is often calculated into contact orders. The objection to any increase would be one of stability, regular routine. But if your children seek additional contact on occasion that “flexibility” to contact – pick up or return late, additional contact agreed between the parents. I hope this clarity helps.
You should always seek indipendent legal advice and ask them to consider any information or suggestions that you may have recieved.
Thanks for your input, just want to be sure you are aware of our Forum Rules. I have gone into these more with you in your introductory post.
Hi sarah
Moved this to a new thread so we can discuss things properly
It sounds as if you were surprised to say the least, to receive this request.
How old are your children and how much do they see their dad now?