I have a 6 month old daughter- I put my hands up and admit I havnt been the best dad or boyfriend in the past, I cheated on her mum while she was pregnant & went out with mates every nigjt so she broke up with me, I see my daughter every few weeks in the afternoon as I don't live local to her but when ever I visit she crys nonstop for her mum, I understand she doesn't really know me but I feel rejected , her crying gets so bad that her mother has to take her off me to settle her, I take her for walks alone and play with her but she just looks for her mum nonstop and smiles at her in a totally different way she does for me (her smile for mum is massive) I feel like a stranger to her! Her mum won't let me have her over night as I'm not very good with her (due to my own fault & constant mistakes so I'm not trusted) my daughter will not even take food from me- her mother shows me what to do but I find it hard to accept or listen to her help as she's my daughter and feel I don't need any1 to show me - why doesnt my own child want me???
Hi
So hard for you, but I'm glad that you do get to spend some time with her.
She is very young though to start thinking of having her overnight at the moment.
I hope you will be able to fit in more visits so she does get to know you better, and as Louise says, as she gets a bit older thing will be so different.
I'm with Louise on the baby thing. I had four children, and it was only because my Mum had died by the time I had the youngest that I finally gave a baby a bath on my own...
Don't be so hard on you. It's great you are there as much as you can be. Parenting is a massive learning curve - and it never ends. I do hope that you're able to continue with a reasonable relationship with your daughter's Mum, as it makes such a different with things for your daughter.
My daughter mum & I don't argue , we hardly speak unless it's about the baby which I can understand on her half- I wouldn't like me either after all I did, sadly it's not possible for me to see her more often, I had the chance but didn't show up at start of our daughters life, as I said before I keep making mistakes and don't realise until it's to late- I guess that's life really- I just feel like her mum shouldn't show me what to do as she's my daughter aswell but she crys nonstop for her mum, it prob sounds silly and childish of me but can my daughter sense I have let her dwn and that I'm not comfitable with holding her etc
I shouldn't think so, Footie, but do try what I have suggested in my post above 
I will do but I know her mother will say NO as it's my fault in the past that I haven't bothered turning up- I think they are both better off without me as I cant change my ways
Welcome footie13, hope u have found this site useful as I have- your situation sounds like mine- it's only natural for your baby to want "mummy" on your visits if they are always together- my little one also crys for me on her dads visits but he doesn't pay her attention where it sounds like at least you are making an effort, keep trying and show them both u can change, if u just give up they will both end up hating you- I can't blame the mother for not wanting to talk to you from what u have said but as long as you are not arguing then it's ok- realistically you only both really need to talk about your daughter as that's what your there for, if she doesn't want small chit chat (as nice as it is) then u have to accept that- as for not turning up for visits No one will take your role as a father serious- keep putting in the time and things should pick up. Best of luck
Hi footie13, I agree with what everyone has said and please do not think that they are better off without you. This is a cop out that too many fathers use.
Parenting is tough, not just when they are babies, but even when they are 10, 18 and probably 35 too.
If you are devoted to your daughter as your messages sound like you are. Stick with it. Your ex will see that in the long run and will appreciate you and your efforts, regardless of previous behaviour. We all are capable of changing and our relationships with the other parent change too as our children grow.
Your daughter is still sooo young and her behaviour is understandable so don't take it personally, just you wait til she is walking and talking, this will be a great time for you two to play and chat and build on what you have.
I went to a conference recently and some absent fathers had recorded themselves reading books onto a CD and then the mum can play the CD to your baby. This means that your voice is part of her life on a daily basis and becomes ingrained in her being. Do you think her mum would be willing to do this? Perhaps when she puts her to bed?
I also wonder whether next time she is crying, you could sing to her or keep trying to calm her down and so she knows she is safe rather than passing her back to mum, this will grow your bond. She doesn't hate you (she doesn't know what hate is) and I don't believe she can sense that you have let her down. However I do think that she can probably sense that you are uncomfortable holding her. This is something that you need to overcome. It will come, trust yourself, you could imagine that you are holding a baby you!! It's horrible when they scream and cry, but even if you had her full time, you would still be dealing with this, its what babies do!
Her mother won't agree to any photos or recording yet which I understand at the moment given I haven't turned up to past visits- maybe in time... I do sing to her and rock her but she gets so destressed she starts to struggle with breathing so leaving her destressed isnt fair on her, I'm not using this as an excuse but if u was there u would understand what I mean- Her mother showed me how to handle her to get her to sleep but I went against her advice and did the opposite , stupid I know but as I said I'm finding it hard to accept advice when it comes to my own daughter- I know it's a problem I need to solve but I can't and my friends don't even know myself and her mother are not together as I'm ashamed of myself, I lie and say I'm a wonderful dad & we live apart due to her mother doing a course in London- how can I admit that I turned my back on my gf and then unborn baby , I'm a very confident person and try act my big b***s to my baby's mum but inside I'm ashamed of myself
hello footie
you've got the rest of your life to build up a healthy relationship with you daughter so don't sweat over the small stuff.. as babies my children did'nt want their dad to sooth them even though we were living together, its not you, the baby or your ex, its just parenting!.. theres two women in your life now that will love you uncondionally, your mum and now your daughter.. wait till she's toddling and stuck to your hip sucking an ice lolly, be prepared for a smack in the face with it!!..
Hi footie13 you mention here that you try and act your big balls to your daughters mother when actually inside you are ashamed of yourself.
I wonder if you could get over yourself. People like honesty, your ex can see you trying to puff your chest out and be the big 'I am', but it doesn't fool her.
Why not face reality and the truth, put yourself in her shoes, lay yourself open and be honest. Be straight with her. Tell her you are really ashamed of your behaviour, you love your daughter, you have been acting like a fool, you are very confused and in a lot of pain regarding your previous mistakes. You know that the relationship is over but you want to do right by your daughter and any help she can give you would appreciate.
Then let it be. If she tells you what to do in regards to your daughter - do it. The only way to earn forgiveness is to be regretful, not full of yourself.
It takes a bigger man to be honest, apologise and be humble than putting on bravado.
I'm with Anna here.
Listening is a really good skill. She does seem to be doing her bit here in helping you build a relationship with your daughter.
Admitting to her that you know you let her down and accept that all is over would perhaps help a little. She'll still be learning how to deal with the baby.
My eldest is 20 and I still don't get this parenting lark!
Footie13!
Hang on in there and keep doing your best, as she gets older your relationship with her will develope. Your X is with here all the time and that is why she has a closer relationship with her. As she gets older she will come round if you have always been there in the background : )
At the moment she is a little baby and all her needs are catered for by her mother, food, warmth comfort and such. As she developes she will start to broaden her horrizones and if you are there and have been and are familiar then your relationship with her will develope.
It will get better so don't get disheartened.
: )
Hi Footie13
I understand you are sad about what is happening with your daughter. You say that you are seeing her "every few weeks". I know this is because you do not live nearby but your daughter is only six months old and in an ideal world I would say you need to have some time with her about three times a week so you become familiar to her. She is tiny, her memory is tiny and all she knows on a day to day basis is her mum.
If it is absolutely impossible (because of location) then sadly you will need to accept that when you visit, your daughter will basically be with her mum and you will be alongside her, and as she gets a little older she will remember you between visits but you need to be patient. It makes sense for you not to have her overnight until she feels comfortable with you.....imagine if she cried all night, what would you do? that would be awful for both of you.
As for knowing what to do, if you have never been around small children then it is not surprising, personally I do not think these things come instincitvely. I was at a total loss when I had my own babies: someone had to show me how to bath them, I read a book about nappy changing, and I really felt stupid, I sort of thought "why don't I know how to do these things automatically?" So don't be offended if your daughter's mum tries to show you what to do....one REALLY POSITIVE thing you can do for your daughter is to have a decent relationship with her mum....if the two of you argue when you go over, your daughter will learn to associate you with raised voices and feeling scared, rather than "hooray, daddy is here", which is what you want to achieve in the long term.
If you can get a reasonable relationship going with her mum, you can get her to show your daughter a photo every day and say daddy, and this can progress to a little video of you on her phone etc....and then when you go this can be played and you can say that is me and show your daughter....just an idea!