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Just to answer a few questions from when I introduced myself. Well tiredmum my son that has Aspergers and ADD attends mainstream. Louise I have my mum to talk too but she is very old fashioned and doesn't believe in Aspergers, she just thinks its bad parenting and that I have spoilt them. She calls my kids 'Bratz'. With copying Anna, well I'm still trying!!
Things are alittle complicated, I have a brother.......we don't talk anymore.. Get very upset with things.
Thanks Lousie for your reply. Guess you right, I don't have any one to talk too about my worries. Not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing thou. I find it hard when I start to talk, I get upset, even feel I have failed my children. I have attend Parklands course on Autism which I found very useful and have used some of the information to help us. I have read so many books, last two that I have just finished FREEKS, GEEKS and ASPERGERS and OUT OF SYNC CHILD. Very scary to think that this relates to us.........my son........I just want to cry.
Hi Eyes600. Where your Mum is concerned, could you not present her with some stuff to read on Aspergers, so she can perhaps read up on it, and help her to understand that it isn't bad parenting. I hope in time the site will help you, just by coming on here, ranting, raving, or whatever else. You've always got us to support you. Far from failing your children, you are reading up on all sorts of stuff in order to help you, so in my book that makes you a great parent. Take care. xx What are you up to today?
Yes, it is scary, is is easier in one respect NOT to have the information. BUT knowledge is power and the more you understand about your son's condition.
You have NOT failed your children, it is very hard work to be a parent, especially a single parent. Did you have a look at that website I gave you the link for?
You have not failed your children in anyway. I feel that living with aspurger's is the only way to understand it.
My MiL thinks my fifteen year old is "better". She sees him for a couple of hours most weeks, and he is usually ok. Having said that he will go and park himself at his grandad's laptop.
Having a child is challenging enough, but one with aspurger's can add a new dimension! At least I think it can when I listen to my fifteen year old having a tantrum or wailing in despair. Yet, he can be the sweetest most helpful lad ever...
Thanks for the comments. I have tried hazeleyes, with the information for my mum. I have even taken her to a few of the Autism meetings. She laughs and shakes her head about it. Its a dead end there, gotta face it I guess. All my mum, and I love my mum to bits so don't get me wrong, all she goes on about is my brother and his family of problems, I haven't got any according to her.
I loooked up the website louise, and yes very informative, thanks.
Well maybe she would only understand and accept it from a health professional, Eyes600. so worth taking her to any medical appointments and in the interim you will have to accept that there is limited support there. Have you made friends with any of the other families at the group?
Hello Eyes600. Oh well, you've tried I guess. Like Louise says, maybe she'll only accept it from a health professional. Perhaps if your brother is having family problems, she is seeing more of the troubles with him, if he doesn't appear to be coping as well as you? I know you have a vast amount going on, but what I mean is, maybe you handle things differently to him.
Well I did take her with me to see Dr. Higgs hazeleyes, but she interupted the session and even told the doctor it was all nonsence.
So I tend not to talk about my son's appointments or anything to do with his Autism now. I guess, I do cope, I have too! No one else is going to help me deal with it all.
I have to listen to her nearly every day going on about them it does my head in, and today she told me that my neice has invited all the family around for a BBQ tomorrow but me and my kids are not invited! But she asked me to take her there as it is my duty as her daughter! Honestly am I a mug? I thought to myself, I just said that I didn't have enough petrol in my car, which didn't go down very well, she left in a mood. I can't do nothing right.. I'm well depressed all the time now. Still I guess there are people alot worse than me, so must be thankful, if only for having my wonderful children I love very, very much. Soz rant over.. Cuppa now..
Hello Eyes600
Sorry to hear you are having such a negative reaction from your mum. How would you feel about having her in your life a bit less, so that there is less chance for these remarks? I think that was a good idea about the petrol, you are not a taxi service, especially when your family has been left out of the invite!
So what are you planning over the next couple of days? Are you having your own BBQ? Or a picnic, or an outing to the park?
I'm with Louise, and think your own bbq would be lovely.
She may be your Mum, but you don't need the negative comments. Each day is hard enough and that's with positive people around you!
Hope you're ok.
Hi, thanks for the replys. My mum comes to mine nearly every days so its abit hard to see her less often, and if I not in she rings me asking where I am.
I did do a BBQ for my kids today, the weather was fab and I didn't burn the burgers this time! I half expected my mum to turn up, but she was a now show, prob still got the hump over what I said.
Kids had a good day today too, my three were actually playing together in the pool without any hiccups.
I would like to say HAPPY EASTER to everyone on here in case I don't get time tomorrow.
Eyes600, it sounds like you had a lovely day. It makes such a difference when the children get on!
I hope you have another good day today.
Hello Eyes600, well done for doing your own BBQ. As for your mum, I suppose you will either have to tackle her assertively or just put up with it if you are not prepared to do that
I feel sad, though, that you are not getting the support that would help you. Is it still nice weather there? Hope you have another good day 
Hi Eyes600
Someone posted this link on Facebook the other day, I thought it was really interesting:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4XMlhCfp3Q
Does your son use a computer? I had a root around You Tube, there is lots of interesting stuff there on this matter, have you had a look?
Thanks Anna,
I gotta say I did shed a few tears when I watched this. I don't use my laptop much really, mainly for Emails and Google. I get alot of my info from Books. That clip makes total sence to me, like the book Freeks, Geeks and Aspergers.
My middle son has had a bad few days and after looking at that clip you suddenly realise the whole reality of things. I know I'm blessed. Sometimes I wish his father were still here, maybe he would be better than he is, maybe we would all be better. But you have to do the best with what you have I guess.
I tried to talk to my mum again today, we had a BBQ and I invited her round. The chat about my middle boy with his issues didn't go down well. She said she'd look after him for a week but wouldn't give him any medication and prove me and the medical people wrong! I then explain what happened on Wednesday evening, about how he had one of his moments and kept punching the door. (Which he smashed, and badly brused his hand).
Still the tablets are to blam she said. And came back to me with I had no regard for her today as it is the anniversery of my fathers passing. I tried not to bring it up as I didn't want to upset her, and explained that is the whole reason behind the BBQ and her coming round, but she just didn't see it.
Oh well. Hope every one else has had a good day.
Hi eyes600, I have read your posts and I think you are doing a wonderful job not only with your son but also coping with your mum, big hug for you from me xxx
Hi Eyes600
Glad that the clip helped. People do not understand unless they have been in that situation.
As for your mum, you did your best, and that is all that anyone can do. Are you involved in any local support groups? Just thinking it would be good for you to have someone to talk to about stuff
I really don't see what you can do that's different.
xx
Hi Eyes600, our parents are sent to try us!! 
I am glad you liked the link, I thought it was interesting when she was saying that there are just so many images to deal with, that sometimes you want to just block them out. I wonder if your son punching the door was him just focussing on one thing?
Do you think your son could use the laptop to express how he was feeling?
Hi,
I got my son to watch the clip with me!!! His responce wasn't what I expected..well I don't know what I expected actually. He said: "She can't talk but understands.. I can talk but don't understand."
I cried.. and he just looked at me.
My son used to have a laptop, and he expressed himself all too well one day and it went flying at the wall.. He does have a desktop now, but I buy keyboards quite alot!
I know how he is effected by what goes on around him and do try to let him have his 'moment' but it is hard.
Are there any mums or dads on here that have similar issues with their children? Any info would be greatly appreciated.
Thats interesting Eyes600 what he said. Does he like to read? I wonder if there are books by authors who have grown up with similar issues?
Do you know the book The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time? I thought this was brilliant and if your son reads, perhaps you can talk about it together?
Also have you heard of the website Adders? They have a list of support groups around the country here. It looks really good with reward certificates, games page, poems and forums which you may find useful.
I hope that you have a good look around it, then please come back and tell us what you think of it, whether it is a good place to find information and/or support. :)
I have The Curious Incident fo the Dog in the Night Time. My mother-in-law bought it for me. My son won't read it though, as he 'doesn't do fiction'!
Anna thanks for recommending that book, I read it a few years ago and it was brilliant, I am sure it could be of help to parents and young people in prompting discussion and giving some reassurance too
Anna thanks for recommending that book, I read it a few years ago and it was brilliant, I am sure it could be of help to parents and young people in prompting discussion and giving some reassurance too
Thanks Anna,
funny you say about that book. If was mentioned in the Autism group I attended at Parklands. I will have to get myself a copy.
My son doesn't read very well he has Dylexsia as well. I do read to him thou. He is having a hard time this week as it is SATS week at his school and today is his English writing! He was having some issues this morning about it.
I haven't heard of Adders, but will look up the website, thank you.
Hi Eyes600
SATS at the best of times are hard going on the children, your poor boy must be finding it really tough and quite nerve wracking.
If he likes you reading to him, it could be lovely to share the book together, I also wondered whether you could record yourself reading it and he could listen at his leisure? Would he like that?
Good luck with the Adders site :)
Hi Eyes600
I have just been watching this young man and I thought of you xxx
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXX36yrRZjU
It made me cry just watching how focused he was and how his dancing has enabled him to overcome other difficulties, very inspiring xxx
I do hope you are ok and your weekend is going well
This is a good film, it's about a man with Asberger Syndrome and his friendship with a young girl through letters who later grows up to become a writer. It's supposedly loosly based on a true story, around a pen pall the writter had.
Well, this month has been full of alsorts and not the yummy liquorish kind.
Sats for my two younger and GCSE's started for my older boy. Disagreements with mum. And told that my bad back is now Spinal OA.
I know my life is not as hard as some. But when it effects you and yours, well you know what I mean.
Hope everyone on here has been ok. Well its half term and just found some time to do abit of work on the laptop, you know bills etc., Well anyhow hi everyone, prob log on again later. :)
Hello Eyes600
Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, is there anything that can be done to help?
How is halfterm going? Got to hope for some decent weather, I guess.
Hi Eyes600, I bet you are glad it is half term, SATS are over and just a couple more weeks of GCSE's.
Sorry to hear that the disagreements with your mum are still ongoing, have you been able to put a little distance between you?
Been alot going on since I last posted and have been so busy trying to deal with everything. Things with my mum like a rollar coaster still. I say something she don't like, up she gets and walks off all moody.
She recently found out my daughter is having counselling, which she has been since end of May. The way she found out wasn't a very nice way, I would have told her about it but she would have tried to stop it. I had to drop my oldest boys to the swimming pool and left my mum at mine drinking her tea, when I got back I was bombared with questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why this why that, she doesn't need it shes a spoilt brat thats all thats wrong with her. errrrrrrrrrrrrr I didn't say anything about it and tried to mention a few things that I had told her about, she conviently couldn't remember anything and got up and went. I went to see her out but I was ignored. Why is doing what I think right for my kids always wrong to my mum.
Hello eyes600
Sorry to hear that things are still not good with your mum. It is a bit of a Catch22 isn't it? if she did not spend so much time with you then you could "distance" yourself a bit from her criticism but it seems she wants to be involved.....and then to criticise. You have enough to cope with, without this additional hassle.
Sorry to say this but the potential solution lies in your hands, you either lay down the law and tell her that she has to stop criticising otherwise you will cut her out of your lives......or you put up with what is happening, and I guess it is a case of you choosing which is the least worst option. How would you feel about having some counselling yourself re your relationship with her?
Hi Louise,
Thanks for the wise words. I know this but I can't.
I was offered couselling when my husband had his stroke and even then my mum intervened. Then after he died I was offered it again but I couldn't take the hassle from my mum on top of my world falling apart. So I said NO. Big mistake..Huge..as it will be 6 years this November he has gone and I still can't close the book on it.
Bless you, I am not surprised. It doesn't just go away. You can still go and see someone. Why does your mum have to know? Go and ask at your GPs 
I agree with Louise Eyes600, only you and you alone can change this situation.
And something needs to change.
If you went to counselling you would find a new strength to deal with your mum and hopefully deal with the death of your husband.
Why do you say that you can't slow down your relationship with your mum? Is it because you don't want to hurt her? Because you need her for babysitting? Financial support?
Thanks for the replies. Anna, my mum does not babysit for me nor give me financial support. If anything its the other way round.I help her alot, well she is my mum. I take her out with us when we go the soo's, swimming, museums and for a meal. And your are correct in that I don't want to hurt her. When my mum asks to look after my daughter for the afternoon to help her in her garden, I even have to make my daughter a packed lunch to take with her. So, no to the financial support Anna.
Eyes600, I really feel for you about not being able to find closure about your husband's death. I, too, rejected counselling when my husband died (3 years ago), but for opposite reasons to you - I had tons of support from friends and my mum, although abroad, is only a phonecall away.
I don't want to sound harsh, but you need to look after yourself before you can look after your mother or anyone else. And if you are wearing yourself out trying to keep the peace with everyone at any cost, you are going to go downhill even more and then you won't be able to do anything anymore. Please tell your mum enough is enough. Maybe you could write her a letter explaining how she is making you feel?
You've had a lot to cope with and you have been doing a brilliant job with it, so don't let anyone tell you any different!
Hugs your way... xx
Hopeful is absolutely right, if you don't look after yourself first, you could be heading for a breakdown.
Your mum needs to respect and value your time and the love and support you give to her.
By not always being there, she will learn to do this.
You have to make a decision to change this situation, I am not saying cut her out of your life, but decide you will only see her once or twice a week and speak only once as well.
Your immediate family needs you.
Hello Eyes600
So from what you are saying, it is hard to find someone to talk to who will take it all seriously. I am sorry your mum is not helpful to you. Apergers is a recognised medical condition but maybe not one that was fully diagnosed when she was bringing up her children.
It is great that your son is in mainstream school, is there any help and support there?
Have you seen this website about support for parents of children with Asperger's?