hello everyone
Im claire a single mum to one beautiful girl who is five. I have lived on my own with her since she was 2 and a half. I am finding things so so tough. Being her friend her mum her teacher everything all on my own I cant handle it anymore. Sitting having breakfast just us two doing the school run to coming home just us two. Then every night on my own. I work pt at a pub and she goes to her dad one night a week when I work. I cant handle not having anyone there and a real purpose anymore, yes I know im a mum and have the greatest gift on earth a child but just dont feel that is enough. Just feel so low all the time. I just hope im not the only one who gets like this and that there is some kind of hope. sorry to be depressing guys x
thats so strange exactly the same as my daughters dad its so tough isnt it. I dont so much want my life back as had my daughter at 20 so kind of all I know I just want to have a life where im happy 
x
Hi
It's good to see you here, and although this my be 'just' another lone parent site, it can offer some good company and a place to turn - even if it is virtual.
My lot are getting on a bit now, and there are still days when I feel like that - feel that way at the mo - but this is where I come and know someone is there for me.
In theory, I should be able to go out now as my youngest is 12, but it doesn't seem to be happening!
Sometimes I think we take the good days for granted then a bad day comes along and clouds things again.
Like that lovely sunshine last week - and yesterday it rained. It's almost as if we didn't have that lovely sunshine.
Yeah its not easy in more ways than one as trying to move on with my life jsut as he is with his but yet most days hes sat round my house. I was 23 when I had my son as a rather unplanned surprise, don't get me wrong I love him to bits I just wish that things were shared more fairly. We all have a right to feel happy
We do?
Hmmm... I think my ex wouldn't quite agree with that... 
Not sure my ex would either to be honest but ive learnt the hard way not to let what he thinks get me down
Absolutely.
I call mine The Git and Gittess as he's remarried. Never in front of the children though...
Dear claireh25 and zippy
I am sorry to read that you are really feeling the strain at the moment, yes it is tough and having an ex on the scene who doesn't really contribute to your life is added pressure.
It is important to keep seeking out the positives. You are healthy, as are your children, you love them and you have a roof over their heads and your own and you are paying all your bills (this is all a presumption, sorry if I am wrong)
This is what I would say to myself when my daughter was small. I had mine when I was just 22, I yearned for my freedom, to be out partying, to have money to spend on myself and come and go as I pleased, however this isn't the case, so we have to knuckle down and get on with it.
What could you do to make things better? It is important to find some 'me' time, whether it is going out with friends, having a supper party at home, or finding some volunteering work.The last one worked best for me, it meant that I had some adult conversation and got out of the house for a while.
It sounds as though you both need to put some boundaries in place regarding your ex's. What time do you want them to see their children? Where? Can they contact you whilst they have the children? Or only for emergencies?
Single parenthood is a struggle, I found so for a long time, I yearned for another life, but we have to find ways of making the most of what we have. I didn't really connect with my daughter until I started making plans for 'our' life, regardless of ex.
I promise you that it can get better, but you have to move from one train of thought to another. YOU are in control of YOUR life, not anyone else, so YOU have to make some changes.
Would you consider saving up for a holiday next year, just for you and your little one?
Hi Anna
I know exactly where your coming from and I do try and focus on the positives although its been quite hard this year as so much has gone wrong, really thought things were on the up until I got rather a shock healthwise this morning.
Money wise I seem to manage fairly well and make sure I save bits when I can towards going on holiday and towards presents for peoples birthdays and christmas. I went away this year with my little boy but it was a bit of an odd holiday as spent part of the week with family and part with a recent ex's parents which was very strange. Hoping to sort a holiday for next year that will be just the 2 of us.
Really need to try and find some me time i go out most thursday evenings just for a coupld of hours and i really enjoy it other than that though its not very often i get out although i was quite pleased with a comment thrown out in a arguement this morning when l's dad said he'd go to a solicitor to sort out having him every other weekend this would suit me but he's said it before in the heat of the moment but never stuck to it. Going to speak to him about it though next time we get 10 mins without l in hearing.
I do work so I do get some adult conversation but as a nursery nurse its more gooo gooo gaga than anything else lol
Hello zippy
Sorrry to hear about the health problem, sometimes these things can feel like a sideswipe 
It's great that you try to be positive about what is going on for you, and I know it is hard. For me, what motivated me was that saying "the best revenge is to live well" in other words, I was NOT going to be beaten and I was NOT going to have a rubbish life, whatever people did to me, I was going to go forward and show them all!
The thing about your child's father being at the house a lot, now that would bother me and I would recommend you try to sort that out pronto. As you say, it is hard to move on with your life when he is still sat there! Anyway I hope you soon find some opportunities for "me" time, it's invaluable when you are working so hard 
Hi Louise
Thanks for your support. I am going to speak to l's dad as soon as I can about him not being around so much at mine. He does babysit for me on a Thursday which I want him to continue so don't want him to get the wrong idea and say he's no longer prepared to do that for me
Hi zippy
It sounds as though you are doing all that you can at the moment and doing it well!
I think you have to be firm but fair with your ex. You can mention that he said he was talking about solicitors and that you have come up with a plan that you would like to discuss with him. (Be prepared for a little compromise here)
Think about what you are really happy with.
Definately Thursdays, what about weekends? What about other week nights? Would you consider him having your son at his?
You could say that you think it is important that your son gets to know his dad's lifestyle and you feel they need to bond somewhere other than at home?
Hi anna as far as i'm concerned as long as l is ok with it his dad can have him pretty much whenever as long as he his got to school on time as his dad lives further away from school. i'm happy for him to babysit at mine on a thursday or take him to his and for him to have him every other weekend and if he wanted him any other time i'd be prepared to talk it through just as long as once he'd said it it was stuck to and not changed constantly at the last min as he has a habit of doing
Ah well, maybe with a bit of luck things might move in the direction you want?
Yeah Louise I hope so.
Hi Claire how are you feeling now?
Hi claire,no dont worry you are not the only one as you can tell by all the messages youve had,i get like that too and your rite its the greatest gift being mums to our kids but its hard! it dosent come with a manual i wish sometimes it did lol,least your daughter sees her dad just gives you bit of time on your own,and its good you have got a part time job 2 you should be proud of yourself,hope you and your daughter are both well.
Hi all,
I've approached the subject with l's dad about him having him every other weekend in theory he has agreed but has got to sort it with work and then threw into the conversation that after christmas it may have to change as he's hoping to move in with his girlfriend so won't be quite as close anymore.
I went away this last weekend which was frowned upon big style by my Dad who just doesn't seem to understand any of whats going on his opinion is that they (my parents) never went away and left us so i shouldn't leave l with family and go away. Even though I had a great time away and really managed to let my hair down it made me feel bad for doing so. Meant to be going again in a couple of weeks as l is away with his dad but not sure now
Hi zippy
That's great that contact may become more established. As for weekends away, as long as your child is well cared for then why not? Heck, we as single parents have enough on our plate and it is good to get a break, your dad has maybe never had sole charge of a small child and therefore doesn't understand, my dad was the same after my divorce, and my mum said to him "She is 39, do you expect her to stay at home knitting bootees?"
Hi Claire I have no answer to this I'm affraid but I can assure you that your not alone, I often feel like this, just recently I've even kind of thought I wish I'd never had my son. I hate the fact its just the two of us and that I can't turn off just for a few hours. My ex never seems to have our son on his own but nearly always at my house or if he does have him on his own he constantly rings to tell me he is being naughty or what they are doing or this has happened and what should he do. Its doing my head in I just want my life back x