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Hi
I'm new here but I'm having real issues with my ex.
He left me and my two teenage sons 1 1/2 years ago and we have been through alot. Selling the house (to pay his debts!), one son had a major operation and my father dying of cancer.
Throughout it all he has kept communication to an absolute minimum and I had to take him to mediation in order to get support sorted for the boys, get him off bank accounts and to sign any documents. I even had to set up via mediation a method of whereby he would talk to me about up and coming issues with the children. All of which he has done his best ti ignore. I have tried my best to keep open channels, although I do get angry with him. Mainly over money and his perpetual breaking of promises.
He does behave in an astonishing manner. Example - last May my son was having major spinal surgery and would be off school for 6 weeks. My work would not give me time off, all at my managers discretion. I asked him to at least take a week off to help out (after all, who wouldn't?) which he promised to do and then refused. My guess is that he hadn't booked it but he then made great play of his employer being very flexible but only came round once or twice a week. These were his days off anyway so he made no effort to use his workplace flexibility.
This is certainly a pattern, promises and then retracts. However, he now has absolutely no contact with me. Only get messages via the children. I do all the physio outpatients, he does nothing. He now has a full time job but refuses to pay extra support.
I am aware that I am, and always have, been wrestling with jelly but any tips would be very useful.
Hi
I hope your son is recovering well. You've had to deal with so much.
I agree with happy mamma, and just stop trying.
I stopped trying with my ex, and after a while it is actually quite liberating, as you no longer have to "worry" about doing the right thing.
I too am shocked at your employers! Are they aware that you are now on your own with the children?
Hi Soosiep and welcome to One Space, I am sorry to hear how unsupportive your ex has been especially through the difficult times you have faced.
It sounds as though you have tried to communicate with the boys father and of course having 2 parents being supportive and loving regardless of whether they are together or not is best for the boys, but there does come a time when enough is enough, it is not your responsibility to make him see the boys, to take responsibility, all we can do is to aid him with access as he wishes.
Have you contacted the CSA? If he is earning money then your son's are entitled to receive that. Do visit the CMOptions website, to get more information.
It is not fair that the boys have to be responsibility for communication between you, what sort of things are being communicated this way?
Hi Soosiep
I would stop making any effort with him. Let him do the running if you can. Sounds like you have enough to deal with without wrestling the jelly.
If you have everything signed and sorted and you stop what you are doing he will either disappear for good or make the effort.
I hope your son is ok after his op - im shocked your employer would let you take the time off there is a law for parents with children and time off. I only know about it as a few years ago my son was ill and i had a bit of unpaid time off and they tried to give me a written warning about it and they had to retract it.
HM x