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My ex husband is really annoying me right now. Not only has he accused me of not looking after our daughter by not washing her and putting her in clothes that fit, he has put in a claim for child benefit and now after 6 weeks of it being stopped its still carrying on with them making a decision!
What is annoying me mostly at the mo is that every time our daughter stays with him (Wed pm to Sat pm) he doesnt give her her inhalers and says "she doesnt really need them anymore"! and he's got a cheek to say I don't look after her.
He has already needed to rush her into hospital Nov 2011 cos of her struggling for breath. You'd think that would be a wake up call.
What can I do without us causing an argument again.
Any help please!!!
PS. I really do hope I get the child benefit but think I will cos I have her 4 nights and he has her 3 but I wish it didn't have to take so long.
Good idea, Sally, they might even put that in writing for him and you could keep a copy, lcs2008.
Try to rise above the others things re clothes etc, by getting your CB stopped ironically you have even LESS money for things like clothes!
Hoping this will soon be resolved for you....
Thank you for your comments Louise and Sally W. I have contacted the child benefit office but as usual they don't have any sympathy for the lack of money and that it could take up to 12 weeks!! Its been 6 weeks already - why does it have to take so long. Its so frustrating. With regard to the asthma I went to the clinic recently and they cant do a letter from the doctor to say she needs them and the nurse was shocked that he thought she didnt need them anymore. My daughter has viral induced ashtma so the nurse said reduce the inhalers in the summer to see how she gets on but she agrees you can't just stop them.
I am also wondering if my ex has put forward to the child benefit office that I get all the benefits. My ex knows I can't survive without my benefits but wondering how it would work if I got the tax credits and he got the child benefit or vice versa. I pay for the whole childcare which is £60/week and the childcare element of my tax credits is £27.66/week and we share our daughter. How does that work?
I just think my ex has really made me angry by doing this and want to do something to get my own back, but I know that would only prolong the acidity between us and I would be just as bad as he is. I refuse for him to come to my door anymore when he brings our daughter back because of this.
Hi lcs2008, welcome from me too! I think it is brilliant that you have come on here and had a rant rather than get your own back on him by doing something daft that may have a long term effect. Good for you!
Just so you know, whoever claims the Child Benefit will get the Tax Credit unless there is a mutual agreement between the parents.
I am wondering why the asthma clinic won't get a letter from the doctor, the nurse obviously believes that your daughter still needs it, would you consider talking to the doctor yourself?
It is always good for our children if they can have a positive relationship with both parents and it sounds as though you have arranged shared care well, however I am wondering if your relationship since you split with your ex always been this fraught? How does your daughter enjoy this arrangement?
Hi lcs2008
Its an ex thing trying to put you down as a parent? They cant hurt you any other way so they use the children.
I was going to ask how your daughter likes the arrangement but anna beat me to it, but how do you cope with it? My son used to go 1 night a week but that soon stopped and there has been no contact for over 4 yrs even though he lives round the corner les than a 5 minute walk - 30 seconds in the car)
I hope the CB gets sorted soon. They cancelled mine as someone saying they were me called to say my daughter had left college and started work - again took weeks and they didnt care.
HM
Hi anna and happy mamma, thank you for your's and everybody's valued input. It is much appreciated. Me and my ex havent always been like this. He did put me through the wringer though with one thing and another since our split and I have now found love again (fourth time lucky lol). I think I will go and see the doctor because the last thing I want to happen is wait for him to do something when my daughter ends up in hospital after an asthma attack again - god forbid. Our daughter never opens up to me what she feels, more my ex's new partner than me sometimes which is hurtful. My daugher in my opinion seems to be coping well but she spends 4 nights with just me and my boyfriend (who she sees most evenings when he comes round) who she gets on with quite well and when she spends 3 nights with her dad, its him, his partner, his partner's son and their new baby. Plus since the new baby was born my daughter has been turfed out of her room to share a bunk bed with the other kid - not fair but what can I do.
When you say who ever gets the child benefit gets the tax credit - do I still get working tax credit or will it be nothing at all?
The government are quick to get money from you but if its the other way round its completely different!
Happy Mamma - I cant believe about your CB and can't believe there has been no contact for over 4 years and he lives around the corner! How does your son feel?
Ics2008 my son was when he left and was used as a weapon with his sister for a while. Solicitors letters about how I was a bad mother. Never there for them. I was as open as possible with them without calling the ex. I let them make their own mind up and they did he had another child to her they didn't want to know my 2. My daughter got into a bit of a bad crowd and a run in with the police which im so ashamed of and never mentioned on here before. He drive passed her and asked if she was getting locked up out of his car window. She was 15 her father was messing about with my friend.
I have an harassment warning on him and full cctv. He now has a grandson he has never seen. I'm very proud of how we got through the lies and neglect we suffered. Oh ok my daughter went off the rails but was soon back on track because I got help x
I have passwords on all of our medical records and places like tax credits and child benefit - the goodness I got a payrise I now don't qualify for tax credits x
Ics2008 my son was when he left and was used as a weapon with his sister for a while. Solicitors letters about how I was a bad mother. Never there for them. I was as open as possible with them without calling the ex. I let them make their own mind up and they did he had another child to her they didn't want to know my 2. My daughter got into a bit of a bad crowd and a run in with the police which im so ashamed of and never mentioned on here before. He drive passed her and asked if she was getting locked up out of his car window. She was 15 her father was messing about with my friend.
I have an harassment warning on him and full cctv. He now has a grandson he has never seen. I'm very proud of how we got through the lies and neglect we suffered. Oh ok my daughter went off the rails but was soon back on track because I got help x
I have passwords on all of our medical records and places like tax credits and child benefit - the goodness I got a payrise I now don't qualify for tax credits x
Oops double message and miss out my son was 10
Im sorry what youve been thru happy mamma that is so sad but glad everything pulled thru and back on track . As long as your financially coping without tax credits well done on ur bonus. We all do our best as mothers thats all we can do. We shud be proud. I am i brought up my daughter when my ex wanted to think about things, moved out and 2-3 months along the line decided to shack up with someone else, moved in with them 6 months later and now have a 1 year old. Meanwhile he muscled in to get more time with our daughter, i pay for a divorce and hes still complaining that im the one out of order.
Sound familiar I had to pay him 30k to get him off my mortgage best 30k I ever spent x
Hello again, I presume you have an award notice for your tax credits for the whole year? on there they say tell us if anything changes...well nothing has changed. Of course if it was found that you were not entiled to CB then there would be stuff to pay back and you need to understand that but if the CB is reinstated (as you are 99% sure it will be) then I would say there should be no problem.
Hello again. I'm not surprised its the best 30K you ever spent 30K. What is it with ex's. They just think that there perfect, never wrong and put it all on us. I just wish I could have the last word and make him eat his!
As for the tax credits I do have an award notice but the thing that pees me off is I always seem to be overpaid. You give them a figure, they average it and when it comes to them checking it later on, the figures are different and you end up paying it all back! If my ex does want one of us to receive benefit and the other credits I think I will still struggle. Will I get any credits at all - ie. working tax credits?
My ex lives in a deluded world forgetting he was they one having the affair with my best friends and seems to have convinced his family and some friends that he wasnt (shame my children picked up on it before me and her daughter has since told me she knew about it)
I have the harrassment warning on him still and think thats till next year.
I hope you get this sorted soon. I just kept calling them and with the CSA i have got my local councillor involved whos been amazing.
The good thing about the no more tax credits is my pay rise covers what i lose and now i can do as much over time as i want without it being taken off me so its a win win situation.
Great stuff happy mamma, I think you deserve to feel a little proud of yourself! 
lcs2008, feel free to contact our Money and Debt Experts who will be able to tell you what you will be entitled to.
There are a lot of changes coming up, which hopefully will mean less overpayments (I am paying £20 a month until 2016, even though I had pointed out to them at the time they were giving me too much, they told me they weren't and it was all correct, but what can you do!)
Let us know how you get on with the experts 
Hi Ics2008
Your right usually the parent with majority care gets the child benefit, unless you consent to the parent with out majority of care to having the benefit. There is also the element that came into place earlier this year that can make a difference to weither you are able to claim, if you earn more than £42,000 then your not eligable to get child benefit. Are you able to give them a call to try and speed things along?
Children can have times where they can grow so fast it is difficult to keep up with the supply and demands of their growth, i know all my 4 have gone round with ankle biters at one time or another, as long as you know that she is bathing daily and that her clothes are clean etc then thats all that matters, there is not alot he can do unless he want's to buy her some new clothes.
Has your daughters condition improved any recently that would cause him to think that she does not need her inhalers anymore? children can grow out of asthma.
Does your daughter goe to an asthma clinic? if she does you could suggest that he goes with you so that they can advise him about her need for her to use her inhalers.