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Hi, my son is nearly six and has never met or had any contact with his father (said father left before he was born making it quite clear he wanted nothuing to do with the child).
i'm wondering at what age do i approach the subject of telling my son he has two parents? he's never asked me but he's a bright boy and is gonna work out sooner or later that there has to be a "father"out there somewhere. i'd rather take control of the situation than have him "stumble" over the concept and get confused or angry.....
...and if i am gonna tell him , anyone got any ideas how i go about it, all the resources i've found are directed at separated or divorced parents or children who have had a parent die, can't find anything that fits our circumstances?
Thanks
Hi Allyh
Hazeleyes has given you some great ideas, and based on her own experience which is really helpful.
We have an article that covers this very topic, and might give you some more ideas, here it is.
I feel sure the key to it is having a "plan" so that he does not catch you on the hop.
Your boy is very lucky to have such a devoted mum! 
I showed fotos of her dad to my daughter she never asked why he doesnt want to see her,she was even out once wth my parents&her dad walked in.The only thing he did was turn his top inside out so they cldnt see where he is workin cos the csa take £5 frm his benefit.My dad said do u want 2 meet ur dad she said no.Thank god cos he don't deserve it..She had to do a family tree wth the schl and i was happy to tell her her dads names etc but she didnt want to know.she just did my side of family.Kids just except things if thats how its always been but the younger the better.x
Thanks, megaj, good to hear from someone who has been through this experience. if your daughter's dad is working, the CSA can check that via his National Insurance records, so worth getting in touch with them again to see if you can have this revised. If he is working while claiming benefit this could also be illegal!
Hi Ally.h. Welcome along to One Space. I have been in your situation, so I do know how tricky this can be. My son was 4 when he asked 'do I have a Dad' As he was young, I explained it by saying that just like some people are scared of dogs, his 'father' was scared of babies!! I know, sounds ridiculous, but it worked for us. He then said that he wasn't a baby anymore, and so from there after a long chat, I tracked the man down. I would say my son was curious, and just needed to see what he looked like, what colour hair he had, stuff like that.
For your situation, I would say that difficult as it may seem right now, your son is going to have to know. It is only right, no matter how we as mums feel, that he knows about his dad. Perhaps one night, read him a story, something with a child and parents. Then simply say, 'you have your dads eyes, mouth, or you have your dad's colour hair' Something along these lines maybe. This will then give your son the opportunity to ask questions. Obviously you won't tell him that his dad didn't want to know (which is exactly the same story as mine) Plan what you are going to tell him, and keep reassuring him that you have enough love for him.
Others will be along at some point to give you lots more advice, so do please keep posting. You'll find loads of support here, it's a great site. Take care.