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My ex g/friend just gave birth to our baby just over 2 weeks ago, due to a volatile relationship we split up 5 months ago. throughout the relationship I wasn't always nice to her and sometimes I Got angry and frustrated with her which resulted in me kicking her car, threatening her and saying nasty things which were said out of anger. i deeply regret this but I do want a relationship with my son, she asked me to be at the birth which I was and then she changed her mind, I have started paying maintenance and all I want is to build a relationship with my son and allow my family to do the same. i am on the birth certificate but because I don't want to be around her she is now refusing me contact. i don't want my son to feel the tension between is I just want him to get to know me and my family who are also desperate to meet him. I am not perfect but I do want to be a good dad. does she have the right to be there every time I see him, I would never hurt him she just keeps using what happened between us to justify her having to be there, please help
Hi hazel eyes, Yes I have spoken to my sol today but I just wanted to get an idea of where I stand by people who may have gone thru similar experiences. she has said that whatever happened before the baby was born is irrelevant as there was never any charges bought against me. This doesn't make it right what happened but I was provoked and my ex is not easy to get along with. i am more than happy to go along with supervised visits but I do want my family to be a part of his life and she is making that difficult. She wanted me to take her and tha baby out for the day this weekend but because I refused to take her she has now stopped me seeing my son. She is saying its because our son is too young to be without his mum but he is bottle fed and she goes back to college next week so will be leaving him anyway. When I pointed that out she then said it was because she didnt trust me. My mum is happy to come with me but they don't get along which doesn't make things easy but my mum is also desperate to get to know her grandson
Hello Rob2503
Congratulations on the birth of your son! I am sorry how things are for you at the moment. I understand that she feels really reluctant for you to have the baby on your own but saying that you have to be in a relationship with her or you can't see him, is not right.
Babies need to see people little and often so it does make sense for you to pop in to see him for an hour here and there at first, but if she is going to take that as a sign that you want to be back with her then not such a good idea! You talk about father's rights, well in the eyes of the law then you don't really have any. However, your son has a right to a relationship with his dad.
If she is being difficult about this then maybe you do need to formalise it and suggest supervised contact once a week in a centre for a limited period. During that time, you could ask that you and your Mum go along....with the proviso that after a period of time (3 months?) then you start to see him outside the centre. Your mum needs (however infuriating it is) NOT to fall out with your son's mum....I know it does not seem right but life will be a lot easier if you and your mum behave in a calm way. At the end of the day, you CAN take a legal case to court, but obviously this is going to cost quite a bit of money.
You may find this site (click) helpful as it caters for dads in your situation
Hi Rob. I can understand your ex's reluctance to see your son on your own, though I'm not saying in anyway, that you'd hurt him. You've admitted to getting angry which resulted in a few things happening, and obviously this is why your ex is holding back. If she refusing contact because you no longer want to be with her, then she is in the wrong. Have either of you suggested a contact centre, where you get to see your son, and the visits are supervised? Have you spoken to a solicitor to find out where you stand?