I was in a relationship with a girl age 26 now, everything went well until we found out after a year of trying that she was pregnant, since then she did in my opinion everything she could to exclude me from the pregnancy. she wouldnt tell me what was happening i.e what stage the pregnancy was at, our sexual relationship stopped 2-3 weeks after she told me she was 13 weeks pregnant, and she told me she would not put me on the birth certificate. Since then our son has been born, and she has allowed me to see him once in nearly 11 weeks. every time i contact her and request to be allowed to see him, my request has been ignored. today is my birthday, i requested to see my son at the weekend just gone and even this was ignored. To my fault, i have been somewhat derogatory towards her and her family, mostly out of anger at the way i feel i have been treated, but mostly because she has a son from a previous relationship who i thought the world of, and until the split everything was great, then as we split up she said i didnt show her son enough attention, i did everything for him, read books to him, cheered him up when he was down, played games with him, and when we were on holiday i would be with him on the park pushing him on swings etc, while she was sat down. I am writing this to gain some perspective, and to decide how to handle this situation, i have no love for the justice system of england so i would rather not have to take this to court.
Please discuss and advise.
Hi Dean 172
sparklinglime is right, if you are unable to make arrangements amicably then Court may well be the only route.
Perhaps you could write her a civil letter explaining how important it is to you to be in your son's life. (Remembering it is yours son's right to have access to you, rather than your right to have access to him)
That if you are unable to arrange regular contact via letter/email/text (whichever form of correspondence suits both of you) that you want to attend Mediation to discuss the matter (Courts like to see that parents have tried to sort things out themselves)
If she is not happy with this either then Court will be your only way forward on this.
If your ex does not want you to see your child because of drugs, violence or lack of safety, then it will be harder to gain access.
Also remember 11 weeks old is very young, I would suggest that you request to see him at her house, or her parents rather than taking him off somewhere.
Are your or her parents involved at all?
Are you on the birth cert, if so you have full PR (parent responsibility) if you are not you can apply to courts to gain PR - your parents also have a right to see their grandson - further down the line get them to chuck in an application too
for contact order download a form called C100 costs i think £175 however someone posted "If your ex does not want you to see your child because of drugs, violence or lack of safety, then it will be harder to gain access."
be certain that te above will be used in their defence - "risk of...." is more often used - dont worry about this just ask for a finding of fact and submit evidence - keep to truth - and yes you are right i have no love of the family courts - if she fails contact order you can apply for commital to prison (last resort) - i had loads of crap thrown at me and ex constantly changed her story - now my littlen lives with me sun to fri soit can be done
personally i sacked my first solicitors as they were crap and done so much myself but good luck
i now have second solicitor but you can still do all the donkey work - you can also take what is called a makenzie friend with you - far cheaper than a solcitor
Hi paul980 thanks for your post, it will be an uphill struggle Dean172, but as paul980 has shown it can be done.
hi, im lost i what to do, my ex has let me see my kids on and off over the last 4yrs , at one point i was having them every weekend for 18months, but ive now not seen them 6months. i tried to see them the other as they live very close , she let me see them at her frontdoor for 2min just to tell me to take her to court if i want to see them. not sure what to do first, im on low wage and solicitors cost so much, is there help out there, many thanks murray
Hello walker
Sorry to hear what is happening for you. I have a couple of things to say.
Yes solicitors are expensive if you are not entitled to Legal Aid, however you can take a court action yourself. You need to get in touch with your local Family Court and they will give you a form to fill in and they are really helpful, you can ask them any queries, there is still a fee to pay but it is more reasonable. I founbd a site that is supposed to help you search for your nearest court but have given it a try and to be honest it wasn't very good so I won't recommend it to you...instead I suggest you gop onto Google and put it in the search box court+ (the name of your town) then you can ring any court in your town and ask them for the right place to go to make an application, explain what it is about. I know people always think eek court are scary but the staff I have dealt with over the years have always been very friendly and helpful
Secondly, for some free legal advice before you do this, contact our Legal Expert by clicking here. Please note that this is just to ask one question and not to get involved in lots of email exchanges though.
Let us know how you get on 
Hi walker
tbh have you ever heard of the saying if you want a job done properly, then do it your self - this applies to soliciotrs too - ok some are good but some you have to tell them the law - if you can see where i am coming from.
i would not use a court in your area, go slightly out of area, the same applies for soliciotrs - as i have found solicitors, baristers & Judges "know" each other within the circuit and this becomes a conflict of interest.
I used to belong to FNF (families need fathers) - its about £18 a year and a great help, and started to help run meetings. from their they can put you in touch with makenzie friends
from personal experience dont involve social services - i did and it went against me - quote from ss "my ex can say what she likes about me and my family, but i have no right to report serious concerns of guenuine abuse (and being ex police - removed by ss illegally) - that has been my worst mistake they have lied, reports are fraudulent, mislead professionals - 3 professionals have come forward and stated they have been mislead - ive taken ss to court now and they hyjacked the courts and mislead the judge.... my case is serious i reported a risk and was ignored now in my care she has made disclosures and had medical records / admissions to hospital and they are covering it up - another baby P
- if ya need any help at all just pm me your email address
one thing the courts love and social services hate is a paper trail - write to your ex and tell her polietly that what she is doing is not in the best interest of the child, ask for a mutual friend or family to be the mediator to exchange contact of your child(ren) and place in writing - delvier registered post - this way you can show you have actively tried to rectify seeing your kids
also invest in a tape recorder - you can use transcripts (say that you use this for note taking)
hope that this helps
Hi
I'm sorry you're being excluded from your son's life.
However, as she is ignoring your requests it sounds unlikely that she'll attend mediation and agree to things. So, sadly I see little alternative to taking it to through the Court system.
Nowadays, it can be done with you representing youself, which does save on costs.
I doubt that much can be done for you to see her older son. You cannot, unfortunately, make an unreasonable person reasonable...