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I have been with my partner for 3 years. Life was fantastic and i believed we would get married as we had several conversations about it after a year together.
We have had a baby last August and ever since i found out i was pregnant my boyfriend was very snappy to me. He used to come home put his arms round me but all of a sudden he backed off. I just thought he was scared about becoming a dad so tried to talk to him and tell him i was scared hoping he would open up. He would just hold his head in his hands if i tried to talk and say not this again. If i ask him if he wants a brew he sighs and says don't know or don't mind and says i ask too many questions.
When the baby was born he was there and seemed happy but there has been no affection not even a cuddle for about a year. This is tearing me apart as i crave the closeness.
he has a quick temper and on occasion he has yelled at me and called me a knobhead in front of our baby. When he did this i threatened to leave him so he says he wants 50/50 custody if i go, i have stayed as i can't leave my baby with him. He doesnt help with nappies, baths, dressing or even buying things although he does give me cash to get things. He asked me to give up work til baby is in school so i have. Everything is in his name so i would have to go and rent somewhere but am so scared that he will get custody. I am breastfeeding still and hope to go on til 12 months if i can. Baby won't drink from a bottle but does attempt from a sippy cup thing so i don't know how it would work if i do leave.
I really don't want it to be over but all sorts of things are running through my mind like is he cheating as he changed all of a sudden or does he just hate me now. It feels like he hates me the way he speaks to me. We are both 40 not kids and we both wanted children so i just don't get it.
Sorry for rambling on, i have just read this back and it doesn't cover things as i am seeing them if you see what i mean. Life is much worse i am treading on eggshells incase he blows up again.
Thanks for reading i don't know what to do
Hi thank you for the number i will try and speak to someone and see what i can do.
I saw something on his phone last night when he was showing a video that he had done on it of our baby. The screen went off then it listed the films and photos that he has taken and one of them was of a girl that i don't know so i asked who it was. He started ranting that his phone is nothing to do with me and why have i got the right to control what he has on his phone. I don't know why he got so defensive, all it points to is that he has someone else or is interested in someone. He hasn't spoken to me at all today and has pretended to be busy so he hasn't held baby at all.
He is working tomorrow but i had a look in his diary and it is blank, usually he writes names and addresses for each job he has to do for his records. I don't know how much longer i can live like this, just wish he would be how he usedto be.
I am having a bad day today, can't get my mind to settle.
Sorry to hear you were having a bad day yesterday, i hope things are better today, do try contacting Womensaid.
Your ex's behaviour towards the phone situation does sound strange, your right there was no need for him to get defensive about it unless he had something to hide.
Have you asked him if he is seeing someone else?
I asked him if he had met someone and if thats why hes so angry with me all the time. He flipped out shouting that hes just tired leave it. Then silence, he won't answer questions so i will never know. I just have to sort my life out for myself and then see how he is if we live apart. I feel like a fool begging him to talk to me but i just want answers.
I am waiting for baby to have a nap so i can use the phone in peace!
Hi itsover, I hope you have had a good day? Did you manage to get on the phone in the end?
Its sounds as though regardless of baby, this relationship really is at its end, it seems to have lost its loving feeling and you don't need to live with someone who is going to treat you so appallingly.
You say that you want answers, I think he has given you all the answers you need right now, he has been disrespectful, untrustworthy and distant, let alone aggressive. What more do you want to know? Whatever answers/reasons/excuses he might have, it won't change any of the behaviour that he deems acceptable towards his baby's mother, so hold your head up regardless, you are worth more than that.
Hello itsover and welcome to One Space
I'm really sorry that your relationship is not working out the way you wanted it too, your partners behaviour does sound abusive so i'm not surprised that your walking on eggshells.
There are options available to you, i think that it would be good to talk to someone and going over what those options are and what would be best for you. You can contact Womensaid on 0808 2000 247
You can also message our Domestic abuse expert (click for link) who can answer any questions that you may have.
And you can come chat on here!